A word about inspiration - and bathroom walls

I promised myself I would blog today.  I've been trying to finish the bathroom because I wanted to post pictures, but the truth is that I haven't really finished... so I feel I shouldn't put anything up... but maybe I can treat this like a preview... you know?  Because I want to put something up.  I'm afraid I'll lose my momentum if I let too much time go by between posts.  Look what happened to me before!

Okay, the truth is that I was incredibly depressed - in spite of  trying everything I knew to pull myself out of it - going to the U.S. to start over - just for awhile - coming back and determining to get back into art, writing, languages, yet not doing much in any of those areas, then a trip to Europe, another bout of trying to psyche myself up for art, languages, writing, and failing again, a trip to the U.S. with the whole family to bring home the fact that I am blessed beyond the limits of the concept to have such a loving group of people to call family, and then...

A new year.  THIS new year, and the undeniable fact that it was the house, MY house, that was depressing me so.  And of course I knew it all along; I might have been trying to escape it and blame my depression on other things, but deep down I knew it was the house, so finally, finally I decided to try to do something about it... because I know that you have to BE where you ARE; if you don't like it, you can go somewhere else, but if you stay, it's with the understanding that you will make "where you are" where you want to be.

Over the past two years I have left, come back, left again for a shorter term, come back, each time hoping that NOW I would be able to get back into a good rhythm, and each time failing bacause I couldn't face the fact that I would have to make a HUGE effort to make where I AM where I actually want to BE.

Until this new year... after 2 complete years of living in limbo, a vicious circle of half-hearted hope and borderline depression... where life went on, where I tried to make myself and others believe everything was hunky-dory, but where I knew it wasn't.  I didn't write, I didn't paint, I didn't study anything... I just worked and came home and watched movies, and googled everything I could think of, and tried out routines of this or that, but I couldn't make anything stick.  I lacked inspiration.

And now it's starting to come back - maybe it's not quite the jumping-out-of-bed-in-the-morning thrill I used to feel each day, but it's true inspiration, nourishingly satisfying, the kind that motivates me to do more, try harder, be greater.

So when Carm said she was going to take on the LR, I thought it was only fair to take on the bathroom, and that triggered other things, like starting to study German again, for real, going back to art class, for real, blogging again, for real! Things started to balance out once again, finally, for real!

I know I should feel angry or frustrated or at least regretful about having lost my way for so long, but I don't; instead I feel happily relieved, as if all of that was inevitably leading me to what has become this HERE and NOW.  I needed to get that lost in order to appreciate what I've found.

Enough with the pilosophizing...
     
      Here are
            the photos I took
                  of the bathroom walls...
                        freshly painted
                  with 2 coats of sheer
            lighter-than-white green.    

I took two pictures in the morning, and the other at night with artificial lighting.  I guess that makes a difference in how the color of the walls will be perceived!  But trust me, they are all the same color.

        

The painters and their astounding results!!

So the painting went on last weekend.  Now the LR has been painted, as well as the front hall.  Furniture will still need to be put in but I'm putting that off for a while, as there are other expenses to consider this next month.  We still have another month to pay for the furniture we selected and even if I end up not getting it, I will only be out 100 pesos for the "hold".
Meanwhile, this weekend is my room and the bathroom.  I'll call this Part I because I'm sure there will be several parts to each of these makeovers.  Today I'm clearing out stuff and moving it to the study until I decide what to do with it.  I was going to do the study first, but the problem is the clutter in my own bedroom.  I think it's really affecting my mental state!!!  If I want to have a clear mind, I need to clear out this room!!!  Okay, I'm going to start.  Box 1 is already halfway filled.  But do check out the painting party from last weekend.  Carm and her friends really got the job done!!! Anto ended up doing a great job on the door, although I never thought he'd need to take it off the hinges to paint it!  EVERYTHING LOOKS SO GREAT!  THANKS TO ALL WHO PARTICIPATED!!!

Behind the vines

Well, another two weeks has gone by.  I haven't done much, but instead of berating myself about it, I'm just going to accept the fact that I don't know how to really go about this.  I sure wish someone would give me some pointers here.  A game plan would be ideal... I did bring some boxes home, and they are in the study, and the study itself is emptier than it used to be, which is excellent... in fact, I realized today  that I can actually now use it for the place to do yoga, or for painting, or meditation... It heartens me to think like that...  I mean I start getting ideas like putting down the perfect yoga mat, or setting up a place to work and putting out all my painting supplies.... Guess I'd better get back up there and fill up those last boxes.  Then I'll just stack them and have them ready to give to one of the neighbors who likes all the used books, videos, clothes, etc. Back to work.  Wish me luck.

two weeks later...

... I'm not doing things in order.  I seem to have a HUGE problem with getting my own bedroom in order, much less the study!  HOWEVER, and thanks to helping hands from my kids and others, some things have gotten done that immensely improve the house.  For example, I bought 4 new planter pots and Anto transplanted the large plants that were choking in their too-small pots; they look like they feel much better in their new homes.

The kitchen is coming along with its scrubbed and shining appliances and new dishrack.  We ordered a really neat comfortable-as-anything LR set that will be ready to be picked up in about 6 weeks, during which time Carm thinks she can organize a painting party so that the whole downstairs area will be ready for new furniture (in the hopes that after the LR, we'll be able to do the DR).

I cleaned out the utility area, and the guys took all the stuff to be recycled or trashed.  Then they re-roofed the outside storeroom and cleaned it out, making the space usable for bikes, garden equipment, etc.

Meanwhile, back to my task for today... MY OWN BEDROOM.  I think if I can just get that done, I'll be able to move on to the study.

2014 - Will I blog more than twice this year?

Well, it wasn't one of my New Year's Resolutions to blog more, but considering what my only NY Resolution is, blogging just might make it more doable. Because my resolution is to make this year The Year of the House; that's right, a colossal home-improvement project. Daunting! Just contemplating the scope of It makes me feel like I need a cigarette, and I don't smoke anymore... As for the glass of wine I'm drinking, it's doing nothing to stop the terror of the mere IDEA of it.  After all, I am only one person...

But wait!  I am one person and I can do what I can do!  OPTIMISM TO THE RESCUE!

According to Lu, my son, you can totally fix up your house if you take it a room at a time.  One week per room. In one week, you can clean out the junk, paint the walls, and rearrange / complement your furniture, or can you?  In my case, maybe not.  But 2 weeks sounds feasible!  On a 2-week-per-room schedule it will take 28 weeks to fix up the inside of the house, plus another 8 weeks for the outside (facade, patios, garden, garage), coming to a grand total of 36 weeks - 9 months, the time span from conception to birth.  

How appropriate!  How symbolic!  But just in case, let's even give it another 10 weeks for unexpected setbacks.  Let's say that my home-improvement project will be a done deal by Guadalupe Day (Dec. 12th), 2014.  Can I live with that deadline?  I'll tell you in 2 weeks, after the first room is done... or not.

Assuming that I am indeed going to do this, I would say that the room most urgently in need of improvement would be the downstairs bathroom.  It's just got to go.  However, in view of the fact that this is January, the month when money is at its scarcest, and in the belief that hurdles are best surmounted if you start with the easiest, it might be better all the way around if I let the first room be the study, which would only involve cleaning out the junk, rearranging the furniture, cleaning and painting the walls, ceiling, and window frame.  I should be able to do that in 2 weeks with minimum cost, right?  Wish me luck!

Midnight Shake-Up or the Earth Rocks!

Visiting friends in Mexico City, I got to experience one of those moments where you find yourself at the fork in the road on a cosmic level.  It's been awhile since I've felt the earth move under my feet so to speak, although, as it happened, I was in bed at the time, just having drifted off to sleep... it was a real shaker, the earthquake I mean.  The walls shuddered, the floor rumbled, the atmosphere spun with energy.  Inside I was reeling with all the movement, wondering if I should get up, wondering if a pillow over my head would protect me, trying to feel one with the phenomenon and totally in awe of the forces involved.
When it was over, I wasn't sure what to do.  Manuel got up and went to check things in the apt., making sure there were no gas leaks, checking the electricity connections, phoning... I stayed in my allotted room, listening and feeling each subtle shift in the return to stability.  And then I fell asleep.
This morning it's lovely outside, streets washed clean after yesterday's rain, birds chirping their daily songs, a peaceful Sunday morning.  Beautiful! Amazing! I'm feeling deeply grateful and happy to be here, on this new day, Father's Day in fact!   Happy Father's Day to my Dad, and to all dads.

New Year's Day 2013 - what are those birds singing about, I wonder?

2013 begins today.  I woke up and it was just getting light, but I knew right away... this is the first day of the new year.  I didn't make any resolutions, but the birds outside my window are sure chattering away and singing about something!  I wonder if birds feel the difference... their songs certainly seem joyous today! 
I watched this little year-in-review video and was disappointed.  It started okay, but then the images flashed by so fast, it was impossible to discern the event, the person, or what any of it might mean.  I look back on my year and see that there was a lot to it.  I mean, a lot of firsts, a lot of changes, a lot of learning, a lot of doing... I like that.  That's what I hope this year will be like too. 
I was thinking about the why of it all last night.  Seated on the couch in my living room, I can look out on the horizon of the small town below, and several others beyond and see some of the most gorgeous sky-illuminators you could wish for.  So as the first minutes of 2013 ticked by, I watched and crocheted in between the big colorful ones, and thought about my non-reflections and what makes people go so crazy about celebrating the new year.  It doesn't matter which new year, in terms of culture or calendar;  whatever your affiliations are, the idea of a new year is something special - even sacred.  Yet, it's just a moment passing! From one moment to another, it's suddenly something completely new!  I had to make myself go over it very carefully, until the real sense of the why of it made real sense to me!  We are marking time, trying to hold onto it, trying to measure ourselves and track our 'progress' by putting time into 365-day categories that we can look back on and look forward to... we are keeping our history in order and it's totally understandable, even impressive!  There are lots of theories and beliefs as to how it got thought up in the first place, and each one is remarkable in itself. 
And on a personal level, I feel happy remembering how we spent NYE; it was one of the nicest ones I've spent.  It had a delicious homeyness that gave it the perfect NYE atmosphere.   
So now, it really is 2013!  Better get started and see what's going on right from the beginning.  Happy New Year to all!