Sunday, July 10, 2011

When things go wrong - Inertia and the domino effect

You know how it is when things go wrong?  It starts with little things, a bit of aggravation here, something vexing there, then something that pulls an actual groan from you, and suddenly you realize the dominos are doing their sequential toppling act.  I recently got to that point of trying to chase them down and stop the one that would stop all the others, and suddenly I saw the light! 

It's not a matter of catching them from behind and stopping them; the dominos of Life will topple on through infinity!  What you need to do is get a bit ahead of the domino that's about to strike, sidetrack it by changing its angle, and start a new path in the zig-zag! 

Before I go any further with this blog, I want you to know that what you are about to read is the result of the delvings of my mind during my time alone with myself.  I have always been the kind of person who needs to define everything, have a clear reasoning of what, why and how things are.  The question of how to stop the chain of things going wrong began to plague me when I first perceived it as a chain.  What follows is the process I went through as I formed my own definition of the problem and then reasoned out the solution. 

Okay, so, having slept on the idea, I woke up the next morning with refreshed determination to get out of my rut.  Naturally, when the dominos are toppling in the things-going-wrong scheme, the theme running through the process is inertia, skepticism, disenchantment... (need I go on?).  So all I had to do, I realized as I drove down the silent early-morning streets, was angle Inertia so that it would bump into Will Power, which would then hit Belief instead of Skepticism, bypassing Disenchantment altogether and leading to ... Anticipation maybe? I pondered on the feasibility of it all in terms of my present reality.

Okay, sounds good in theory, I thought, as I headed out of the parking lot on foot with my umbrella warding off the light drizzle.  But too pat.  How can I really make it work? And it was then, while walking to my first class under the soothing rhythm of the rain, that the realization hit me.  All I needed to think about at this point was Will Power.  I mean everyone has will power. So if I have it, all I have to do is use it to overcome inertia.  Surely I can do that.  I can mentally control the degree of Will Power that's needed! 

Ah, so wait a minute.  Mind, then, is also an important domino in this chain!  I mean, even before applying Will Power to any reliable effect, you need to be aware of the need itself! In my case, for example, I had to be aware of things going wrong before I could consciously decide to thwart inertia!  Yes, I thought, Mind is the initial propeller!  

So there I was chanting a little song to myself as I walked to my second class:  Mind, Will Power, Belief, Mind, Will Power, Belief... (so I wouldn't forget).  But as I came out of my second class, it hit me that, while Mind is the propeller and sustaining force of Will Power, the mind itself is a fragile thing.  It's true!  While most minds are innately intact, there are many unknown factors that can suddenly cause a collapse...  

Fearing that I might be back at square 1 of the things-going-wrong chain - I took a good look at the fine line between Strength and Fragility during the 12-minute walk to my next class.  I might have gotten bogged down in the futility of it all, had I not remembered that Belief was one of the key words of the chant.  And I remembered then what I've always known, what we all know...

Belief is what keeps Mind in good working order.  Belief gets you over the scariness of seeing how fragile everything - right down to Life itself - really is.  Belief lets you handle the deal you're dealt and get through whatever it is you need to get through.  And it doesn't matter whether you believe in an entity of some sort, humankind, yourself, fate (which some people insist is a non-entity) or a combination of some or all of them... Sooner or later, everyone experiences a moment where it all comes down to their own belief.  Belief itself is the rock that steadies you when Will Power wavers.  It's the root you hang onto when Mind questions...

In the end, the conclusion I came to - which ultimately brought me great delight and allowed me to shift gears at last -  is this:  It's the domino effect of Mind, Will, and Belief - in whichever order or combination they occur - that ignites that all-important burst of anticipation.

And of course, once you have something to anticipate, you know for sure that things are going right again.

Know what I mean?

Saturday, July 2, 2011

Ten minutes starting NOW!

ONce upon a time I knew what I wanted to write, I always had the ideas right on the tip of my tongue, right at the front of my brain right over the edge of my thoughts right on... once upon a time I wanted what I knew and I knew what i wanted and once upon a time I did't need to push myself so hard and I found the way without even trying because the way would just appear and I would follow it however far it went and the thoughts would come to mind and spill over and I would find myself singing and smiling and enjoying every blessed moment of a walk down the street or a swim across the pool or even if it was just sitting still in a chair, I could enjoy that too, how the ideas in my brain would lead me into the most incredible dreams and fantasies.  Once upon a time, I was always an optimist, of course I still pretty much am, but once upon a time I didn't have to stop and think of myself as being such and actually I wasn't exactly such because once upon a time I was also a terribly morbid person; I even used to do all sorts of writings that I classified under the heading of "morbidity" - how I loved that word - and I don't think it's really a word at all.  Okay, once upon a time things were like that and now I don't know exactly how they are.  Are they wild or tame? Are they true or false?  Does time keep passing? Is that the reason we say, once upon a time? Because that time no longer exists? But time exists!  Can we ever stop it?  Once upon a time was one time, but time is not divided, or I guess it is.   Yes, time is countable when it's once or twice or thrice upon a time?  Can it be?  Twice upon a time - yes I'd say I've done things twice, and sometimes - ah there's another denomination - sometimes, yes sometimes and every time.  But can something be every time?  Of course, but I'm getting off the track... Once upon a time... okay, once upon a time there was a lovely lovely lake and the woods were singing and all the trees waved at me and bowed at me and the smell of orange blossoms was so strong it brought tears to my eyes and I breathed in the scent and it went straight to my heart.  Once upon a time I walked through the rooms of this house and every plant seemed to reach out to me - and I knew I had to water each one but I was glad to feel the need and I walked up the stairs and the dust at the corners of each step reproached me.  When I got to the study I looked out the window and what I saw couldn't be described because it didn't really matter.  It was the same view as always but it was the feeling, the feeling that I wanted to keep and hold and never let go, but of course you have to let go.  There's no holding on to anything.  It all comes and goes, breathing in and out, that's life that's how time is.... a deep breath.... inhale, exhale... Time.... once upon a time.

Okay, that was an exercise for writer's block... now back to work for the real writing...