I haven't forgotten. Did you think I would? How could I forget this same day 31 years ago... that excitement, the screaming hectic can't-wait-gotta-have-it-now longing... getting off the plane and seeing you. And that time-stopping, all-devouring look that passed between us for an eternal milisecond before we came together in a tremendous hug that was cut off before it could go anywhere, and we got my stuff and walked out of the airport... And that was the intensity we lived through with each other every day (or most of them) for the first ten years. Whether we were together or apart - and we had some separations during that time because that was all part of it too - we were always connected, never far from the other in thought or feeling.
Then came the year of ambivalence, and then 4 years of starting from scratch on a new adventure - I loved all of that so much. And finally, it was back here, to this place, where I still am now. It made for an intensity of a different type - the bad was worse, and the good was too good to last. So we kept rollercoasting our way through the years, but what we both realized, in our most lucid moments, in those times when we were together looking at everything with synchronized vision, was that we were constantly redefining and increasing our understanding of true love - it's hell sometimes, we'd say. But oh, the good moments!! Oh those perfect perfect moments!!
So I just want you to know that I haven't forgotten any of it; in fact, I reflect on parts of it at least 3 or 4 times a day... and I feel the intensity of your first feelings for me as well as your last - you loved me at the beginning for who I was then, and you loved me at the end for who I am now. And you have to know that's how I loved you too.
(don't worry, I took down and saved the original blog I put up here, but I'm leaving the abridged version, just because; I only hope I still left the essence of it intact!)
6 comments:
Wow, don't quite know what to say. It was lovely... takes your breath away that you could capture it all so well with words, that feel like so much more than just words...
Dun4:... yeah, and that was the abridged version! I'm glad you got the feeling of it; that's what words are all about, and I really wanted to get them said!
Thank you for sharing your intimate thoughts, even for an "abridged" version, the sentiments and feelings shone through. Lovely.
CC: you're welcome. Isn't it strange how the internet just invites you to lay it all out there... as if some divine presence is going to pat you on the back and say, "yep, you're doing okay, you're a helluva person." Or as if you just know that the right person will read it and get it and then you'll know that you were right in feeling it and writing it down... I think that's what gets into me whenever I blog, and when I read other's blogs.
I read both versions, they touched my heart. Love is so much of so many different emotions, sometimes it is just the lasting that holds you through it and then the joy catches you and you are so glad you stayed the course. You caught all that. Thank you.
Jonna, yes, that's exactly it. You put your finger right on it! Glad you could see it and appreciate it.
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