2013 begins today. I woke up and it was just getting light, but I knew right away... this is the first day of the new year. I didn't make any resolutions, but the birds outside my window are sure chattering away and singing about something! I wonder if birds feel the difference... their songs certainly seem joyous today!
I watched this little year-in-review video and was disappointed. It started okay, but then the images flashed by so fast, it was impossible to discern the event, the person, or what any of it might mean. I look back on my year and see that there was a lot to it. I mean, a lot of firsts, a lot of changes, a lot of learning, a lot of doing... I like that. That's what I hope this year will be like too.
I was thinking about the why of it all last night. Seated on the couch in my living room, I can look out on the horizon of the small town below, and several others beyond and see some of the most gorgeous sky-illuminators you could wish for. So as the first minutes of 2013 ticked by, I watched and crocheted in between the big colorful ones, and thought about my non-reflections and what makes people go so crazy about celebrating the new year. It doesn't matter which new year, in terms of culture or calendar; whatever your affiliations are, the idea of a new year is something special - even sacred. Yet, it's just a moment passing! From one moment to another, it's suddenly something completely new! I had to make myself go over it very carefully, until the real sense of the why of it made real sense to me! We are marking time, trying to hold onto it, trying to measure ourselves and track our 'progress' by putting time into 365-day categories that we can look back on and look forward to... we are keeping our history in order and it's totally understandable, even impressive! There are lots of theories and beliefs as to how it got thought up in the first place, and each one is remarkable in itself.
And on a personal level, I feel happy remembering how we spent NYE; it was one of the nicest ones I've spent. It had a delicious homeyness that gave it the perfect NYE atmosphere.
So now, it really is 2013! Better get started and see what's going on right from the beginning. Happy New Year to all!
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
Friday, December 21, 2012
Understanding the Meaning
So I can do this two ways: find the starting point of it all and go from there, or trace it backwards going dot by dot. OR, I can just do it my own way, which is to do it both ways...
Okay, let's start with last night - not the final penny dropping into the slot, but still a good place to start. I was sitting on the couch in the dark, with a shot of tequila, my thoughts, and a pad of paper and pen. As I noted at the top of the page, I was writing down my Thoughts in the Dark - a glorified To-do list if you will.
About halfway down the page, I thought, I should blog again, and I wrote it down, and added, "think of something to blog about".
This morning I woke up super early. It's my first day of vacation and I don't quite know what to do with myself, or rather, that's how I was feeling last night, which was why I made myself a list! So I jumped out of bed, because the first thing on my list was 'coffee and computer stuff'... As I plugged in my password to one of my accounts, I was frustrated for the zillionth time that I had keyed it in wrong and had to do it again, and I thought, just change the damn password. And that's when the penny dropped. You see, the potential password I came up with to replace the complicated one I was using is in fact the title of this blog! (I'm fond of using concepts for passwords, although I intersperse them with symbols and numbers to throw any would-be hacker off the trail).
Lately, I've been seeing the meaning of a lot of things, and I've come to the conclusion that Meaning is the definition of that certain force beyond ourselves. I know this force as Good minus one of the 'o's, although 'Good' in itself works well too come to think of it! But I don't want to infringe on anyone's right to believe or not to believe, and to call what they believe in whatever name they believe is correct. What I have discovered, at any rate, is this: if you find meaning in something, then it follows logically that there's something behind that meaning. Meaning by definition can never be be meaningless! The point is, meaning is stimulated by circumstances outside ourselves; we perceive meaning and make it part of ourselves. Finding and understanding meaning gives us reasons to live.
Here's how I came to that conclusion: I was driving to work the other morning, very early as usual. It was the morning after the 3rd night of the full moon, so the moon was still going down, gigantic, full and white. As I wound around a curve, taking several quick glances out my window to marvel at the moon hanging next to the Popo volcano, I also took a second to look out the passenger side window, where lo and behold, the sun was coming up, huge, round and orange, at the exact diagonal to the moon going down. It was so breathtaking, looking out my window to the moon, and then turning my head to see the sun! And I was crossing under the arc, right at the middle, made by the symmetrically perfect synchronization of these two events. It was some trip, let me tell you!
Now I could have continued on my way, seeing what I saw as just what it was: sun coming up on one side, moon going down on the other. Simple everyday occurrence. But the way I was driving through the middle of it, able to turn right and left to see one natural phenomenon and then the other, happening at an exact diagonal to each other, at an exact ratio of rise to set... it sent a shiver down my spine and brought a lump to my throat. Tears came to my eyes. It was clear to me that what I was seeing was not just an "everyday occurrence". It was something absolutely miraculous!
And yet, it does happen every day... so that's when I finally put it all together. You see, I could have driven by a few minutes later, and seen nothing unusual, but I got to see the exact moment where the meaning was visible. I got to be part of the miracle unfolding. That's all I needed to understand about it.
Knowing it was there, and I had seen it, been part of it, and understood the meaning of it up to that point took me to the final and most important realization: There's a message in the Meaning!
Okay, let's start with last night - not the final penny dropping into the slot, but still a good place to start. I was sitting on the couch in the dark, with a shot of tequila, my thoughts, and a pad of paper and pen. As I noted at the top of the page, I was writing down my Thoughts in the Dark - a glorified To-do list if you will.
About halfway down the page, I thought, I should blog again, and I wrote it down, and added, "think of something to blog about".
This morning I woke up super early. It's my first day of vacation and I don't quite know what to do with myself, or rather, that's how I was feeling last night, which was why I made myself a list! So I jumped out of bed, because the first thing on my list was 'coffee and computer stuff'... As I plugged in my password to one of my accounts, I was frustrated for the zillionth time that I had keyed it in wrong and had to do it again, and I thought, just change the damn password. And that's when the penny dropped. You see, the potential password I came up with to replace the complicated one I was using is in fact the title of this blog! (I'm fond of using concepts for passwords, although I intersperse them with symbols and numbers to throw any would-be hacker off the trail).
Lately, I've been seeing the meaning of a lot of things, and I've come to the conclusion that Meaning is the definition of that certain force beyond ourselves. I know this force as Good minus one of the 'o's, although 'Good' in itself works well too come to think of it! But I don't want to infringe on anyone's right to believe or not to believe, and to call what they believe in whatever name they believe is correct. What I have discovered, at any rate, is this: if you find meaning in something, then it follows logically that there's something behind that meaning. Meaning by definition can never be be meaningless! The point is, meaning is stimulated by circumstances outside ourselves; we perceive meaning and make it part of ourselves. Finding and understanding meaning gives us reasons to live.
Here's how I came to that conclusion: I was driving to work the other morning, very early as usual. It was the morning after the 3rd night of the full moon, so the moon was still going down, gigantic, full and white. As I wound around a curve, taking several quick glances out my window to marvel at the moon hanging next to the Popo volcano, I also took a second to look out the passenger side window, where lo and behold, the sun was coming up, huge, round and orange, at the exact diagonal to the moon going down. It was so breathtaking, looking out my window to the moon, and then turning my head to see the sun! And I was crossing under the arc, right at the middle, made by the symmetrically perfect synchronization of these two events. It was some trip, let me tell you!
Now I could have continued on my way, seeing what I saw as just what it was: sun coming up on one side, moon going down on the other. Simple everyday occurrence. But the way I was driving through the middle of it, able to turn right and left to see one natural phenomenon and then the other, happening at an exact diagonal to each other, at an exact ratio of rise to set... it sent a shiver down my spine and brought a lump to my throat. Tears came to my eyes. It was clear to me that what I was seeing was not just an "everyday occurrence". It was something absolutely miraculous!
And yet, it does happen every day... so that's when I finally put it all together. You see, I could have driven by a few minutes later, and seen nothing unusual, but I got to see the exact moment where the meaning was visible. I got to be part of the miracle unfolding. That's all I needed to understand about it.
Knowing it was there, and I had seen it, been part of it, and understood the meaning of it up to that point took me to the final and most important realization: There's a message in the Meaning!
And the message I got was: The possibilities are limitless!
Whew! Now that's what I call a revelation!
Sunday, October 14, 2012
Heads or Tails
So the thing is, I'm not sure what I want to do. You know what I'm talking about, don't you? One minute you're driving along, steering your life with cool intelligence, and the next, you find yourself stopped completely, idling at the fork in the road, unable to decide, and suddenly you're all mixed up.
I hate that - not being able to decide. What I like is when the decision is easy to make, so that it doesn't feel like a decision is being made at all. When it's like that, I feel powerful, victorious, enlightened with the sense of who I am. But when I can't decide, when no alternative beckons to me, or when those tedious side issues appear, distracting me and interfering with the decision process, then I go into escape mode. I stop thinking about it altogether, find a place where I can curl up and read, go for a walk or get into bed, or do any other activity where I can be alone and not think.
At some point, I inevitably decide on one of the paths open to me, either by process of elimination, or by circumstances dictating, or by someone else's agenda colliding with and changing the course of mine, or because what I really want to do in terms of the alternatives available finally becomes visible and viable to me. At that point, however, the sense of victory is reduced to a sigh of relief.
So here I am, standing at the fork in the road, that place of not being sure what I want to do. I'm in escape mode at the moment, though blogging about it can at least be seen as a constructive escape as opposed to getting into bed and watching a movie. And I've already decided one thing - and that's to give it a bit more time... I feel pretty sure that as soon as I post this, I'll know what I want to do... blogging does that for me.
I hate that - not being able to decide. What I like is when the decision is easy to make, so that it doesn't feel like a decision is being made at all. When it's like that, I feel powerful, victorious, enlightened with the sense of who I am. But when I can't decide, when no alternative beckons to me, or when those tedious side issues appear, distracting me and interfering with the decision process, then I go into escape mode. I stop thinking about it altogether, find a place where I can curl up and read, go for a walk or get into bed, or do any other activity where I can be alone and not think.
At some point, I inevitably decide on one of the paths open to me, either by process of elimination, or by circumstances dictating, or by someone else's agenda colliding with and changing the course of mine, or because what I really want to do in terms of the alternatives available finally becomes visible and viable to me. At that point, however, the sense of victory is reduced to a sigh of relief.
So here I am, standing at the fork in the road, that place of not being sure what I want to do. I'm in escape mode at the moment, though blogging about it can at least be seen as a constructive escape as opposed to getting into bed and watching a movie. And I've already decided one thing - and that's to give it a bit more time... I feel pretty sure that as soon as I post this, I'll know what I want to do... blogging does that for me.
Saturday, September 29, 2012
Love and Partnership
The discussion began with a question of what “normal” is in the sense of being able to have a healthy relationship with a person. We were talking about loving and being loved and the things inside us that prevent us from loving and accepting being loved. We entered into the pros and cons of being alone vs. being in a relationship and how strange it can feel when your friends have relationships and you don’t. Eventually, an argument arose that childhood events and Life itself shape us into individual persons with certain deficiencies in the areas of loving and being loved, upon which “experts” were quoted, categorizing people into groups with this or that hang-up. At that point, I felt I had to mention that I don't accept being categorized by anyone except myself. And since I’m no expert, I don't usually categorize myself.
But regardless of what the “experts” may say about being alone vs. being in a relationship, or about loving and being loved, there’s one thing I know for sure about myself: I don’t love as much as I probably could and I don’t expect to be loved as much as I probably should. Because here's the thing: I’ve always seen myself as detached, ever since I was a little girl writing stories in what the teacher had just explained as the omniscient point of view. By writing in the third person, you get to stay on the outside of things and see everything from all sides. From the moment I knew how to do that, I found that I liked living life in that way too... alone, on the outside looking in, and I secretly longed for a partner who could live that way with me... a partner with a capital P.
When you have a relationship where loving and being loved are constantly in competition, you often experience things like hurt, remorse, doubt and self-doubt, suspicion, anguish, self-pity, jealousy, etc., etc. But a partnership is always equal. You’re either partners, or you’re not. Inside the partnership, of course you love and you are loved, but it’s on a less emotional level. This doesn’t mean it’s not exciting or passionate - it’s very exciting and extremely passionate. The difference is that you can go in and out of those states as you will, without hurting your partner’s feelings because s/he is on the same wavelength so to speak.
In loving relationships with family and friends, I also prefer to keep a distance. I guess it sounds cold, selfish, maybe even cowardly, but I like the fact that we all live separate lives and when we come together, it’s to enjoy the moment. We can be as close as we want in the moment we connect, but there’s always the moment we each return to our own day-to-day, wishing each other well as we take our leave and looking forward to the next time.
With my kids, it’s an interesting situation. I’ve never been the most loving of mothers in the traditional sense, for the reasons I just explained, and I guess time will tell whether this was a good or a bad thing (if you can narrow it down to that). It seems to me now that we’re all kind of detached when it comes to showing emotion, i.e. love. Yet, we know how to make a moment meaningful. And we're not afraid to express ourselves with an intense hug and a special look, when that's how we feel...
The end of the discussion was about the evolution of a loving relationship, i.e. how respect and the golden rule fit into it, and finally the question came up of whether I would ever ‘find someone else’. Well, all I can say is: I’m not looking for a relationship. That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t be into living with a partner again, but not if I have to go looking for it. On the other hand, if someone completely sweeps me off my feet by proposing my kind of partnership, I’ll let you know.
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
Shower reflections on the go
This is one I've been meaning to write for awhile now... The original idea was to write about a reflection I had while taking a shower a few weeks ago, but since I have to leave in 30 minutes, I'll need to be concise, which might be tricky, since I tend to ramble.
Okay, so I was in the shower reflecting on the question my sister often interrupts me with when I'm wondering aloud to her about options, courses of action, etc., which is: "If you could do anything you wanted, what would make you the happiest?" Now that is a nice question to reflect on... but it conflicts with what I've often told my kids (and myself); the idea I got from the Rolling Stones - you know: "you can't always get what you want, but if you try..., you might find you get what you need..." I ended by rinsing off the whole thing with one of my all-time favorites, which is simply: 'So what?' and then thought: save it for a blog.
Now how do these things fit together? Well, in answer to my sister's question, it's not that easy! What would make me happy? If I could do whatever I wanted, what would make me the happiest? Hmm, seems easy to pick and choose on the surface, but each decision has consequences... could be in terms of economics, logistics, ecology, or a million other factors, but there are always consequences... and if you stop to think about them for a moment, you might find it necessary to change your mind about what would make you happy. So you have to do some critical thinking in there before you give a snap answer.
Which brings me to the RS concept of getting what you need, which is almost equal to getting what you want, which would probably make you happy. Sometimes I think that's the closest best answer to the whole 'be happy' philosophy. When you have what you need, you can feel pretty good, don't you think? And that's where 'so what' comes into play. Because if you're getting what you need, then so what if you're not totally happy???
Okay, that's all I have to say about this. It really sounded better in the shower, when it seemed important for some reason! But so what?
Okay, so I was in the shower reflecting on the question my sister often interrupts me with when I'm wondering aloud to her about options, courses of action, etc., which is: "If you could do anything you wanted, what would make you the happiest?" Now that is a nice question to reflect on... but it conflicts with what I've often told my kids (and myself); the idea I got from the Rolling Stones - you know: "you can't always get what you want, but if you try..., you might find you get what you need..." I ended by rinsing off the whole thing with one of my all-time favorites, which is simply: 'So what?' and then thought: save it for a blog.
Now how do these things fit together? Well, in answer to my sister's question, it's not that easy! What would make me happy? If I could do whatever I wanted, what would make me the happiest? Hmm, seems easy to pick and choose on the surface, but each decision has consequences... could be in terms of economics, logistics, ecology, or a million other factors, but there are always consequences... and if you stop to think about them for a moment, you might find it necessary to change your mind about what would make you happy. So you have to do some critical thinking in there before you give a snap answer.
Which brings me to the RS concept of getting what you need, which is almost equal to getting what you want, which would probably make you happy. Sometimes I think that's the closest best answer to the whole 'be happy' philosophy. When you have what you need, you can feel pretty good, don't you think? And that's where 'so what' comes into play. Because if you're getting what you need, then so what if you're not totally happy???
Okay, that's all I have to say about this. It really sounded better in the shower, when it seemed important for some reason! But so what?
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Balance: Exercise, Inspiration and the Human Element
I've been trying to psyche myself up to take better care of myself. You know, eat better, sleep more, get exercise, get a check-up, etc. All of these things, as well as enjoying the moment, not wasting time worrying about possible negatives, and letting my creative streak flow, are part of my ongoing inner-based minshap enhancement cycle . When you get right down to it, the key word here is "balance". Don't we all know it! Whether we use that word or some other to describe it, what we need and what we have to work at is balance. It might be a roller coaster ride, but if it keeps you moving and you don't fall off, it's okay. What we can't abide is not being able to keep on course... on some sort of course... which each of us devises for ourselves of course!
So, here's what I've discovered over the last few days of philosophizing over balance and its derivatives.
On the one hand, now that we're nearing the conclusion of our six-month experiment, it throws me into a mini-panic at times, thinking about having to say good-bye. You get used to being somewhere called home and you let people into your life there, and when you have to say good-bye, it hurts. Having the comfort of being able to tune into each other in a messenger chat, or with skype, or even thru FB, which I thought I'd never succumb to, is a relief. It's not really good-bye, but rather hello whenever we want. Maybe I'm just playing tricks on myself, but it helps tremendously to think of substituting good-bye with TTYL and leaving it at that. If that's all it takes to keep me from going off the deep end of sadness, I'll gladly accept it.
The other stuff about leaving, like sorting out what to take and what to leave - things - is no problem for me. We'll take what we want or physically can fit, and give away the rest. We haven't really accumulated much at any rate, though what we have accumulated is mostly BIG stuff... taking up lots of space! So we'll have to plan it out, but that's okay with me.
What really gets me though, is having to do the tedious stuff, like giving notice on the apt., something we just did, and there and then received a rude awakening. Turns out, we are required by the terms of our lease to pay one more month than we had assumed. We counted out the 6 months and thought we were okay, but turns out that in effect, the 6 months didn't start until the second month's rent... so we are supposed to pay September, when we will be gone by mid-August! We had a meeting with the administrators, but they would make no mutually beneficial agreement with us - for example if we found another renter so they wouldn't lose any money, or if we paid for the first week of March, which was not counted in our first month's rent, or if we left them our deposit - nothing moved them. At the end of the interview, when the manager finally came into the discussion and said she was sorry and that she understood our concerns and point of view and said we had signed a contract and there was just nothing she could do, I said quietly, "but of course there is something you can do. Contracts can be amended, if both parties agree. The truth is, you simply don't wish to do that. We came here hoping to appeal to you from the standpoint of the human element, but there seems to be no room in your organization for such consideration, which I find truly sad. It seems to be a sorry trend and we'll simply have to make sure the next contract we sign will be with people who don't subscribe to it."
We then took our leave, and we told ourselves, and each other, that we'd done the best we could, we'd made our point, we and they knew we were in the right, and they would most certainly feel bad about their actions for awhile... We reconciled ourselves to paying the money and considering it just one more lesson learned, but the truth is I haven't totally given up and may still find a way to get through to them in some way. It's not only the money you see, it's the human element! I hate to give up if there's still a chance I can get through to them on that level.
Meanwhile, I woke up the other morning and saw it was a good time to do some yoga. So I did, and the next morning, I woke up again and did it, and this morning, again. But it's not exactly yoga, or at least not totally. It's this combination of movements. I start with some basic yoga exercises I learned many years ago from a book, interspersed with those standard exercises we did in gym class and before swim practice when I was really young, which all blends together into a sort of "stretchy calisthenics" which, by adding more continuous movement, turns into an aerobics hodge-podge. Very interesting. I never know exactly what I will do, but it works, it's exhilarating, and it's graceful in a way I never thought was possible as I've never been particularly graceful in exercising (I could never follow an aerobics teacher/routine). Yesterday I kept at it for over 40 minutes! I had this neat idea of doing it with others, outside somewhere, each person moving to their own rhythm... What starts out in kind of a slow-motion stretching of arms, legs, torso, neck, etc. evolves into a sort of dance that takes you where it will, for as long as you will, spontaneously! Afterwards, I find myself wondering what it would have looked like on film, or to music...
I put the word "inspiration" in the title, and there's a reason for that. You see, when I was questioning the sense of replacing my "coffee and computer wake-up" for a "yoga and grapefruit wake-up" as my morning routine at this late stage, (50 ++), I immediately thought of my mother and her age and how she is always ready to make changes. So in effect, if you think of yourself as reaching 80+ or even 90+ years, there are still a good 25-40 years to go! Which is plenty of time to establish and grow into a new morning routine.
At any rate, old habits do die hard, and after the fruit, there does come a good moment for that coffee, which I'm just finishing now.... goes well with blogging, don't you think? The sun just peeked out, reminding me it's time to go out and greet the day. Have a great one everyone!
So, here's what I've discovered over the last few days of philosophizing over balance and its derivatives.
On the one hand, now that we're nearing the conclusion of our six-month experiment, it throws me into a mini-panic at times, thinking about having to say good-bye. You get used to being somewhere called home and you let people into your life there, and when you have to say good-bye, it hurts. Having the comfort of being able to tune into each other in a messenger chat, or with skype, or even thru FB, which I thought I'd never succumb to, is a relief. It's not really good-bye, but rather hello whenever we want. Maybe I'm just playing tricks on myself, but it helps tremendously to think of substituting good-bye with TTYL and leaving it at that. If that's all it takes to keep me from going off the deep end of sadness, I'll gladly accept it.
The other stuff about leaving, like sorting out what to take and what to leave - things - is no problem for me. We'll take what we want or physically can fit, and give away the rest. We haven't really accumulated much at any rate, though what we have accumulated is mostly BIG stuff... taking up lots of space! So we'll have to plan it out, but that's okay with me.
What really gets me though, is having to do the tedious stuff, like giving notice on the apt., something we just did, and there and then received a rude awakening. Turns out, we are required by the terms of our lease to pay one more month than we had assumed. We counted out the 6 months and thought we were okay, but turns out that in effect, the 6 months didn't start until the second month's rent... so we are supposed to pay September, when we will be gone by mid-August! We had a meeting with the administrators, but they would make no mutually beneficial agreement with us - for example if we found another renter so they wouldn't lose any money, or if we paid for the first week of March, which was not counted in our first month's rent, or if we left them our deposit - nothing moved them. At the end of the interview, when the manager finally came into the discussion and said she was sorry and that she understood our concerns and point of view and said we had signed a contract and there was just nothing she could do, I said quietly, "but of course there is something you can do. Contracts can be amended, if both parties agree. The truth is, you simply don't wish to do that. We came here hoping to appeal to you from the standpoint of the human element, but there seems to be no room in your organization for such consideration, which I find truly sad. It seems to be a sorry trend and we'll simply have to make sure the next contract we sign will be with people who don't subscribe to it."
We then took our leave, and we told ourselves, and each other, that we'd done the best we could, we'd made our point, we and they knew we were in the right, and they would most certainly feel bad about their actions for awhile... We reconciled ourselves to paying the money and considering it just one more lesson learned, but the truth is I haven't totally given up and may still find a way to get through to them in some way. It's not only the money you see, it's the human element! I hate to give up if there's still a chance I can get through to them on that level.
Meanwhile, I woke up the other morning and saw it was a good time to do some yoga. So I did, and the next morning, I woke up again and did it, and this morning, again. But it's not exactly yoga, or at least not totally. It's this combination of movements. I start with some basic yoga exercises I learned many years ago from a book, interspersed with those standard exercises we did in gym class and before swim practice when I was really young, which all blends together into a sort of "stretchy calisthenics" which, by adding more continuous movement, turns into an aerobics hodge-podge. Very interesting. I never know exactly what I will do, but it works, it's exhilarating, and it's graceful in a way I never thought was possible as I've never been particularly graceful in exercising (I could never follow an aerobics teacher/routine). Yesterday I kept at it for over 40 minutes! I had this neat idea of doing it with others, outside somewhere, each person moving to their own rhythm... What starts out in kind of a slow-motion stretching of arms, legs, torso, neck, etc. evolves into a sort of dance that takes you where it will, for as long as you will, spontaneously! Afterwards, I find myself wondering what it would have looked like on film, or to music...
I put the word "inspiration" in the title, and there's a reason for that. You see, when I was questioning the sense of replacing my "coffee and computer wake-up" for a "yoga and grapefruit wake-up" as my morning routine at this late stage, (50 ++), I immediately thought of my mother and her age and how she is always ready to make changes. So in effect, if you think of yourself as reaching 80+ or even 90+ years, there are still a good 25-40 years to go! Which is plenty of time to establish and grow into a new morning routine.
At any rate, old habits do die hard, and after the fruit, there does come a good moment for that coffee, which I'm just finishing now.... goes well with blogging, don't you think? The sun just peeked out, reminding me it's time to go out and greet the day. Have a great one everyone!
Friday, June 29, 2012
Dad, Politics and Magical Vocabularians
Well maybe it started when I found the book of poems by E.E. Cummings. I used to love reading poetry by him, even put one of his poems to music when I was in high school. I found a book of his poems for a song, so of course I bought it. And there we were driving to be with my dad on Father's Day, and Sam was driving, so I used the time to compose a poem, untitled at the time, but referring to
The Art of Dadding. You know, it talked about Daddity, and Dadness, and how to dadden and dadify, and the importance of Dadship, and it really felt right to me, that words could expand to mean more than we realized if we just experimented with them more often...
Meanwhile, on a previous trip, I had gone to see old friends from high school. It was an incredible afternoon, in the course of which we got to talking passionately about vocabulary, or more specifically, phonology, but with a focus on vocabulary, a subject I am immensely fond of. So as we spoke about the word bank of the average 4 year-old, what it should be but actually isn't in some cases, from the perspective of Gina who has been working with such children for as long as I've lived in Mexico, and as I threw in my perception of things from the standpoint of my present job which is coaching middle-school and high school students in a program focused on creating self-study habits through tutoring software, a picture began to emerge. This picture showed how the lower echelons of society do not necessarily have the tools to keep up with those who can afford to be in the right place at the right time to acquire such and subsequently use them. So they get left behind and you can see this in each new generation. Things like deficiencies in reading ability, speech, creating ideas with words, making oneself understood and understanding others through words... We are truly in need of a new profession I would call Vocabularianism... I would like to offer my services as a Vocabularian as a matter of fact. I'm still trying to come up with the specifics of the job, but it would definitely have to do with opening up new avenues of communication through words. We've got imagery down, but what about the words to describe it!!! Like lovely old country roads, they are getting swallowed up in the huge freeways of video-streaming.
Finally, in the most recent trip to visit my parents, I got into a talk with my dad - that father I described in my poem as being "the daddest of all Dads" - about politics, and he mentioned how there is a debate going on about raising taxes in order to fund more Pre-K programs - which was what Gina had been talking about that day of our reunion - and suddenly all the pieces fell into place. Thanks to my father, who is such an upbeat octogenarian and so knowledgeable about the world that I listen to him enthralled whenever he shares his points of view with me (which is not to say I agree with him on everything, but rather that I am in awe of his grasp of the big picture in many cases), I finally understood that it's truly a full circle kind of thing. Here are the young children in the lower socioeconomic sector, not reaching their full potential by far, having the phonology level of children much younger, all because their parents don't realize what they can do to prevent this: mainly talk to their kids, discuss things with them, read and talk about what they read together, debate and listen to their opinions... these things do not happen often in the homes of families who have spent generations working to build up a comfortable life. As Gina says, once you get there, it's easy to stay poor. You get your material needs down - shelter, t-shirts and tennis shoes, TV and videos, cell-phones and iPods, fast food and prepackaged food - and you talk at your kids, not with or to them. Get this, do that, see you here, meet you there, no Q&A about ideas or meanings or ideals or wonderings.
So of course, the gov't feels a need to make sure the whole society doesn't disintegrate into non-intelligible beings, and that means: let Pre-K do the parenting!
Gina, I want to tell you, you have the right idea trying to get to the parents and asking: is this what you really want? You can avoid the need for Pre-K, or enhance the whole experience of it if you help your children discover their powers of reasoning and creating ideas from the moment they begin to speak to you.
Dad, I thank you and Mom for making sure we found ours... and to my own kids, I hope Car and I have helped you find yours... because it’s not about power... although being able to reason, create ideas, and express yourself certainly are powerful tools, but more than power, what you can discover and pass on through words - spoken, written, read, heard, sung, devoured, spit out, but most importantly, understood - is magic!
P.S. Sam, that's what I tried to say in the song I wrote last week!
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