Both Sides of Adapting

I've done this exercise with different students over the years and it's one of the most interesting conversation starters I've ever encountered. You get a partner and ask that person to give a one-word description of him/herself. It always knocks them for a loop when I spout out the instructions. They always try to get around it by uttering a phrase, which I shake my head over and repeat, "One Word." It's an excellent exercise, usually involving both of them working together to come up with each other's one-word definition, getting to know each other pretty well in the process, and using the target language throughout it all!

The first time I did this, I had to think of a word to describe myself too! While my students were struggling with their own and each other's self-conceptions, I was trying on different pertinent adjectives in rapid-fire succession for myself. As I recall, it didn't take long to find the one that stuck: 'adaptable'.

Now when I was a teenager (about a million years ago) I heard myself referred to by others as 'easily influenced', and I realize that it was true; I was. But somewhere along the way, I grew into myself enough to be able to consciously choose where I wanted to be and what I wanted to do, and not just follow someone's lead, and then it became my own preference that determined what decisions I made. And yet... preference is a tricky word. Any decision I make that affects others (pretty common event), always poses a challenge, and I try to adapt my own ideas to fit in with those of whoever else is involved. Some might call it being indecisive, others might see it as being manipulative, depending on which way I'm trying to adapt, but ultimately, the intriguing part of making any decision is to manage to get what you want without keeping others from getting what they want too. Now isn't that the original idea behind the popular phrase: "win-win situation"?

One of my standard mottos is the chorus from a Rolling Stones song - "You Can't Always Get What You Want". I used to sing it to my kids when they were small and harping on me to get them something or do something their way, and I couldn't or wouldn't (being the parent, I had to weigh ALL the consequences). They didn't much appreciate my little motto then, but over the years, I've noticed that they have grown into the idea of 'getting what you need' as opposed to what you 'want', which makes them more interesting people to deal with.

So tonight, I've been trying to describe my husband and each of my kids in one word, and this is what I've got so far:
My partner: steadfast (like a ship's mast)
Daughter 1 (late twenties): resolute (no qualms about getting where she wants to be in the real world of marriage and work)
Son 1 (mid-twenties): dreamer (ex-philosophy major, living in the here-and-now)
Son 2 (early twenties): radical (sociology major, devouring the ideas of hisory's great thinkers)
Daughter 2 (17): driving (not just a car; we're talking about personality)
Son 3 (14): attentive (to everything around him).

Wonder if they agree? And if they don't, then the question is: which holds more weight: a self-description, or someone else's description of you?