minshap - Both Sides of the Coin: August 2009

Why do I battle so against pessimism? I know that a long time ago, I myself was rather pessimistic, so why have I no compassion now for pessimistic attitudes in others? I well remember everyone calling me a hypochondriac at age 12. And I remember thinking "nothing really matters" was the greatest truth of Life when I was experimenting in search of self at the end of high school and first year of college. And I know that I told my Dad, when he said, "We just want you to be happy" that being happy wasn't what I was aiming for; rather, that I was searching for truth, which by then meant realism and dealing with hard facts and trying to improve things and living in the here and now. That was at age 25, having become a mother for the first time. I had my partner and we were on a quest. And having a little daughter only brought everything into focus and gave us a more visible path to go down. Now we would have to be examples for her, and later for her little brother, and so on and so forth. And somewhere along the way, what I saw as the search for truth became intricately woven into what I wanted to be a truly good life for them, the next generation. And being a good example meant making changes where I could and accepting things I couldn't change and shifting from an emphasis on politics and war to environmentalism and education. And always, always, trying not to lose sight of what pure creativity will do to nourish your soul.
That's when pessimism totally moved into the past for me. Because how can you waste time moaning and groaning about everything that you're faced with, when there are so many other more exciting, interesting, useful, beneficial ways to see it? I'm so upset at this moment because I can't talk to someone close to me. We live in different spheres. We see things so differently and nothing I say is comprehensible to her and what she says, though comprehensible, seems so futile to me, so unchallenging, so oppressive, so stifling. Here's an example:
She got her class schedule which will be from 3:00 pm to 9:00 Monday - Thursday, and came to me with a horrified face as she told me. My first reaction: How great! No classes at all on Fridays! You'll have time to eat lunch before you go and not have to be buying lunch outside every day.
Her reaction to my reaction: ARE YOU KIDDING? MY SCHEDULE HAS NO BREAKS! AND ONE OF MY CLASSES IS FOUR HOURS LONG!
My reaction to her reaction to my first reaction: But you'll have the whole morning to do things you want to do. You'll have Friday completely free!!! The four-hour class won't be 4 hours straight, you'll see; there are at least 3 breaks I bet - or one long one.
Her reaction was pure rejection and the last words I heard from her were to the effect that she was going to drop the 4-hour class. All I could say at that point was that I didn't want to talk about it any more; what use would there be if she couldn't see anything I was saying. She would just have to do what she had to do. I left her fuming at the table and brought my banana bread and coffee upstairs... and here I am blogging about it.
And now look at this: she just came upstairs so I asked her to sit with me here and read my blog before I put it up and she sat down and read it aloud, at my begging request.
Her first reaction: I hate how you write your blog sometimes...
My reaction to her reaction: oh sorry.
Her reaction to my reaction to her first reaction: laughter, a shake of the head and "not really"... and we actually talked afterwards. And guess what that talk led to? I found out that she does indeed have a class on Friday - that's the day whe she has only one class - the 4-hour one!
And what's the upshot of this? She's still in her world and I'm still in mine, but our worlds moved closer together. For instance, look how we miscommunicated the first time around! We ended this last talk with a tear and a smile and now she's moved on, and seems to be lining up her strategies to putting plan B into effect - trying to change her schedule once school starts; I got to do the reinforcement thing of telling her how capable she is of getting what she wants; she's incredibly intelligent and has an abundance of determination and that will take her a loooong way. She's not so pessimistic about things and I'm feeling like it was worth it to write this blog! You see? I can't help it! I'm always on the lookout for the rainbow - and that's how I deal with pessimism.

After a trip like I/we had, it's a dose of reality to be back to your regular life. First there was a plane trip and a whirlwind stay with family and friends north of the border, during which I:
Got my driver's license thanks to my Dad, who lent me his car and was a good sport about sitting and waiting for me for two hours while I took first the written, then the practical driving tests. Of course, he did get to sit in an air-conditioned room with the newspaper and a library book, so I guess it wasn't too hard to be patient. And since I passed the test, that must have made it all worthwhile, right?
Ate some fabulous enchiladas with my parents and sibs one afternoon (made by my Dad!)

YUMMY!

Saw the beginnings of a house my cousin is having built by her sister's husband who is an architect!

House going up in the woods!

Witnessed the moment when my mom received the most lovely news from my sister!

And what a surprise that was!

And just enjoyed my stay to the max!

Then it was on the road and living in the camper and traveling south to places I've been before, lived in before, and seeing people I've missed and wondered about, and spending money and trying to find ways to beat the heat, and having the van looked after, and looking after the dog on the road, and eating the most scrumptious food during the whole two different trips (and coming back to find that I've gained 2kilos because of that) and swimming in seas and cenotes and looking for rivers and river-rocks (and bringing back a whole bucketful of river-rocks) and helping Lu move out and move in, and swinging in hammocks, and sleeping in hammocks when the van was too hot to consider a sleeping place...

We took lots of pictures, but in trying to choose the best ones, I get too wishy-washy! Here are some the ones I like best: