Need, Belief, and the endless possibilities

Yesterday I was in class with a student whose manner sometimes irks me.  She has amazing abilities, and yet she and I are at opposite ends from a teaching/learning perspective.  By this I mean that she wants to take the initiative when I'm trying to show her something, and she wants me to "teach" when I feel it really is her time to take the initiative.  One example:   she's talking, and I'm trying to correct her pronunciation and/or grammar, and she totally ignores me.  The only thing she will accept is an intervention in order to provide a word she needs, but she won't rearrange the sentence (once she has the word) to make it grammatically correct.  On the other hand, when I give her an exercise to do, I expect her to read it over, try it by herself and then check it with me, but no, she immediately tries to fill in blanks out loud with me saying right or wrong or just giving her the answer if she fails twice in a row...  It's a frustrating situation in which I spend suspenseful moments trying to get my bearings, be diplomatic, and basically just give in and let her have her way, hoping that next class I'll get my way!
So yesterday I was in class with Cee and she was being ornery as usual about doing an exercise, and I refused to keep giving her the answers if she didn't at least try to figure it out herself, so finally, I just said, okay do the rest for homework and for the last 10 min. of class, tell me a story.
"What kind of a story?  I don't know any stories."
"Tell me a story about your childhood, something you did as a child (practice past tense, I was thinking). You know, a funny experience in school, or something like that."
"I don't like my childhood.  I don't like to think about my childhood.  My childhood was not well."
O.M.G.  I was stumped, completely stopped in my tracks, blown over... now what?  I tried to think of something to say, and even began a sentence, like, "Okay, well then..."
when suddenly she began to talk.  "My father was very aggressive.  He never gave us money, and he and my mother split up and I began to work when I was 11."
"But who would hire an 11-yr-old girl?" I blurted out.
"I unloaded boxes at the weekend Tianguis (outdoor market).  And during the week I did different jobs.  I always had to find a way to make some money for my family.  My older sister was depressed because of the situation... she couldn't work.  I never had friends or went to parties.  I didn't have time.  I finished high school and went to a computer school and worked downtown and finally I got a chance to intern here at this company and they hired me.  So then I could get things for my family.  I bought clothes and shoes.  I got a TV for our house (we never had one before).  I paid for my younger sister to go to the university.  She's a lawyer now. Things are better now.  Every day I think how it was before and how lucky I was to be able to get this job.  But that's all.  I don't like to remember more than that.  I forgave my father and things are good now.  I tell my older sister she has to do that, because she has so much anger inside her for all those bad times.  She's still single, and I tell her she has to forgive so that she can go on with her life." 
Once she started talking, it all just sort of came out of her... I could only sit there with my mouth open as she talked about what it was like - all the time saying she never thought much about this stuff... she just wanted to forget about it.  
At the end, she said that when people want to know about her childhood, she always answers: "I didn't have one" and leaves it at that.  I told her that on the contrary, not only did she have a childhood, but it was a very unusual, interesting, even inspiring childhood.  Look where she was today!
I thought about Cee's case all day.  How singleminded she had been during her childhood.  How determined and stubborn she is today.  Her attitude is sometimes short, domineering and difficult to take but she's hardworking and gets things done and she is very kind and helpful to her family and neighbors...
At the end of the day, I picked up Carm, who was downtown, and would have to walk miles to the bus stop in the afternoon heat.  She got in the car and started in about how she needed this, that and the other - namely, money. 
And there I was thinking about an 11-year-old girl unloading boxes off a truck. 
I wanted to cry - I wanted to know that my own kids could be that resourceful if they had to be.  I wanted to know that they would want to work and not expect things to be handed to them... I wanted to know that they would find a way to get what they needed in life.  Carm assured me she knows, assured me she will find a way... assured me she plans to fend for herself in life, but just likes knowing she can lean on me now, which made me feel better.
This morning I got up and made a cup of coffee.  I looked at the coffee machine and smiled.  It broke down a month ago, and Sam fixed it for me.  He hadn't wanted to at the beginning.  He said it would be useless to try and fix it, cheaper to just buy a new one, but I told him I was curious as to what had caused the breakdown.  I told him it bothered me to junk that machine (I really love it) if it could really be used again, and I asked him if he could just kinda open it up and see...  He said it was impossible to open it, he needed a special tool... but I turned over the machine to look at it, and asked if he could do it with this, or with that utensil... I wouldn't let up about it, just kept thinking about ways to open it up... and I didn't buy another machine - we were drinking instant coffee... and one day I saw that he had opened it, and then, voilá!  He got intrigued and found the problem!  Ironically enough, by that time, I was the one who was starting to believe that maybe it just wasn't worth it, so then he had to convince me to buy the part and let him install it and fix it!  Funny how it worked out... yet perfect too in a mutually supportive sort of way!
Because the lesson to be learned here is that when you really need something, and when you believe in yourself, when you decide to do something about getting what you need, the possibilities are endless...
Bravo Cee, bravo to all who believe in themselves and are willing to do what they can to get what they need...!

Pack rat packing

Well, today we took down 4 bags of completely useless stuff.  I'm still working at it... got one box and another on the way.  In some places, I can see clearer space now, very uplifting.  The thing is, I'm trying to get all this "spring cleaning" done before Fned's visit.  Last time she was here, she threw out 7 huge bags of stuff - she assumed I didn't need - and for months afterwards, I would be looking for something only to conclude that it was one of the unfortunates considered worthless by her.  This time, I'm determined to be the one who decides...
But it's not easy to make the decision.  Take today.  I moved stuff around, tried to put the stuff I'm thinking I should toss (but not quite willing to totally give up) waaaay out of sight but still keep it.  I felt kinda foolish, stooping to such a trick, but my motto is: when in doubt, stash, don't trash.
So as of the end of the weekend, what do I have to show? 

• Two boxes of papers and books - final destination unclear 
• A large bag of wires and cables - final destination unclear
• Two large bags of clothes and blankets to give away
• One cleaned-off spare bed
• One cleaned-off window seat
• One cleaned-out hutch drawer/cabinet (but bookshelves above still cluttered) 
• Two cleared-off desks

Sounds good, but there's still a long way to go... need to get more boxes!

Packing up - a pack rat in denial

Yesterday I was substituting at one of our schools and I noticed they had a lot of boxes - the kind that all the printer/copier paper comes in.  So I asked the coordinator if I could take some home, and he had no problem with that; he only wanted to know why I wanted so many of them.  I told him I was packing, and he asked if I was moving.  I said, no, not moving, just packing to get stuff out of the way.  He asked why I didn't just get rid of stuff I didn't need - and there I was:  face to face with my own "pack-rattency". 

I tell myself I'm not so bad.  I know of others who are real pack rats... Still, when you get to the point where every room in the house seems cluttered, no matter how often you move things around to make space, you know you're in the danger zone.  But here's the thing.  I don't really want to throw things out.  I just don't want them to be in the way.  I want to know that at any given moment, I could go find the respective box, open it up, and see/touch/revive, etc. the things I don't need precisely at this moment. 

Today, I started going through stuff.  I actually did throw things away, or at least they are in bags ready to be gotten rid of.  In throwing away those things, I made room for others that can now be stored.  I still have the boxes, which is good because there's a long way to go yet.  But for one weekend, I think I did well.

To be continued...