Leaving in a few hours for some north-south traveling, and what am I doing? BLOGGING!!! But no, I'm not... just trying to calm myself down as I rush around trying to get everything done at once, and always thinking of something else I need to do!!
Okay, back to packing...
More later.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Making up for lost time
After not blogging for weeks on end, I seem to be full of blogthoughts. There's something about blogging; it's such a release - all you need is the idea you want to talk about. Of course, it's easier when you have pictures - the pictures can do most of the telling, and it's nicer for others to read few words as they focus on funny, fine, or fabulous photos than to wade through lots of words without the benefit of any photos. On the other hand, the thing that's great for the blogger is to get their ideas in order. And I do need to do that.
But here's something - which I didn't write myself - that is so beautiful, it just takes my breath away, not only for its beauty but because I feel the same way:
de Yussiff:
Pao, quisiera poder estar contigo y darte un abrazo que evite el espacio vacio que puedan dejar las palabras, ayer uno de mis heroes el mejor de muchos, alcanzo el conocimiento absoluto y se unio con la fuerza que da equilibrio al universo. y no ... nos dejo solos nos envolvio y nos abraza ¿no lo sientes? y si te digo que es el mejor de mis heroes, es por que gracias a el los tengo a ti (que no mames ve hasta donde llegaste y el lo pudo ver) y a luis en mi vida, y gracias a ustedes soy como soy. y no necesito decir mas por que gracias a el pude hacer mi cosmovision, y aprender a entender los secretos de muchas cosas, por el conoci a sabina, y por el supe lo que era viajar.
From Yussiff:
Pao, I wish I could be with you and give you a hug that would shut out the empty space that words can leave. Yesterday one of my heroes - the greatest of many - reached the state of absolute knowledge and joined the force that gives balance to the universe. And no, he didn't leave us, he enveloped us and he's embracing us - don't you feel it? And if I tell you that he is the greatest one of my heroes, it's because thanks to him I have you (and no shit, look how far you've gotten and he was able to witness it!) and Lu in my life, and thanks to you two, I am who I am. And I don't need to say any more because thanks to him I've been able to form my own cosmovision and learn to understand the secrets behind many things; I discovered Sabina through him, and because of him, I know what it is to travel...
Yussiff is my nephew by marriage... I think he understood the essence of Car as well as anyone ever could. Just wanted to see his thought here...
Thursday, July 16, 2009
An Almost-Anniversary
I haven't forgotten. Did you think I would? How could I forget this same day 31 years ago... that excitement, the screaming hectic can't-wait-gotta-have-it-now longing... getting off the plane and seeing you. And that time-stopping, all-devouring look that passed between us for an eternal milisecond before we came together in a tremendous hug that was cut off before it could go anywhere, and we got my stuff and walked out of the airport... And that was the intensity we lived through with each other every day (or most of them) for the first ten years. Whether we were together or apart - and we had some separations during that time because that was all part of it too - we were always connected, never far from the other in thought or feeling.
Then came the year of ambivalence, and then 4 years of starting from scratch on a new adventure - I loved all of that so much. And finally, it was back here, to this place, where I still am now. It made for an intensity of a different type - the bad was worse, and the good was too good to last. So we kept rollercoasting our way through the years, but what we both realized, in our most lucid moments, in those times when we were together looking at everything with synchronized vision, was that we were constantly redefining and increasing our understanding of true love - it's hell sometimes, we'd say. But oh, the good moments!! Oh those perfect perfect moments!!
So I just want you to know that I haven't forgotten any of it; in fact, I reflect on parts of it at least 3 or 4 times a day... and I feel the intensity of your first feelings for me as well as your last - you loved me at the beginning for who I was then, and you loved me at the end for who I am now. And you have to know that's how I loved you too.
(don't worry, I took down and saved the original blog I put up here, but I'm leaving the abridged version, just because; I only hope I still left the essence of it intact!)
Then came the year of ambivalence, and then 4 years of starting from scratch on a new adventure - I loved all of that so much. And finally, it was back here, to this place, where I still am now. It made for an intensity of a different type - the bad was worse, and the good was too good to last. So we kept rollercoasting our way through the years, but what we both realized, in our most lucid moments, in those times when we were together looking at everything with synchronized vision, was that we were constantly redefining and increasing our understanding of true love - it's hell sometimes, we'd say. But oh, the good moments!! Oh those perfect perfect moments!!
So I just want you to know that I haven't forgotten any of it; in fact, I reflect on parts of it at least 3 or 4 times a day... and I feel the intensity of your first feelings for me as well as your last - you loved me at the beginning for who I was then, and you loved me at the end for who I am now. And you have to know that's how I loved you too.
(don't worry, I took down and saved the original blog I put up here, but I'm leaving the abridged version, just because; I only hope I still left the essence of it intact!)
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Ten Minutes
I had such a good idea for a blog, but now that I'm here I've totally forgotten what it was!! Something to do with writing, something I've discovered about writing... I guess 'discover' may not be the right word after all, since I seem to have let it slip away. But anyway, the truth is, I have writer's block... it's been horrible! I can't sit down and write, no matter how many tricks I employ to entice myself into staying in my chair and writing. So here's today's effort: it's a trick I learned from incredible book I once read. The idea is to limber up your mind by freeing it from its natural tendency to constrain your ideas. So you set the timer for ten minutes and you write for that amount of time. You start with a phrase like 'I remember...', and then go on and on, just writing without deleting or changing. If you get stuck, you just start again with 'I remember...' or the opposite, 'I don't remember'... the idea is simply to keep writing. At the end of the ten-minute period, you put it away and start on your real writing. But in my case, after the 10-min period, I'm going to go back and correct any typos or whatever (after all, it's my blog), so you will get the edited version of my rambling... Okay, here goes, except that tonight's opening is:
I want
I want a lot of things, though I can't exactly remember what I wanted yesterday or even two minutes ago. I want to be in a big open space and to be sitting on sand or maybe in a field that smells of orange blossoms. I want to roll in the grass and get dirty and not have it matter and not be worried about chiggers or ants or any bug at all. When I finish rolling around, maybe I'll sit up and take a look around. Even though I want many things, I suppose I ought to realize I'm not the only person in the world to be wanting something. Maybe I should stop and think about what other people might want or not want. Does it matter? Isn't this my own space? Don't I get to want something when it doesn't matter what anyone else wants since it's not like I'm going to get what I want anyway? What's the deal on that? What is wanting for that matter? You say you want something, but you probably hardly ever even know why! Do you? Really really why? You're out on the street looking in windows and thinking, 'oh I like those shoes, I'm going to try them on'. And they fit, so you say, 'well they're not too expensive and I have the money. I should get them. I can afford them, and I want them'. So you buy them. But did you really want them? Would you have wanted them if you had never been walking down the street and seen them in the window? Okay, well, that's one kind of wanting. Let's say it's spontaneous.. But there are other kinds of wanting. Think about when you make lists of things you want - maybe you call it your wish list. I have lots of those. I categorize them! I have a 'places to go' list, a 'things to do' list (not things I have to do, but things I want to do), a 'things to get' list (not necessarily to buy, but rather to obtain!), a 'things to find out about' list... etc. etc. I want many things and I know I'll never get them just by wanting them suddenly and then forgetting, so I make lists of them and then I go back over time and look at them and remember wanting them and decide if I still want them. Or maybe when I'm reading over my lists I'll realize that it's the perfect time to get/do some of those things now. So I'll concentrate on that and really get/do them and cross them off my list. And that - completing the circle of wanting by waiting it out and letting the want go through all its stages - is truly fulfilling! (and so is the feeling you get when you cross it off the list). I'm thinking about one of those lists right now. It's a places to see list. Now the truth of the matter is that I'm going to be traveling soon. I have a fixed destination in mind, but I am going by road, and I am going to be the driver, so I could in fact plan to stop along the way at all the places - or let's say at least a few of them - that are on my list. That would really be neat! I think I might do it! I can just imagine it. In fact, the first thing I must do is get a good map. Now, the question is, would you say I want a map or I need a map? Is there a difference? In short, what is wanting?
I want
I want a lot of things, though I can't exactly remember what I wanted yesterday or even two minutes ago. I want to be in a big open space and to be sitting on sand or maybe in a field that smells of orange blossoms. I want to roll in the grass and get dirty and not have it matter and not be worried about chiggers or ants or any bug at all. When I finish rolling around, maybe I'll sit up and take a look around. Even though I want many things, I suppose I ought to realize I'm not the only person in the world to be wanting something. Maybe I should stop and think about what other people might want or not want. Does it matter? Isn't this my own space? Don't I get to want something when it doesn't matter what anyone else wants since it's not like I'm going to get what I want anyway? What's the deal on that? What is wanting for that matter? You say you want something, but you probably hardly ever even know why! Do you? Really really why? You're out on the street looking in windows and thinking, 'oh I like those shoes, I'm going to try them on'. And they fit, so you say, 'well they're not too expensive and I have the money. I should get them. I can afford them, and I want them'. So you buy them. But did you really want them? Would you have wanted them if you had never been walking down the street and seen them in the window? Okay, well, that's one kind of wanting. Let's say it's spontaneous.. But there are other kinds of wanting. Think about when you make lists of things you want - maybe you call it your wish list. I have lots of those. I categorize them! I have a 'places to go' list, a 'things to do' list (not things I have to do, but things I want to do), a 'things to get' list (not necessarily to buy, but rather to obtain!), a 'things to find out about' list... etc. etc. I want many things and I know I'll never get them just by wanting them suddenly and then forgetting, so I make lists of them and then I go back over time and look at them and remember wanting them and decide if I still want them. Or maybe when I'm reading over my lists I'll realize that it's the perfect time to get/do some of those things now. So I'll concentrate on that and really get/do them and cross them off my list. And that - completing the circle of wanting by waiting it out and letting the want go through all its stages - is truly fulfilling! (and so is the feeling you get when you cross it off the list). I'm thinking about one of those lists right now. It's a places to see list. Now the truth of the matter is that I'm going to be traveling soon. I have a fixed destination in mind, but I am going by road, and I am going to be the driver, so I could in fact plan to stop along the way at all the places - or let's say at least a few of them - that are on my list. That would really be neat! I think I might do it! I can just imagine it. In fact, the first thing I must do is get a good map. Now, the question is, would you say I want a map or I need a map? Is there a difference? In short, what is wanting?
Beep - beep! Time's up!
okay, so the ten-minute writing was great! I might do it again sometime! Though please bear in mind: what you've just read is basically nonsense! The real writing is going to start now! (if I'm lucky)
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Bike rides and Yes-Man
I promised myself I would blog tonight so here I am. I promised that I would write about the Sunday bike ride so here goes:
This being the rainy season, you take advantage of nice balmy days like last Sunday. You go outside and enjoy the fresh sweet air and you constantly look up at the sky, marveling at all the different shades of blue plastered with fluffy whiter-than-white clouds. You dive into the pure joy of all this, knowing that within a very short time, that summery blue sky will turn first grey, then black, the sweet warm breeze will disappear inside an ominous current of icy wind, those innocent masses of cotton candy clouds will bunch up ever darker and more foreboding. Both sides of the coin portraying Nature herself are fascinating to contemplate, but if you want to have an enjoyable bicycle outing, you need to do it before your summer day is washed away. Right?
Now, I woke up Sunday morning without the slightest intention of going for a bike ride. The day began in languid stresslessness; two cups of coffee, a bit of Internet dabbling, getting the wash lined up, breakfast and kibbutzing with kids, catching up on gardening and housecleaning, etc., etc., but somewhere around mid-day, I chanced to be outside on the front patio, feeling the warmth of the sun on my head, enjoying the soft breeze cooling the back of my neck and taking in the multi-blue-shaded sky where bright clouds drifted lazily as if to taunt the woman who was hanging out a load of wash, whereupon I stopped to reflect that that woman was me! How could I be pinning clothes to a line when I should be putting foot to pedal and riding off into that perfect day! Whereupon I zoomed into action, filling the clothesline in record time only to announce that I was riding to town to get fruits and veggies and did anyone want to go.
Sam kindly volunteered to pull my bike and his from the tangle of bikes we have stored in the shed Lu and Anto built last year. He conscientiously checked the chains and filled the tires, and even took test rides on both bikes to check steering and brakes (last time we rode was many months ago!). Still, enthusiastic as he was about my doing the trip, he wasn't convinced enough to come along with me!
Happily though, Monica expressed an interest in riding to town, so I had a partner for the trip. We got our water bottles and sunglasses, shopping backpacks and bike locks, and then I ran upstairs to get one more thing... for an experiment.
Experiment...???? Okay, let me explain.
Two weeks ago, I watched the movie "Yes-Man" with Jim Carrey. Now I don't even like Jim Carrey that much, and in fact, this particular movie didn't change my mind about him. But the movie did open my eyes to something new that I've since wanted to try. In the movie, the girl who JC later becomes involved with is a whacky character who follows her whims, one of which is to ride her motorcycle and snap pictures with her small digital camera along the way. She doesn't really aim or line up the picture she's going to take in any way, but simply tries to hold the camera steady, aimed in the general direction of what she wants to pictify and presses the button. Later on in the movie she starts a running group in which all the joggers do the same - run and take pictures along the way - photography in motion!
So this was my chance to see what would happen if I tried it on a bike ride. And here are some of the results. Random shots along the way - enjoy!
This being the rainy season, you take advantage of nice balmy days like last Sunday. You go outside and enjoy the fresh sweet air and you constantly look up at the sky, marveling at all the different shades of blue plastered with fluffy whiter-than-white clouds. You dive into the pure joy of all this, knowing that within a very short time, that summery blue sky will turn first grey, then black, the sweet warm breeze will disappear inside an ominous current of icy wind, those innocent masses of cotton candy clouds will bunch up ever darker and more foreboding. Both sides of the coin portraying Nature herself are fascinating to contemplate, but if you want to have an enjoyable bicycle outing, you need to do it before your summer day is washed away. Right?
Now, I woke up Sunday morning without the slightest intention of going for a bike ride. The day began in languid stresslessness; two cups of coffee, a bit of Internet dabbling, getting the wash lined up, breakfast and kibbutzing with kids, catching up on gardening and housecleaning, etc., etc., but somewhere around mid-day, I chanced to be outside on the front patio, feeling the warmth of the sun on my head, enjoying the soft breeze cooling the back of my neck and taking in the multi-blue-shaded sky where bright clouds drifted lazily as if to taunt the woman who was hanging out a load of wash, whereupon I stopped to reflect that that woman was me! How could I be pinning clothes to a line when I should be putting foot to pedal and riding off into that perfect day! Whereupon I zoomed into action, filling the clothesline in record time only to announce that I was riding to town to get fruits and veggies and did anyone want to go.
Sam kindly volunteered to pull my bike and his from the tangle of bikes we have stored in the shed Lu and Anto built last year. He conscientiously checked the chains and filled the tires, and even took test rides on both bikes to check steering and brakes (last time we rode was many months ago!). Still, enthusiastic as he was about my doing the trip, he wasn't convinced enough to come along with me!
Happily though, Monica expressed an interest in riding to town, so I had a partner for the trip. We got our water bottles and sunglasses, shopping backpacks and bike locks, and then I ran upstairs to get one more thing... for an experiment.
Experiment...???? Okay, let me explain.
Two weeks ago, I watched the movie "Yes-Man" with Jim Carrey. Now I don't even like Jim Carrey that much, and in fact, this particular movie didn't change my mind about him. But the movie did open my eyes to something new that I've since wanted to try. In the movie, the girl who JC later becomes involved with is a whacky character who follows her whims, one of which is to ride her motorcycle and snap pictures with her small digital camera along the way. She doesn't really aim or line up the picture she's going to take in any way, but simply tries to hold the camera steady, aimed in the general direction of what she wants to pictify and presses the button. Later on in the movie she starts a running group in which all the joggers do the same - run and take pictures along the way - photography in motion!
So this was my chance to see what would happen if I tried it on a bike ride. And here are some of the results. Random shots along the way - enjoy!
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