Friendships that build your life

I know that on the surface I am what you would call a sociable person.  I meet people with enthusiasm, listen avidly to their tales and ask all sorts of questions, enjoy laughing and kidding with them, and try to keep the tempo upbeat.  I'm also open and frank, I'm not shy about giving my opinions when asked to, and I can tell stories and relate a multitude of humorous anecdotes from my life.
All of that is well and good, but the truth is, I don't get a chance to play that role very much.  Usually, I'm more of a recluse.  I go to work and come home.  That's it.  On the weekends I usually have tons of housework to drudge through, as well as one or two translations to work on, and at any rate, even if I have the time to go out and socialize, I end up opting to just stay home and hang out... feeling that it would take too much effort to put on that other face and become that other person.
Last weekend was one of the most unusual, socially-fulfilling weekends I've had in a looooong time.  In three days, I had the rare opportunity to re-establish the bond with three different - and each in her own way wonderful - friends.  And it all came together so beautifully!

During the week, I had to call Marbar about something and as we were talking, I realized that it had been so long since we'd seen each other.  She's one of the first people I met in Mexico; her husband was Car's boss for a long time, and we used to go on great trips together to the Caribbean, and different places.  She's been like an aunt to all my kids, and she has this knack for stepping in with the solution just at the right moment. Though we've grown apart over the last few years, whenever we talk, it's like we're still right back there at the beginning and everything we talk about has a link to the things we've shared in the past.  In short, she knows me as I was when I crossed the threshhold and started my life in Mexico.  Recently, she too has become a widow and has found it hard, so when I called her, I suddenly said, "Let's go out for a glass of wine together sometime!"  And she agreed, and we settled for that Friday, and I asked her to name the place and she did (I'm totally ignorant about places to go, as I rarely go out!).

That same day, I checked my e-mail and there was one from Urs, another good friend who used to be my boss, inviting me to her annual chiles-en-nogada get-together on Saturday.  Feeling honored at receiving this invitation, as she and I have barely seen each other for months and months, I accepted with great enthusiasm.  I thought it would be wonderful to have the chance to spend a bit of time with her after so long and I resolved to bring a good bottle of wine along to the dinner. 

Just after I had RSVP'd her to say YES to her invitation, I received an e-mail from another friend - Pam - who was my first best friend.  You know how you go to elementary school and make friends there, but then, when it's time to go to Jr. High (or middle school as it's now called) you find yourself alone again, in a different school from the one your friends enrolled in, and you must start all over. 

Well, that's how it happened that I met Pam.  She came from a different elementary school so we met during the first week of Jr. High.  We became best friends almost immediately, in all the ways that teenagers do - talking for hours on the phone, spending the night together, going on long walks after school, or visiting at each other's houses (mostly I went to her house, since both her parents worked and we could have the house to ourselves so to speak).  She introduced me to music, poetry, critical thinking, and many other things I was eager to learn about.  I think that for her, I was the lightness she wanted and needed as she had passed the childhood state and saw Life as serious business, while I still enjoyed being a child.  I was exuberant and innocent, always ready to jump into something new, or take a dare, or be the clown.  For me, she was the teacher, as she showed me that serious side I knew existed in me, and helped me bring it out and develop it.  And of course, we both loved to write and that was the bottom line.  Writing and sharing our compositions, poetry, etc. was a big part of our relationship.

So, I received the e-mail from Pam saying that she was coming here!  She would actually be here on the day of the chiles en nogada!!!  Luckily her plane would arrive late in the afternoon, so I would go visit her at her hotel on Sunday morning.

What an extraordinarily enriching weekend I had!!!  On Friday evening, I discovered a new restaurant - small and cozy, decorated with an abundance of plants and wood, with the tables set out on an enclosed patio, where music played softly and animated conversation swirled to the rhythm.  The food was reasonably priced and very tasty, the micheladas were excellent, and of course the company couldn't be beat!  We jumped from topic to topic, leaving some unfinished, only to return to them from another angle.  We said good-bye with many a hug and promises to get together again soon.  Curiously enough, when I drove off, I remembered that we had never even gotten back to the subject which had sparked off the invitation in the first place!! 

Marbar with Carm on the beach - '92

On Saturday, the chiles en nogada were fabulous!!!!!  There were 20 people there, and most of us knew each other to some degree... and good vibes flowed as easily as the wine!   I got a chance to meet a composer whose song I recently heard on the radio and loved!  You can hear it here (number 7 was the one I heard on the radio, but all are great):  http://www.zombra0.freehall.com.mx/ We talked for some time after the meal and he promised to let me know when any good live music events (of this type or others that we talked about) came to town.  I also finally got a chance to re-establish my connection with Urs, who is such a delightful and generous person, who has and carries out one great idea after another.  She really knows how to live her dreams, and her enthusiasm is contagious.  She always makes me feel like I know what I'm doing even when I may not!  She always sees something beautiful in me that I've seen but never acknowledged myself.  She is a person one can't help but love and admire. 

Urs at last year's chiles-en-nogada (weather was the same this year!)

And then it was Sunday and I took the bus to the big city... saw a corny movie on the way, and didn't even protest when I had to get off the bus before the end of the movie.  Then it was a lengthy subway ride, though luckily without having to change lines, and then a 10-minute walk to the hotel.  Lo and behold, when I got to Reforma, which is the huge central avenue, I encountered an aerobics class in full swing in the middle of the street, with at least 50 or 60 people following the movements of the leader, and cyclists having a leisurely (or speedy) ride up and down the avenue... NO CARS!!  Music, laughter, people in the streets!  Totally fine.

As for my meet-up with Pam, what can I say?  How many kilometers did we walk for the next 10 hours, up and down streets, in and out of subway stations, shops, the zocalo, the Grand Hotel... with the weather allowing us to enjoy being outside, and the Sunday easiness acting as a relaxing background for our trek. Our last meet-up was 6 years ago for a day in New York, where she was living at the time, and I came away from this meeting as full of friendship as I did the last time.

So, here's to good friends - whether we see them often or seldom, one thing is irrefutable:  Good friends make life something personal and true.  Family does it too, of course, but good friends are the mirror in which you see yourself beyond what your bathroom mirror shows you.  When it seems like forever since you had a chance to see yourself from someone else's eyes, you need to spend time with a good friend.  A good friendship can never be truly lost, but its roots grow deeper and are nourished by a night out for a glass of wine, or a home-cooked dinner together, or a meet-up to close the distance that normally separates you.

Chums!

Time's getting short - as usual.  Somehow though, I knew the right moment would present itself for me to write this blog - so here goes:

 They came about 10 days ago.  They arrived and it was as if we had seen each other only a few days ago, and not the 15 months it had really been.  She was still my beautiful darling Pao and he was as always the strong and handsome, supportive and easy-to-please Andre.  They were ready for action the moment they touched ground it seemed.  Hardly a moment to chat, take a look around and it was time for them to get ready to go to a wedding.  From there, they would be going to another wedding.  We'd be in contact by phone - we thought - though as it turned it out, it took quite a bit of experimentation to make our phones accept each other as cell-mates!  (international codes and all).  Meanwhile it turned out that I had an unexpected gig myself and, since Carm and Sam came with me, we were all gone that first day, so we practically didn't see each other at all!  On the second day, I asked André to come with me for more recording and he was so accommodating - he went with no expectations or conditions... just enjoyed it and it was a nice "rato".  We also stopped to buy supplies on the way home, and when we got there, Pao and Carm had cooked, Anto and Sam were cleaners and we had a nice lunch together.  The rest of that day Pao had commitments with friends and Andre hung out with Anto and Sam. (I of course was translating) Then it was Monday and my regular work-week demands took over for me.  Everyone else had stuff to do to... besides, André went to pick up their friend Jorge from the airport in Mexico city where they spent the day.  Pao got over her jet lag... and so the week began.  She rented another car (all ours were either in use, or of doubtful reliability for big trips) and they made day trips to places up to 2 hours away by car, coming back to the home base each evening. So the week passed.  Until it was Saturday morning and we started on our journey to Merida and the Caribbean.  It began well enough - started out only an hour.later than planned..But the rain settled in early on to accompany us most of the way and when the motor decided to get cantankerous, we had to stop.  Here came an interesting pause in the trip.  We managed to drive the van until a gas station and pull in under a roof to check things out.  There we stayed while Sam conversed with Lu by phone and together they worked out all the possibilities of the problem until coming up with a solution.  Sam got his first taste of near-electrocution which both energized him and sobered him to the dangers of tinkering with the motor when you're wearing someone else's 'leather' gloves (they weren't really leather you see!).  But in the end, he figured it out and fixed the problem and a scant 5 hours later, we were on the road once more.  Since reaching our destination the same night was out, we decided to stop for a grand dinner (having eaten but chips and cookies all day) after which we would look for a cheap hotel to catch some winks, and get on the road early the next morning.  The dinner turned out to be totally yummy, relaxing and cozy.  We had no trouble finding the place, getting a parking space and washing up in the bathroom.  The food was delicious and certainly "hit the spot" as they say.  So we were ready afterwards to get out of Villahermosa and head for Frontera, where we'd wait out the night in a little roadside inn.  Weeelllll.... that turned out to be the low point of the trip.  Talk about a HIDEOUS hotel!!  And it was supposedly a 3-star hotel! Very depressing at first sight, and you basically had to close your eyes and just walk into the room, take a quick shower (with your flip-flops on) and shake out the sheets and gingerly lie down and hope for sleep to come quickly.... which it did in my case.  So that the next morning, before 5 we could be up and about and on the road by 5:30.  There in the pre-dawn fog, André took the reigns to drive us thru the grim pot-hole-ridden stretch between Frontera and Ciudad del Carmen, (sorry you got that gig André, but you came through the experience with flying colors!), then there was more relaxed driving from there till Champotón, a stop for brunch of shrimp cocktails on the beach, and then, on to Mèrida.  We got there in pretty good time, even with the erroneous signs that kept saying Merida - 51 km. for about 51 km.
Seeing Lu, it was like old times with the whole family together, although Anto isn't with us this trip.  Lu had us laughing ourselves inside out with his zany interpretations, stories, observations and impersonations of people and events from the real to the outer realms of the unreal!  He also took us to eat unbelievably greasy food, where the flies and mosquitos were so thick he had to set up a mosquito coil to ward them off.  But it was Sunday evening, so we took what we got, and then there was a walking tour of downtown to compensate the after-dinner sluggishness, and André at least got some great photos of that - I keep trying to get them to come out with my camera, but still don't always manage to program it right for the different light conditions.



  The next day was super cool - a drive out to visit 3 hidden cenotes.  It was quite a journey, most of it made by sitting in a little cart pulled by a horse over an ancient track running straight through the jungle for 18 kms.



 There are 3 stops - each for a dip in a different cenote - all of them lovely, fresh and cold - and with entrances you look at dubiously... in one place, there was a hole in the ground with a ladder going straight down - maybe 20 or 30 rungs, and you could barely fit through the hole with your backpack.  When you got to the bottom it was so dark you couldn't see where you were walking.  But in every case, I just went to the platform and jumped to the depths below where the water was icy cold and totally inviting.  Of course you can't touch bottom in these cenotes, so you are basically floating, dog-paddling or downright swimming the whole time you're in them, unless you can find a place to cling to on the rocky sides of the cave.  At any rate, a totally enjoyable day - dios bo ti (Mayan for thank you) - with time out for beer and chips, and later a good shower and meet-up with cousins for a dinner in an outdoor cafe in the balmy evening breeze on the main avenue with delicious "cheladas" and tortas ahogadas, with good conversation and lots of laughter.


Last night, more of the same, but today, oh today.... today, in a few minutes I will have to say good-bye to Pao and André.  They're going to Quintana Roo and the Caribbean and we are staying here to visit nearby beaches in Yucatán.  They're equipped with sunblock - be sure to use it guys! - mosquito repellent (Jorge, with luck there won't be moscos on the beach) and chile habanero readily available.  Meanwhile, I have to reckon with the inevitable good-bye scene, and I hate saying good-bye when I'm the one who's staying.  It's always easier to be the one who leaves.  You know you're going somewhere new for more adventures, whereas the one who stays can only remember the good times and miss the ones who left.  I will truly miss them.  I think I've had the most wonderful moments with them ever.  Actually exchanged several mutually heartfelt hugs with Pao, and she and I are not usually the hugging type.  I hope they both know I enjoyed every minute with them, even if I was tired out from too much jiggling around in those "trucs" or even if the heat had me totally floored... just having them around made everything wonderful.  I will miss you guys and here's hoping your trip continues with more great photos, great food, delightful adventures, and a turquoise ocean to swim in.