figuring things out

It doesn't matter how old I get - and I'd rather not go into too much detail about how old I'm getting! - I always seem to be STILL figuring things out. And I always have moments where I know I'm doing it all wrong, and I always have moments where I just can't see a clear course for myself.

What keeps me from taking all of that too seriously and getting depressed?

WORK for one thing! When I'm on a translation marathon, where I'm swamped with work and have impossible deadlines to meet, suddenly I'm the epitomy of organized, clear-thinking, wonder-woman actions.

Putting things in order at home is another good way to put things into perspective. I do that when the whole "what should I do?" dilemma hits. Planning, making lists, cooking, baking, these things help. They make me feel worthwhile.

Last week, I found myself abruptly tossed into a translation marathon that kept me from thinking about anything else - except work.

Since I also have a teaching job, I have to do translations during my off hours. Usually, I try to do the bulk of translations on the weekend. But in this case, they were urgent, so I had to get home from teaching and start in on translation.

Naturally, I couldn't allow myself such unfair circumstances, so I'd get home, get something to eat and watch one of the interesting newer movies that I rented just for that purpose. Then it would be time to start in on translation. In the middle of the marathon, I'd take time out for another escape into movies, watching such gems as Notorious, a Barbra Streisand special from 1993-94, and other oldies, just in 30-minute slots. At those times, I'd also pick up on a knitting project or one of three books I'm trying to finish. Then I'd go back to translating, take a sudden nap when I couldn't do that any longer, then back to translating, and so forth and so on, getting a total of 3 to 4 hours of sleep per night.

Yesterday, at 4:00 a.m. I finished with the last of the huge translations I was working on back-to-back. I had an hour to kill before I had to get ready for teaching, and it was either clean the kitchen, or snuggle back in my bed. I chose snuggling back in my bed. This time, I added a steaming cup of coffee to the formula. It was the most delightful hour! I was exhausted, so as soon as I snuggled down and had taken my first sip of coffee, I knew I wanted to sleep...

I told myself, none of that, you need to get up in an hour... and I answered myself, I'll just get really, REALLY comfortable and sleep for 15 minutes. I closed my eyes and that's exactly what happened. I awoke exactly 15 minutes later, feeling refreshed, took another sip of coffee and to my delight it was still hot! After pondering the weird dream I had just come out of, I thought, hmmm, let's do it again. My bed was so warm and comfortable you see. Once again, the 15 minute trick worked! This time my coffee was not so hot when I sat up, but it was still drinkably warm. I felt good that I had had such crazy dreams during both of those short naps and i told myself i was ready for the day, now that I'd gotten in some "quality" sleep - isn't dream-sleep supposed to be the deepest kind?

Last night I went to art class. I had come home from work a few hours earlier, feeling I was free!!!! I probably should have gone straight to bed, but I felt good and wanted to go to art class. Of course, I felt exhaustion creeping up on me once I was there, so I barely got started on my new project before throwing in the towel.
I came home and slept very well, and I woke up feeling great, but now, at the end of this first day post-translation marathon, I'm frustrated!

Why? (this is the part where I start trying to figure things out!)
Because here's the thing: Today I had this whole day - a lovely Saturday - to get lots of things done - all the things I couldn't do during the week. It was a day I could have made the most of and what did I do? I spent it doing something I'm very good at but not particularly proud of. It's called: ESCAPING!

I tell myself just relax and not be so hard on myself. I tell myself that it's understandable and I deserve a day off to do nothing. But I know I'm kidding myself. I know that I deliberately put myself into this vicious cycle. You see, that's the thing about working under pressure. You can be very good at it, but when the pressure lifts, and you're actually free, and you've got time, you suddenly find it difficult to regroup. So you kind of bungle through the hours, all the while telling yourself it's your right to "relax and enjoy doing nothing".

Well, that's not how I want it to be!

Wish me luck for tomorrow. I'm going to try to use the time much more constructively than I did today! Figuring things out usually gets you nowhere.

Twenty Ten

Time to start thinking in tens and hundreds. Twenty Ten is upon us. We have made it through the first decade of the 21st century. I haven't given too much thought about my resolutions. You're supposed to be doing that as you eat each of your 12 grapes at the stroke of 12 o'clock on the new year. But we were watching a movie at the time - While You Were Sleeping, which turned out to be a good choice as it's a Christmas/New Year flick and Anto, Clo and Samo had never seen it (chick flick, ya know?)! The idea was to start the movie at 10:30, so it would be over right at midnight, but we didn't actually start it till close to 11:00, so it was just getting to the climax when the clock began to strike and we realized it was the hour. I turned off the movie, ran for the grapes, set them out and we chomped as the clock continued striking (it's a cuckoo clock). We were of course talking, joking, and watching the sudden bursts of fireworks in the town square below. Also, although I was trying to train my brain to the task of putting my resolutions into words, I had to concentrate harder on chewing the grapes! They were those huge red globo grapes and my teeth danced delicately around them, trying to feel for the little seeds inside. But these are the resolutions I did manage to form:

Give more love;

Get to know the neighbors;

Keep the essential and let go of the rest;

Use the day-to-day as a practice in planning and thinking ahead.

And now I'm going to try to chronicle the PoppyDay end of the year family reunion, which won't be easy, and will probably be so abbreviated, that only if you were there will you be able to pick up the thread! But here goes:

We arrived at midnight at their house. Naturally they were as tired from the wait as we were from the drive, but we did manage to stand around talking for quite awhile! Finally, we were given instructions on using the throne in the bathroom - an elongated comfort-height dual flush model - and dealing with a balky shower mechanism - and then it was off to bed.

In the morning, the coffemaker was set to go, so I switched it on. I think my dad was already up, because soon after the coffee pot got going, he came into the kitchen, followed by mimi, Clo, Anto and Samo and of course there were bagels for breakfast!

That first day was a big reunion in itself - with Fned and Hubby and my older sis from the north (whose hubby had already been and left) coming back from a visit at my younger sib's. She lives about 100 miles away from my parents house. I don't remember what we did exactly except for the part where I went out with my mom (who let me drive!) and I got a gift for my cousins whom we were to visit the next day, and mom got a pot to pop popcorn in... then came the part where we made nachos and watched parts of old movies that were playing nonstop all day.

The next day we went to my cousins' house and had the best time, eating an incredible smorgasbord brunch that included lox and cream cheese on bagels (my absolute fave) and later played those crazy dominoes I'd gotten them... the game is called the Mexican Train! Hmmm.... Anyway, in the middle of all that, Lu arrived at the airport, so Fned and Hub and Deb (who knows a shortcut that will get you to the airport in 7 minutes flat) went to pick him up, while us domino players finished our game (for the record, Nancy won!)... Then the party got really wild with stories and tales and pictures galore... and Rachel's dog, Nala of the glossy black coat made the rounds among us all... it was a truly delicious morning and afternoon.

Late afternoon meant shopping with Fned and Hub in their rented Kia and everyone doing their thing, but ending up at Best Buy to look for a movie Fned wanted us to see... then back home to make popcorn and watch it... turned out to be totally raunchy, which of course made for another good story to tell the grandkids... (watching a raunchy movie with your grandparents!!!)

AND THAT'S WHEN THE BATHROOM THRONE PROTESTED!!!

We tried flushing several times, we tried plunging, we were looking at the idea of pouring draino down the drain... but in the end, Poppy called his plumber, who was out of town but promised to do something about it when he got back.

Meanwhile, Ruth was due to come in, so Marce went for her and Fned and Hub were at the mall, and the rest of us went to find a nearby hotel to stay at for bathroom use in the next couple of days, and the reunion continued!

Next day was PoppyDay! Did I explain this to you before? My lucky Dad has his birthday right on Xmas Day! Since we're of the Chanukah persuasion, we make use of the 25th to celebrate PoppyDay! This year, it was held at a local Chinese restaurant. Family came from miles around - cousins and second cousins and aunts and uncles I hadn't seen in quite awhile! We were a boistrous bunch, the food was buffet - EXCELLENTLY SO I MIGHT ADD! I never got a chance to taste everything as I got full after my first plate-load... but the cake was something else!!! I don't know where that cake came from but hats off to the baker of it - devil's food chocolate of the best quality, with the creamiest icing you can imagine.... it was DELISH!!! And of course, all the pics, and all the gabbing, and all the eating, and all the laughing.... what an afternoon!!!

But suddenly in the midst of all of this, my mom gets the idea to go take a family picture at the park near where my aunt and uncle live. It's a beautiful landscaped park with a pond and trees and rocks all around... totally peaceful and lovely. So we have to say good-bye to the guests who are still there partying, because we have to have the right light to take the picture!!! - and then we drive away in 4 cars and get to the place, and get everyone all set up - in the freezing cold, but with everyone in high spirits - and the shutters start to snap. That session was truly fun.

Later still, it's back to mimi and poppy's house to have our gift exchange... and give poppy his birthday present - which turns out to be this incredible grill that's already set up in the backyard (very mysteriously so I might add!) and everyone's wearing the hats and jewelry and other accessories they got, and getting instructions about use of gadgets, and mimi's handing out envelopes full of love and gelt and we're all getting teary-eyed and there are pictures and lots of paper and gift bags strewn around, which we collect for the recycling bin!

That night we're letting mimi and poppy have a well-deserved rest, as we go off to our motel and find a restaurant that's open and gorge on hamburgers and french fries - the kind that take hours to prepare, you know... old-home style...

And the next day, we go early to visit Aunt Dottie, who always has a box of books for us to sort through... and we visit with her, and with Sharon and Diana and even Lindsey who's come in with her dogs, who are adorable, and then we head over to Mimi and Poppy's where Fned and Hubby are packing up to leave already, and then it's time to say good-bye to them...

As they drive away, we make a plan to head up to Austin with Ruth... to see Drew play in his band and to visit old friends and to be in the unique atmosphere of Austin, which everyone is trying to keep weird....

During the Austin trip, we break for lunch at Chuy's for Tex Mex food and good vibes, and then to meet up with Stace at a unique coffee shop where Drew works when he's not playing music.... and then we split up for awhile, and meet back at the club where the music is great and we're all dancing around and finally it's late night and we head over to Stace's and she and I go out in the morning to bring back donuts to go with their fabulous coffee and a discussion that goes from the music of the night before, to what really happened on different occasions of the past, to the pros and cons of sunny-side-up vs. over easy ... and laughter.

Then we're back to Mimi and Poppy's with hot dogs and buns ready to be grilled, and we enjoy a yummy barbeque on the new pit before heading out to the airport to drop off Lu and Ruth who are going back to their respective abodes... and then the rest of us stay the night, and the next. These are the days we go on different quests for things on lists, and and then it's time to start preparing to leave. The idea is to start out in the afternoon and drive across the border. But the day has turned so rainy and cold, and the hour gets later, and we still want to get those last things, and the Spurs are playing, and Uncle Boots and Joanie come by, and then we decide to watch a movie with popcorn... and get a good night's sleep.

So it's Wednesday. The 30th. We head for the border early early. It's been a wonderful reunion with so many people and good feelings and so much laughter and fun. It's all captured in pictures in about 20 different cameras from different angles at different moments, and we'll trade them and remember how great it was to be together on Poppy Day 2009!

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYBODY!!!

P.S. Some pics to start you out...