Today I'm forcing myself back to positivity. I've always maintained that I'm an optimist, that I look for ways to make things better, not worse, that I hate it when people complain. So if I don't want to be a hypocrite, I'll just have to be hypocritical and say things are great. Because essentially they are. Uh-oh, here we go....
You see, I flubbed up. I flubbed up bad - again - embarassingly bad.... I know no one cares but me, and maybe the other person who for sure thinks I'm nuts, too naive for words, or completely full of it. But that's all.
Meanwhile, I've spent over 24 hours not being able to get over it. I wrote a blog that took 7 hours to write and perfect, trying to explain, or rather exonerate, myself. But it didn't help! I posted it and then a few hours later took it down, knowing it was stupid and ridiculous - just aimless, highfaluting bs! Okay, I do believe what I was talking about in the tutorial, in which my student actually got up out of his chair and threw his arms out and shouted it couldn't be so, and at the end of which he stared at me with an expression of utter bewilderment and asked: "so you really believe that people can lead themselves?"... oh, why am I going back to all that - Move on Minshap, get over it! I mean I can believe in harmony, rhythm and balance if I want to. I can believe I live my life by these beliefs, and that my household works under those premises, can't I? I can believe that people can be self-leaders. It doesn't mean they can't be group leaders too! They can! (my student is an important manager). Anyway, it's all just talk, and if you want to know what it was about, put it in a comment, and I'll repost the other blog.
But what I want to say in this blog is that, after beating myself up over it, after not being able to muster up the enthusiasm or even a sense of obligation to go to my art class - which I had assured my teacher I wouldn't miss, or the kermes at the neighbors' house, which I had promised to stop by and buy food at, or even cook up the meal I had said I would cook for my kids - and this is grave because we ended up eating nachos and popcorn all day... after all of that, I did shake it off! I pulled myself out of my own morbid negativity!
How, you ask? Well, first I bullied myself into doing my chores. I washed a thousand dishes and cleaned the stove. I felt like I was being punished, but in fact it was really my turn to do the kitchen, only I'd been moping around so much I'd let them accummulate to massive proportions. My back felt like hell at the end of it, but at least I knew I'd done something productive! Everyone congratulated me. It was like I'd really contributed to the cause (even though I hadn't cooked up the meal I'd promised, but then today is another day!)
Next, I participated in a family activity - we watched Matrix III, got incredibly bored with it and switched to Kramer vs Kramer - completely opposites in terms of genres but who cares? That was with popcorn, homemade lemonade, the works.
Then everyone went their own way - some to bed, some to parties, I myself decided to tackle the cuckoo clock. And that was the thing that brought me back to the good place I'm in now. It was hell! I surfed the net to find instructions, read them over a billion times, opened the back of our cuckoo clock, worked on it under the dim light of a florescent bulb, with my bad eyes straining to see the sprockets and chains which are hidden behind a metal barrier that cannot be removed. You have to stick a hook through the spaces in the metal and coax the chains over the sprockets. I didn't have a hook - but I had a toothpick and determination! When I put the clock back up and got it going - had to fiddle with the pendulum weight till it got the right rhythm - when I heard the cuckoo bird's call 15 minutes later at midnight - on the dot according to my watch! - I felt elated. And this morning, when I got up and discerned through the morning stillness the steady tick-tock of the cuckoo clock, I felt positively absolved! My bout with negativity was over!
The only thing I forgot is that, DST made the hour fall back, so my cuckoo says it's an hour later than it really is... but there's no way I'm going to change the hour now. Tomorrow will be soon enough!
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Apology to a Leader
To G., in an effort to explain...
I believe in balance. I sometimes refer to it as harmony, or rhythm, or the yin/yang; I think of it in connection with God. The first time I started to see the tremendous connections between these concepts was when I had been playing Tetris for awhile. Did you ever play that game? This was back in the 90’s and my computer had it as part of the standard equipment. I played it so often, that I started to see everything I did in terms of bricks that I could accommodate and fit into slots to build columns.
Then Matrix came out. I think I watched that movie at least 8 times. At my house, we all did. It never failed to awe us – the idea that you could find patterns behind all actions and participate as part of the pattern. So that fit into the whole Tetris concept of bricks falling into place in their columns, and now there was also a master pattern to become part of. The insights I got from Matrix provided lots of new and interesting topics to talk about with my tutorials and my kids, and it eventually led me to the whole idea of how information travels. And that was right around the time we all heard about The Secret. Remember that? The law of universal attraction? I added that to the already abundant evidence that harmony and rhythm are what it's all about. Now there was even another dimension to it all - attraction of information as needed to keep growing. I could now see how to accommodate the bricks with better accuracy, and the patterns behind actions seemed even more discernible. I saw patterns and neat accommodation possibilities and rhythm in the traffic, at work, any time I looked out for them. Questions I found myself asking one day were answered for me the next! Was it simply because I was more aware??
Finally, I realized that I mustn’t leave out the one other crucial element in the order of things: COMMUNICATION. Of course I've always believed in that, but putting everything together, I found that I could do all sorts of things in all sorts of different ways; I could even make an agreement to swap tasks with someone else, or re-arrange the order of priorities. And I could explain and convince whenever it was necessary to get what I needed.
But wait - harmony? Rhythm?? Balance??? We were talking about Leadership, remember? Well yes, but Leadership is what holds it all together, and if others reach the same place, the power structure begins to change and leadership turns into a floating concept.
During our last class, you found it hard to believe that there wasn't an overall "leader" of the house. And I suppose I was wrong when I insisted there wasn't. I mean, technically I am the leader as I'm the breadwinner. But I don't look at it that way most of the time. It seems to me that what we have here are 4 or 5 (depending on who's home) full-time self-leaders who take over whenever required as momentary group leaders. What we do is switch around all the roles in what is sometimes a chaotic way, but which does have its order as long as we don't forget the essential ingredient: COMMUNICATION. We've become the most flexible family you can imagine but we find it necessary to adapt as no one person is around enough to be the constant leader.
I'm not saying it's a perfect arrangement. What I am saying is that we all agree that it's the best way for us. The important point - the interesting aspect of it - is the harmony, the balance, the building of confidence that evolves from our close communication. We all know that any one of us can take the lead when necessary. I know I made it sound invincible - perfect - and of course it's not, but it is possible and it’s challenging to put into action.
As for the idea being extended to work situations, I wasn't trying to imply that there is no use for leaders at work. On the contrary - it's to be desired! In fact, I get so excited thinking about all the possibilities, that I probably sounded irrational to you. But look at this: if we work in a way where everyone is encouraged to find out how much they can do alone and who they can get to help them when they need it, then our leaders will be freer to observe it all and straighten out the kinks they see with the full approval and appreciation of their people. And when their people can work out their own kinks without constant intervention by the leader, the leader will be even freer, maybe to help in another area where things are not running so smoothly or with such balance and harmony. Leaders can keep creating and modifying their roles as needed and so can their people. The key is to have good communication at all times. Because when that breaks down, you get problems full in the face.
At any rate, I hope this has cleared up your doubts and concerns; I hope you can see what I mean since in fact, I consider you a leader like that. You seem to lead your people in that kind of way and in all our conversations I've always felt that each of us was speaking on equal terms when there was an idea on the table. On the other side of the coin, even though I'm your English teacher and might technically be considered the "leader" in that sense, you are your own leader and you take your learning from me as you need it - you don't wait for me to give it. So you do lead yourself! I always say that if all students were like that, teachers would have a much more exciting job! People who know what they want and what they need and look for ways to get it keep the "leaders" on their toes and each task becomes something bigger than it was when it was just the leader trying to motivate or force their people to tow the line.
Okay, I'll stop for now. It's not complete. There are so many other things I could add as examples of what I mean. But for fear of going over the deep end again, I’ll stop.
I believe in balance. I sometimes refer to it as harmony, or rhythm, or the yin/yang; I think of it in connection with God. The first time I started to see the tremendous connections between these concepts was when I had been playing Tetris for awhile. Did you ever play that game? This was back in the 90’s and my computer had it as part of the standard equipment. I played it so often, that I started to see everything I did in terms of bricks that I could accommodate and fit into slots to build columns.
Then Matrix came out. I think I watched that movie at least 8 times. At my house, we all did. It never failed to awe us – the idea that you could find patterns behind all actions and participate as part of the pattern. So that fit into the whole Tetris concept of bricks falling into place in their columns, and now there was also a master pattern to become part of. The insights I got from Matrix provided lots of new and interesting topics to talk about with my tutorials and my kids, and it eventually led me to the whole idea of how information travels. And that was right around the time we all heard about The Secret. Remember that? The law of universal attraction? I added that to the already abundant evidence that harmony and rhythm are what it's all about. Now there was even another dimension to it all - attraction of information as needed to keep growing. I could now see how to accommodate the bricks with better accuracy, and the patterns behind actions seemed even more discernible. I saw patterns and neat accommodation possibilities and rhythm in the traffic, at work, any time I looked out for them. Questions I found myself asking one day were answered for me the next! Was it simply because I was more aware??
Finally, I realized that I mustn’t leave out the one other crucial element in the order of things: COMMUNICATION. Of course I've always believed in that, but putting everything together, I found that I could do all sorts of things in all sorts of different ways; I could even make an agreement to swap tasks with someone else, or re-arrange the order of priorities. And I could explain and convince whenever it was necessary to get what I needed.
But wait - harmony? Rhythm?? Balance??? We were talking about Leadership, remember? Well yes, but Leadership is what holds it all together, and if others reach the same place, the power structure begins to change and leadership turns into a floating concept.
During our last class, you found it hard to believe that there wasn't an overall "leader" of the house. And I suppose I was wrong when I insisted there wasn't. I mean, technically I am the leader as I'm the breadwinner. But I don't look at it that way most of the time. It seems to me that what we have here are 4 or 5 (depending on who's home) full-time self-leaders who take over whenever required as momentary group leaders. What we do is switch around all the roles in what is sometimes a chaotic way, but which does have its order as long as we don't forget the essential ingredient: COMMUNICATION. We've become the most flexible family you can imagine but we find it necessary to adapt as no one person is around enough to be the constant leader.
I'm not saying it's a perfect arrangement. What I am saying is that we all agree that it's the best way for us. The important point - the interesting aspect of it - is the harmony, the balance, the building of confidence that evolves from our close communication. We all know that any one of us can take the lead when necessary. I know I made it sound invincible - perfect - and of course it's not, but it is possible and it’s challenging to put into action.
As for the idea being extended to work situations, I wasn't trying to imply that there is no use for leaders at work. On the contrary - it's to be desired! In fact, I get so excited thinking about all the possibilities, that I probably sounded irrational to you. But look at this: if we work in a way where everyone is encouraged to find out how much they can do alone and who they can get to help them when they need it, then our leaders will be freer to observe it all and straighten out the kinks they see with the full approval and appreciation of their people. And when their people can work out their own kinks without constant intervention by the leader, the leader will be even freer, maybe to help in another area where things are not running so smoothly or with such balance and harmony. Leaders can keep creating and modifying their roles as needed and so can their people. The key is to have good communication at all times. Because when that breaks down, you get problems full in the face.
At any rate, I hope this has cleared up your doubts and concerns; I hope you can see what I mean since in fact, I consider you a leader like that. You seem to lead your people in that kind of way and in all our conversations I've always felt that each of us was speaking on equal terms when there was an idea on the table. On the other side of the coin, even though I'm your English teacher and might technically be considered the "leader" in that sense, you are your own leader and you take your learning from me as you need it - you don't wait for me to give it. So you do lead yourself! I always say that if all students were like that, teachers would have a much more exciting job! People who know what they want and what they need and look for ways to get it keep the "leaders" on their toes and each task becomes something bigger than it was when it was just the leader trying to motivate or force their people to tow the line.
Okay, I'll stop for now. It's not complete. There are so many other things I could add as examples of what I mean. But for fear of going over the deep end again, I’ll stop.
Friday, September 3, 2010
An Anniversary Message
How lucky do you get to be in your lifetime? Or is "luck" the word to use? Whatever the case, however you interpret it, I feel that my life is a marvelous miraculous journey. And one of the most incredible aspects of it is that I was born into such a wonderful family and had the benefit of growing up under what I call the epitome of good parenting. And today marks the day of their 60th anniversary!
This one is for you, Mom and Dad.
When we were growing up, it wasn't just me and my sibs who found you so remarkable - all our friends envied us. Everyone would say how great you were as parents, they even used adjectives like 'wise' and 'perfect' to describe you.
And you're still going strong! I love you for your zest for life. I love you for your cheerful certainty that everything will fall into place. I love you for showing me by your example how to see what needs to be done, and how to face things. I love you for always letting me know that I'm loved and valued. I love you for all the things you do for EVERYONE - how you just seem to KNOW how to say or do the right thing at the right time to make it all better...
I sometimes wonder how you stay so strong - who plays the role for you that you play so well for others?
I think it's your curiosity, your desire to know what else is going on, to try new things, to discover something remarkable every day. It's also your sense of humor, being able to see the funny side of things and joke and kid around, and even laugh at yourselves. And of course it's also your respect and appreciation for the beauty of life.
And the best part of all the above is the way it is interwoven into the unique design of your partnership! You go so well together, you create your own balance; you bring in the tide and send it back together with the benefit of all you know combined.
Dear Mom and Dad, I wish you all the best and send you all my love on this, your 60th anniversary!
This one is for you, Mom and Dad.
When we were growing up, it wasn't just me and my sibs who found you so remarkable - all our friends envied us. Everyone would say how great you were as parents, they even used adjectives like 'wise' and 'perfect' to describe you.
And you're still going strong! I love you for your zest for life. I love you for your cheerful certainty that everything will fall into place. I love you for showing me by your example how to see what needs to be done, and how to face things. I love you for always letting me know that I'm loved and valued. I love you for all the things you do for EVERYONE - how you just seem to KNOW how to say or do the right thing at the right time to make it all better...
I sometimes wonder how you stay so strong - who plays the role for you that you play so well for others?
I think it's your curiosity, your desire to know what else is going on, to try new things, to discover something remarkable every day. It's also your sense of humor, being able to see the funny side of things and joke and kid around, and even laugh at yourselves. And of course it's also your respect and appreciation for the beauty of life.
And the best part of all the above is the way it is interwoven into the unique design of your partnership! You go so well together, you create your own balance; you bring in the tide and send it back together with the benefit of all you know combined.
Dear Mom and Dad, I wish you all the best and send you all my love on this, your 60th anniversary!
Sunday, August 22, 2010
The one-question survey
I can't get that movie out of my mind - Julie and Julia. I saw it, then saw it again, and it still sits with me in a comforting way. The movie itself is warm and entertaining, but the idea of blogging for a set purpose is what really entices me. So, I've decided to blog like Julie did. I'm not setting dates and all that, because, first of all, I haven't figured out how you do it, and second of all, I'm not sure how well I would come out on that, as I tend to let things slide (remember the tomatoes???).
But this blog-project is about the one-question survey I did during the last days of 2009. I'll start by setting the scene:
When I started studying German over 2 years ago, I got truly passionate about it (Deutsch ist noch meine Leidenshaft und ich möchte in der Zukunft ein Blog auf Deutsch schreiben, aber das ist eine andere Geschichte!).
One day, another teacher, our director in fact, expressed concern about the fact that a lot of students were getting poor grades on one of the big official German exams. She asked me why that was so... of course, she was just wondering out loud, and it wasn't like she expected an answer in that moment, but her question made me wonder too.
I mulled it over, thought about it from all angles, trying to settle on a single determining factor. I finally concluded that, in order to learn a language (learn anything for that matter) what one must basically have is the desire above all to learn it. Of course there are other important factors, but having the will to learn (or a need to learn which prompts the desire) drives the whole learning process itself.
The next morning, I stopped by the director's office to tell her my answer, not to her original question, but to what lies behind that question, and we ended up discussing the reasons people learn (and don't)... a very subjective discussion to be sure, but quite interesting and satisfying.
In fact, as I left her office a little while later, I felt that I now needed to know what other teachers thought. Since our school is a language center where Spanish, English, German and Portuguese are taught, there are teachers from different countries giving classes. The director herself is German and Mexican by birth, I come from a direct line of migrating ancestors, our kids - hers and mine - are bilingual or trilingual, so we have a definite preference for promoting multilingual (multicultural) living. I wondered what the other teachers in our school would answer if I asked them. So I did!
I approached each teacher asking them to please answer my one-question-survey. The original question was simply: "Why do some people learn a foreign language better than others?" But I quickly realized that it wasn't complete enough, so the final wording of the question was:
Answers are coming... Stay tuned for the next blog entry.
But this blog-project is about the one-question survey I did during the last days of 2009. I'll start by setting the scene:
When I started studying German over 2 years ago, I got truly passionate about it (Deutsch ist noch meine Leidenshaft und ich möchte in der Zukunft ein Blog auf Deutsch schreiben, aber das ist eine andere Geschichte!).
One day, another teacher, our director in fact, expressed concern about the fact that a lot of students were getting poor grades on one of the big official German exams. She asked me why that was so... of course, she was just wondering out loud, and it wasn't like she expected an answer in that moment, but her question made me wonder too.
I mulled it over, thought about it from all angles, trying to settle on a single determining factor. I finally concluded that, in order to learn a language (learn anything for that matter) what one must basically have is the desire above all to learn it. Of course there are other important factors, but having the will to learn (or a need to learn which prompts the desire) drives the whole learning process itself.
The next morning, I stopped by the director's office to tell her my answer, not to her original question, but to what lies behind that question, and we ended up discussing the reasons people learn (and don't)... a very subjective discussion to be sure, but quite interesting and satisfying.
In fact, as I left her office a little while later, I felt that I now needed to know what other teachers thought. Since our school is a language center where Spanish, English, German and Portuguese are taught, there are teachers from different countries giving classes. The director herself is German and Mexican by birth, I come from a direct line of migrating ancestors, our kids - hers and mine - are bilingual or trilingual, so we have a definite preference for promoting multilingual (multicultural) living. I wondered what the other teachers in our school would answer if I asked them. So I did!
I approached each teacher asking them to please answer my one-question-survey. The original question was simply: "Why do some people learn a foreign language better than others?" But I quickly realized that it wasn't complete enough, so the final wording of the question was:
In your opinion, why do some people seem to learn a foreign language better, easier, and/or faster than other people?
Answers are coming... Stay tuned for the next blog entry.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
those chick flicks
Remember when we watched Romancing the Stone, Six Days Seven Nights, Green Card, True Lies, Overboard, A Walk in the Clouds, First Knight, Zorro, The Goodbye Girl, The Family Stone, Far and Away, Maverick, Something's Gotta Give, As Good as it Gets, and French Kiss in what seemed like a never-ending cycle? There were others, but those ones were always the mainstays - chick flicks. You grew to love them - or rather, you loved watching them with me. I loved watching them with you too... we would start talking about something in the movie, an idea, or a gesture or the way they kissed, or the emotion behind something they said, or we'd chide them for their blindness, or find ourselves remembering some event in our early life together, or with our kids, or we'd take a moment to wonder what it would have been like if we'd done something similar... you didn't want to watch blood and gore, or movies that got too involved, too suspenseful or too dramatic - you wanted to watch romance in the making in the middle of an adventure, and then, as the movie progressed, you'd cuddle with me until we were slowly lulled into asleep, although I sometimes watched the movie to the end no matter how many times I'd seen it! And yet, it was always fun, always as if it were the first time, always exciting to pop the movie into the player and get ready to watch it with you.
I haven't watched any of those flicks lately. It's just not fun to watch a chick flick by yourself. It's okay, because I've been watching other movies and I watch them with Sam or with Clo or with Anto and Moni... or all of us together. And if I'm alone, I watch thrillers, which is more enjoyable without your annoying observations about some actor's/actress's body or real-life messy love-life, or those exasperating derrogatory remarks about the flashbacks being purposely too confusing, followed by inevitable scoffs about Hollywood tactics until I lose the thread; or I watch old black and white movies or musicals, 2 genres you never liked. But on Friday in class, we watched Overboard, and I explained about chick flicks - and it made me think of you with a smile and that old familiar love.
I haven't watched any of those flicks lately. It's just not fun to watch a chick flick by yourself. It's okay, because I've been watching other movies and I watch them with Sam or with Clo or with Anto and Moni... or all of us together. And if I'm alone, I watch thrillers, which is more enjoyable without your annoying observations about some actor's/actress's body or real-life messy love-life, or those exasperating derrogatory remarks about the flashbacks being purposely too confusing, followed by inevitable scoffs about Hollywood tactics until I lose the thread; or I watch old black and white movies or musicals, 2 genres you never liked. But on Friday in class, we watched Overboard, and I explained about chick flicks - and it made me think of you with a smile and that old familiar love.
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Belated Apology - okay!
Earlier today, I published a belated apology. Whether it was accepted or not is still unclear, but one thing I do know - it was heard and acknowledged, so there's no reason to keep it published (and publicized) mission accomplished!
Friday, July 9, 2010
Twenty!
She's 20! She's through with the teens. Twenty is a number that says something. It stands for balance and perspective. You know you're an individual, a separate peson, when you're 20. It's the reward for having reached and crossed over a threshhold. No one can call you a teenager and lump you in with those who fall into that unfortunate category. Yet you don't have to be a real 'adult' either. 20 is like a rehearsal, with lots of room to adapt and grow into the role. In fact, what you are when you're 20 is a young person! It's a very gratifying thing to be. A young person.
She's 20 today and she's going to be 20 for a whole year! Does she feel the difference? Knowing her, I believe she does. Is she ready for it? Knowing her, I believe she is.
Happy Birthday Carm! Twenty years old today!
Good going so far; good things coming ahead.
And always and evermore, my love.
She's 20 today and she's going to be 20 for a whole year! Does she feel the difference? Knowing her, I believe she does. Is she ready for it? Knowing her, I believe she is.
Happy Birthday Carm! Twenty years old today!
Good going so far; good things coming ahead.
And always and evermore, my love.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)