Friendships that build your life

I know that on the surface I am what you would call a sociable person.  I meet people with enthusiasm, listen avidly to their tales and ask all sorts of questions, enjoy laughing and kidding with them, and try to keep the tempo upbeat.  I'm also open and frank, I'm not shy about giving my opinions when asked to, and I can tell stories and relate a multitude of humorous anecdotes from my life.
All of that is well and good, but the truth is, I don't get a chance to play that role very much.  Usually, I'm more of a recluse.  I go to work and come home.  That's it.  On the weekends I usually have tons of housework to drudge through, as well as one or two translations to work on, and at any rate, even if I have the time to go out and socialize, I end up opting to just stay home and hang out... feeling that it would take too much effort to put on that other face and become that other person.
Last weekend was one of the most unusual, socially-fulfilling weekends I've had in a looooong time.  In three days, I had the rare opportunity to re-establish the bond with three different - and each in her own way wonderful - friends.  And it all came together so beautifully!

During the week, I had to call Marbar about something and as we were talking, I realized that it had been so long since we'd seen each other.  She's one of the first people I met in Mexico; her husband was Car's boss for a long time, and we used to go on great trips together to the Caribbean, and different places.  She's been like an aunt to all my kids, and she has this knack for stepping in with the solution just at the right moment. Though we've grown apart over the last few years, whenever we talk, it's like we're still right back there at the beginning and everything we talk about has a link to the things we've shared in the past.  In short, she knows me as I was when I crossed the threshhold and started my life in Mexico.  Recently, she too has become a widow and has found it hard, so when I called her, I suddenly said, "Let's go out for a glass of wine together sometime!"  And she agreed, and we settled for that Friday, and I asked her to name the place and she did (I'm totally ignorant about places to go, as I rarely go out!).

That same day, I checked my e-mail and there was one from Urs, another good friend who used to be my boss, inviting me to her annual chiles-en-nogada get-together on Saturday.  Feeling honored at receiving this invitation, as she and I have barely seen each other for months and months, I accepted with great enthusiasm.  I thought it would be wonderful to have the chance to spend a bit of time with her after so long and I resolved to bring a good bottle of wine along to the dinner. 

Just after I had RSVP'd her to say YES to her invitation, I received an e-mail from another friend - Pam - who was my first best friend.  You know how you go to elementary school and make friends there, but then, when it's time to go to Jr. High (or middle school as it's now called) you find yourself alone again, in a different school from the one your friends enrolled in, and you must start all over. 

Well, that's how it happened that I met Pam.  She came from a different elementary school so we met during the first week of Jr. High.  We became best friends almost immediately, in all the ways that teenagers do - talking for hours on the phone, spending the night together, going on long walks after school, or visiting at each other's houses (mostly I went to her house, since both her parents worked and we could have the house to ourselves so to speak).  She introduced me to music, poetry, critical thinking, and many other things I was eager to learn about.  I think that for her, I was the lightness she wanted and needed as she had passed the childhood state and saw Life as serious business, while I still enjoyed being a child.  I was exuberant and innocent, always ready to jump into something new, or take a dare, or be the clown.  For me, she was the teacher, as she showed me that serious side I knew existed in me, and helped me bring it out and develop it.  And of course, we both loved to write and that was the bottom line.  Writing and sharing our compositions, poetry, etc. was a big part of our relationship.

So, I received the e-mail from Pam saying that she was coming here!  She would actually be here on the day of the chiles en nogada!!!  Luckily her plane would arrive late in the afternoon, so I would go visit her at her hotel on Sunday morning.

What an extraordinarily enriching weekend I had!!!  On Friday evening, I discovered a new restaurant - small and cozy, decorated with an abundance of plants and wood, with the tables set out on an enclosed patio, where music played softly and animated conversation swirled to the rhythm.  The food was reasonably priced and very tasty, the micheladas were excellent, and of course the company couldn't be beat!  We jumped from topic to topic, leaving some unfinished, only to return to them from another angle.  We said good-bye with many a hug and promises to get together again soon.  Curiously enough, when I drove off, I remembered that we had never even gotten back to the subject which had sparked off the invitation in the first place!! 

Marbar with Carm on the beach - '92

On Saturday, the chiles en nogada were fabulous!!!!!  There were 20 people there, and most of us knew each other to some degree... and good vibes flowed as easily as the wine!   I got a chance to meet a composer whose song I recently heard on the radio and loved!  You can hear it here (number 7 was the one I heard on the radio, but all are great):  http://www.zombra0.freehall.com.mx/ We talked for some time after the meal and he promised to let me know when any good live music events (of this type or others that we talked about) came to town.  I also finally got a chance to re-establish my connection with Urs, who is such a delightful and generous person, who has and carries out one great idea after another.  She really knows how to live her dreams, and her enthusiasm is contagious.  She always makes me feel like I know what I'm doing even when I may not!  She always sees something beautiful in me that I've seen but never acknowledged myself.  She is a person one can't help but love and admire. 

Urs at last year's chiles-en-nogada (weather was the same this year!)

And then it was Sunday and I took the bus to the big city... saw a corny movie on the way, and didn't even protest when I had to get off the bus before the end of the movie.  Then it was a lengthy subway ride, though luckily without having to change lines, and then a 10-minute walk to the hotel.  Lo and behold, when I got to Reforma, which is the huge central avenue, I encountered an aerobics class in full swing in the middle of the street, with at least 50 or 60 people following the movements of the leader, and cyclists having a leisurely (or speedy) ride up and down the avenue... NO CARS!!  Music, laughter, people in the streets!  Totally fine.

As for my meet-up with Pam, what can I say?  How many kilometers did we walk for the next 10 hours, up and down streets, in and out of subway stations, shops, the zocalo, the Grand Hotel... with the weather allowing us to enjoy being outside, and the Sunday easiness acting as a relaxing background for our trek. Our last meet-up was 6 years ago for a day in New York, where she was living at the time, and I came away from this meeting as full of friendship as I did the last time.

So, here's to good friends - whether we see them often or seldom, one thing is irrefutable:  Good friends make life something personal and true.  Family does it too, of course, but good friends are the mirror in which you see yourself beyond what your bathroom mirror shows you.  When it seems like forever since you had a chance to see yourself from someone else's eyes, you need to spend time with a good friend.  A good friendship can never be truly lost, but its roots grow deeper and are nourished by a night out for a glass of wine, or a home-cooked dinner together, or a meet-up to close the distance that normally separates you.

Chums!