I had such a good idea for a blog, but now that I'm here I've totally forgotten what it was!! Something to do with writing, something I've discovered about writing... I guess 'discover' may not be the right word after all, since I seem to have let it slip away. But anyway, the truth is, I have writer's block... it's been horrible! I can't sit down and write, no matter how many tricks I employ to entice myself into staying in my chair and writing. So here's today's effort: it's a trick I learned from incredible book I once read. The idea is to limber up your mind by freeing it from its natural tendency to constrain your ideas. So you set the timer for ten minutes and you write for that amount of time. You start with a phrase like 'I remember...', and then go on and on, just writing without deleting or changing. If you get stuck, you just start again with 'I remember...' or the opposite, 'I don't remember'... the idea is simply to keep writing. At the end of the ten-minute period, you put it away and start on your real writing. But in my case, after the 10-min period, I'm going to go back and correct any typos or whatever (after all, it's my blog), so you will get the edited version of my rambling... Okay, here goes, except that tonight's opening is:
I want
I want a lot of things, though I can't exactly remember what I wanted yesterday or even two minutes ago. I want to be in a big open space and to be sitting on sand or maybe in a field that smells of orange blossoms. I want to roll in the grass and get dirty and not have it matter and not be worried about chiggers or ants or any bug at all. When I finish rolling around, maybe I'll sit up and take a look around. Even though I want many things, I suppose I ought to realize I'm not the only person in the world to be wanting something. Maybe I should stop and think about what other people might want or not want. Does it matter? Isn't this my own space? Don't I get to want something when it doesn't matter what anyone else wants since it's not like I'm going to get what I want anyway? What's the deal on that? What is wanting for that matter? You say you want something, but you probably hardly ever even know why! Do you? Really really why? You're out on the street looking in windows and thinking, 'oh I like those shoes, I'm going to try them on'. And they fit, so you say, 'well they're not too expensive and I have the money. I should get them. I can afford them, and I want them'. So you buy them. But did you really want them? Would you have wanted them if you had never been walking down the street and seen them in the window? Okay, well, that's one kind of wanting. Let's say it's spontaneous.. But there are other kinds of wanting. Think about when you make lists of things you want - maybe you call it your wish list. I have lots of those. I categorize them! I have a 'places to go' list, a 'things to do' list (not things I have to do, but things I want to do), a 'things to get' list (not necessarily to buy, but rather to obtain!), a 'things to find out about' list... etc. etc. I want many things and I know I'll never get them just by wanting them suddenly and then forgetting, so I make lists of them and then I go back over time and look at them and remember wanting them and decide if I still want them. Or maybe when I'm reading over my lists I'll realize that it's the perfect time to get/do some of those things now. So I'll concentrate on that and really get/do them and cross them off my list. And that - completing the circle of wanting by waiting it out and letting the want go through all its stages - is truly fulfilling! (and so is the feeling you get when you cross it off the list). I'm thinking about one of those lists right now. It's a places to see list. Now the truth of the matter is that I'm going to be traveling soon. I have a fixed destination in mind, but I am going by road, and I am going to be the driver, so I could in fact plan to stop along the way at all the places - or let's say at least a few of them - that are on my list. That would really be neat! I think I might do it! I can just imagine it. In fact, the first thing I must do is get a good map. Now, the question is, would you say I want a map or I need a map? Is there a difference? In short, what is wanting?
I want
I want a lot of things, though I can't exactly remember what I wanted yesterday or even two minutes ago. I want to be in a big open space and to be sitting on sand or maybe in a field that smells of orange blossoms. I want to roll in the grass and get dirty and not have it matter and not be worried about chiggers or ants or any bug at all. When I finish rolling around, maybe I'll sit up and take a look around. Even though I want many things, I suppose I ought to realize I'm not the only person in the world to be wanting something. Maybe I should stop and think about what other people might want or not want. Does it matter? Isn't this my own space? Don't I get to want something when it doesn't matter what anyone else wants since it's not like I'm going to get what I want anyway? What's the deal on that? What is wanting for that matter? You say you want something, but you probably hardly ever even know why! Do you? Really really why? You're out on the street looking in windows and thinking, 'oh I like those shoes, I'm going to try them on'. And they fit, so you say, 'well they're not too expensive and I have the money. I should get them. I can afford them, and I want them'. So you buy them. But did you really want them? Would you have wanted them if you had never been walking down the street and seen them in the window? Okay, well, that's one kind of wanting. Let's say it's spontaneous.. But there are other kinds of wanting. Think about when you make lists of things you want - maybe you call it your wish list. I have lots of those. I categorize them! I have a 'places to go' list, a 'things to do' list (not things I have to do, but things I want to do), a 'things to get' list (not necessarily to buy, but rather to obtain!), a 'things to find out about' list... etc. etc. I want many things and I know I'll never get them just by wanting them suddenly and then forgetting, so I make lists of them and then I go back over time and look at them and remember wanting them and decide if I still want them. Or maybe when I'm reading over my lists I'll realize that it's the perfect time to get/do some of those things now. So I'll concentrate on that and really get/do them and cross them off my list. And that - completing the circle of wanting by waiting it out and letting the want go through all its stages - is truly fulfilling! (and so is the feeling you get when you cross it off the list). I'm thinking about one of those lists right now. It's a places to see list. Now the truth of the matter is that I'm going to be traveling soon. I have a fixed destination in mind, but I am going by road, and I am going to be the driver, so I could in fact plan to stop along the way at all the places - or let's say at least a few of them - that are on my list. That would really be neat! I think I might do it! I can just imagine it. In fact, the first thing I must do is get a good map. Now, the question is, would you say I want a map or I need a map? Is there a difference? In short, what is wanting?
Beep - beep! Time's up!
okay, so the ten-minute writing was great! I might do it again sometime! Though please bear in mind: what you've just read is basically nonsense! The real writing is going to start now! (if I'm lucky)
2 comments:
Great post and great idea. It's funny, with a four year old we are going through the "I wants!!!" and "I needs", sometimes the line is blurry between them. I know my son "needs" a pair of shoes as he has outgrown his old ones, but that need is superceded by which shoes he "wants".
Of course, a 4 year old NEEDS to have the Ben 10 watch, how could he survive without it? I try to explain to him that he "wants" it, but he's pretty darned insistent that it is a "need". And at 4, is there much of a difference? Desire can become so overwhelming that it is a need, not getting what we desire can cause a pain that can only be cured by fulfilling that "want".
When does a "want" evolve into a "need"? I "want" to travel becomes I "need" to travel when overwhelmed by life.
Ok, I promise not to take ten minutes to write the comment, haha. Just wanted to say that you've made me think, thanks!
CC: HA! So, you've identified with the ramblings of my mind - and you seem to find them perfectly logical! I guess that comes from having a 4-yr-old open your eyes to the ambiguity of words! Now you know I could go on and on with this, but I'll save it for the next 10-min exercise! Thanks for the feedback.
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