The truth is, I don't know where I've gone. I know where I am, but somehow I also know I've gone somewhere that I can't seem to find. That's ridiculous of course. If I know who I am and where I am, then of course that's where I've gone. But no... it's something else.
I did leave though. I left the place I was living in and started driving and ended up at the place I'm at, but I don't know if this is where I'll stay or not. I have so many options, it's hard to say which one will follow. Can I maybe take all the alternatives and do them one by one? That's what I'm hoping for.
Meanwhile, I came here with Samo and he has to do something, though he's not sure what. So tomorrow we shall go out into the lovely cold but clear and shiny sunshine and find what it is we need to do.
I want to explain better, but now I don't seem able to just let it all out the way I once did in my blogs. And it's not like I have a million readers, so I shouldn't worry about saying more than I should. Who would know??
Well, one thing I could start with is that I've been telling myself all this is a delayed reaction to being widowed. I spent over two years just not letting myself dwell too much on that and continuing my life as it was going. Then suddenly, last summer, I started feeling that I needed a change. It would come upon me suddenly that I was doing the same ol' same ol' every day, every week... At work, I felt that having to accept and follow all the new administrative demands, weekly or even daily procedural modifications, frustrating deficiencies in the communication hierarchy, and constant irrational deadlines was not fun. Instead of getting to teach classes and learn from my students, I was at the computer, filling out questionnaires, writing e-mails, filling in grade sheets, pay sheets, receipt information, and such, not to mention having to check my mail several times a day so I wouldn't miss some new task or obligation required of me. I took it in stride though, kept up with all my own learning activities in art and languages, but it wasn't enough. When you don't enjoy your work, no matter what you do in your off-time, it won't change the fact that you don't enjoy your work... by November, I was taking two different language courses, going to art classes 3 or even 4 times a week, spending more time on the computer than ever, and teaching fewer classes. All the teachers were worried about losing hours, but I found I just didn't care. And that's when I knew I had to leave. I had to let the other teachers have a chance to have more hours and just go do something else myself.
This is not what I want to say. This has all been thought out and said before.
There's something else. But it's just beyond my reach. All I have at the moment are questions!
Maybe tomorrow I'll find enough of an answer to be able to spell it out for you.
Monday, February 13, 2012
Saturday, November 26, 2011
DONE!
Well this is the final picture:
And the original by David Lara:
I could go on and on trying to perfect it; already I've seen some things I could do... but I feel good about the painting so I'm staying. And, at least in my opinion, the photo doesn't do it justice. I'm going to frame this girl and keep her where I can look at her often. Such a little thing - a painting of a girl, and yet, it represents a lot of what goes on inside me. So I just wanted to post it and say - finally - DONE!
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Vexed and Amazed - Meanderings of my mind
Amazing how each day so many things come and go around and through me... Around me, in terms of happenings at work, home, geographical surroundings, and the world seen cybernetically from my desktop**; through me in terms of mind, heart, body and soul***. Today I'm meandering through the mish-mash, in hopes of sorting it out and deciphering it for myself and anyone else who cares to know.
I'm going to start with my trials and tribulations in trying to paint Girl Vexed: the first result, begun last year, was horrendous.
So there sat the unfinished Girl Vexed on my bookshelf for many months. A week ago I finally got up the nerve to do something about her and enthusiastically went back to work on her, which resulted in what I thought was an almost finished product. I was excited and proud, and I took a picture of her. When I got home, I put the picture on my computer screen and what I saw there, totally deflated my ego:
As anyone can see, she's still not finished.... and neither am I. You'll understand if you see the original, which I saw at a book-fair. It was the cover portrait of a novel for teenagers. I almost bought the novel, just for the picture, but instead, googled the illustrator and found his original painting, which you can see here.
Now the reason that I became fascinated with that cover portrait, was because it brought to mind a moment I'll never forget and the picture I took of it: the original Girl Vexed, Fned at age 11, righteous and indignant over some incident during a vacation trip, and showing it so clearly in her stance next to the car:
Okay, to make the correlation between my obsession with that painting and what's going on in the rest of my life, let's just say that they are both works in progress, full of uncertain steps, exhilarating moments, and constant modification. For one thing, I've been carrying aound the idea of changing my physical surroundings. It's a thrilling prospect. I have entertained the idea, proposed it tentatively, proposed it more confidently, and now see it as a yes. I'm going to take a different path for awhile... put myself on the edge and force myself to act. (I hope I will have finished Girl Vexed by the time I leave!).
Which brings me to my current work situation... like the ups and downs I have in my dealings with Girl Vexed, so have I had reductions, depressions, unexpected offers, and new ideas and projects in my work routine. It all seems to be coinciding with my desire to change my physical surroundings, so that is very nice. I'm more and more intrigued by the possibilities!
To add another link to this chain: my home situation... lots to do there, not only in terms of home improvements, but in official standing... now that it seems I will have a few weeks of limbo before actually making my move, I'll be able to tackle those things... I'm psyched about it, making my list of priorities and general things to do...
Finally, to finish laying out the first area of amazing happenings (see above**), there's all the cyberstuff that is filling my time at the computer. I have found the most beautiful music, art, and readings lately. I'd just like to show you a few of them. This link goes to an incredibly beautiful ballet scene - and I'm not even into ballet - but this!!! Well, see for yourself!... here
Another day, Sam, who's been playing guitar more and more lately, surprised me with this link to music that wowed me: here
It's amazing how internet can bring you information, entertainment, solutions and valuable knowledge. Still, I can't help but realize that it is also full of potential dangers. Subscribing, unsubscribing, overdosing on online shopping, the facebook craze (TMI is how I see that at times), not to mention the amount of time I spend on the computer because of all my browsing. If I haven't blogged recently, it's mostly due to the fact that I was trying to cut down on my computer time. For example, I got so intensely involved with a song that I wanted to be able to sing, that I ended up going from this website to many others, which all focused on tenderness and romance, which in a deliciously cozy way, made my heart happy. Since I'm not out there having my own love-life, theirs kind of fed me for awhile.... , but of course, vicarious love can only take you so far.
Life is for living, or if you're going to fantasize, make up your own fantasy! So I started writing again, which of course got me enjoying my creative streak, and I also started studying Portuguese, for intellectual stimulation. Writing nourishes my soul and learning another language nourishes my mind! I'm still studying German, so the combination, between speaking Spanish and English all day, is totally fascinating!
So, that left my body (see above***).
For my body's sake, I began walk/running about a month ago... In fact, I need to finish this blog right now precisely because it's a glorious day and I want to go out for a nice walk/run with the dogs.
Have a great day everyone; no, better yet, have an amazing one!
I'm going to start with my trials and tribulations in trying to paint Girl Vexed: the first result, begun last year, was horrendous.
But I didn't give up. I just put her on hold, and then, gathering the determination, tried a second time. I got this far and set her aside, not wanting to do any more for fear of botching her up:
So there sat the unfinished Girl Vexed on my bookshelf for many months. A week ago I finally got up the nerve to do something about her and enthusiastically went back to work on her, which resulted in what I thought was an almost finished product. I was excited and proud, and I took a picture of her. When I got home, I put the picture on my computer screen and what I saw there, totally deflated my ego:
As anyone can see, she's still not finished.... and neither am I. You'll understand if you see the original, which I saw at a book-fair. It was the cover portrait of a novel for teenagers. I almost bought the novel, just for the picture, but instead, googled the illustrator and found his original painting, which you can see here.
Now the reason that I became fascinated with that cover portrait, was because it brought to mind a moment I'll never forget and the picture I took of it: the original Girl Vexed, Fned at age 11, righteous and indignant over some incident during a vacation trip, and showing it so clearly in her stance next to the car:
Okay, to make the correlation between my obsession with that painting and what's going on in the rest of my life, let's just say that they are both works in progress, full of uncertain steps, exhilarating moments, and constant modification. For one thing, I've been carrying aound the idea of changing my physical surroundings. It's a thrilling prospect. I have entertained the idea, proposed it tentatively, proposed it more confidently, and now see it as a yes. I'm going to take a different path for awhile... put myself on the edge and force myself to act. (I hope I will have finished Girl Vexed by the time I leave!).
Which brings me to my current work situation... like the ups and downs I have in my dealings with Girl Vexed, so have I had reductions, depressions, unexpected offers, and new ideas and projects in my work routine. It all seems to be coinciding with my desire to change my physical surroundings, so that is very nice. I'm more and more intrigued by the possibilities!
To add another link to this chain: my home situation... lots to do there, not only in terms of home improvements, but in official standing... now that it seems I will have a few weeks of limbo before actually making my move, I'll be able to tackle those things... I'm psyched about it, making my list of priorities and general things to do...
Finally, to finish laying out the first area of amazing happenings (see above**), there's all the cyberstuff that is filling my time at the computer. I have found the most beautiful music, art, and readings lately. I'd just like to show you a few of them. This link goes to an incredibly beautiful ballet scene - and I'm not even into ballet - but this!!! Well, see for yourself!... here
Another day, Sam, who's been playing guitar more and more lately, surprised me with this link to music that wowed me: here
It's amazing how internet can bring you information, entertainment, solutions and valuable knowledge. Still, I can't help but realize that it is also full of potential dangers. Subscribing, unsubscribing, overdosing on online shopping, the facebook craze (TMI is how I see that at times), not to mention the amount of time I spend on the computer because of all my browsing. If I haven't blogged recently, it's mostly due to the fact that I was trying to cut down on my computer time. For example, I got so intensely involved with a song that I wanted to be able to sing, that I ended up going from this website to many others, which all focused on tenderness and romance, which in a deliciously cozy way, made my heart happy. Since I'm not out there having my own love-life, theirs kind of fed me for awhile.... , but of course, vicarious love can only take you so far.
Life is for living, or if you're going to fantasize, make up your own fantasy! So I started writing again, which of course got me enjoying my creative streak, and I also started studying Portuguese, for intellectual stimulation. Writing nourishes my soul and learning another language nourishes my mind! I'm still studying German, so the combination, between speaking Spanish and English all day, is totally fascinating!
So, that left my body (see above***).
For my body's sake, I began walk/running about a month ago... In fact, I need to finish this blog right now precisely because it's a glorious day and I want to go out for a nice walk/run with the dogs.
Have a great day everyone; no, better yet, have an amazing one!
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Moon Mornings or - Unblocking Creativity
Yes it was the moon that made me want to do it, but this is actually a writing exercise. Ten minutes, starting NOW:
The moon the moon... shining full in the morning, or 'looking fat and lonesome hanging down thru the trees' (Joy of Cooking) late 60's and Blue Mooooon, from the crooners, and of course Moon River.... was that the song from Breakfast at Tiffany's (never saw it but saw the song on youtube once) and then there are moons on the wane, and that "bad moon on the rise" (Creedence?). But wait! What about taking a moonbath!... oh that's the best. Standing right under the shining rays of the moon and feeling light and energy being absorbed thru your pores. Of course that's what you think, but whether or not it's really happening, that's for you to believe or not, because the fact of the matter is, the moon is the moon.... and it is whether you believe you've received its energy and light or not.
And what about the Man in the Moon???? Now that's the person I'd love to meet... But could it be a woman? La Luna in Spanish - a feminine moon, though we see a rabbit in the moon in Mexico! Could it be a female rabbit? In German it's Der Mond - a man! The man in the moon!
But I know there's more to be understood about the moon - the connection with the tides for instance. Have you seen it over the ocean at night, seen the slant of its rays sparkling up the ocean surface? Oh! It's a fantasy - all those winking flashes of tiny ripples - they look unreal, and yet they sparkle like they're more than real. And then of course we can talk about those huge orange moons of October and November. Now those are full moons not to be missed! I've never seen a blue moon, not even once in a blue moon, but I've seen it many times with an aura around it - rainbow of colors in a shimmering fog around the bright-white pearl of the moon. And have you seen the moon when it's a sliver, curving into the perfect profile of a young girl's head? Have you looked up and seen it in a dark black sky, and noticed the diamond-like stud next to her ear... a star!... all shining in silverlight.
Oh yes, the moon the moon, what else can I say about the moon... Once I took a moonbath in my house. I was standing under the skylight and there was no one but me awake to see it. I looked up and felt its soft light bathing my face, I saw its shine behind my closed eyelids. I let my robe fall and then the moon poured magic and light all over my body and I was full of moon energy...
And yet, no one ever raves about the real moon - the one we know exists in space with its bumpy craters and grayish-white surface. No, we prefer our moon - the moon we see from afar, reflecting all the raw magic and untamed beauty the real moon simply doesn't know what to do with.
The moon the moon... shining full in the morning, or 'looking fat and lonesome hanging down thru the trees' (Joy of Cooking) late 60's and Blue Mooooon, from the crooners, and of course Moon River.... was that the song from Breakfast at Tiffany's (never saw it but saw the song on youtube once) and then there are moons on the wane, and that "bad moon on the rise" (Creedence?). But wait! What about taking a moonbath!... oh that's the best. Standing right under the shining rays of the moon and feeling light and energy being absorbed thru your pores. Of course that's what you think, but whether or not it's really happening, that's for you to believe or not, because the fact of the matter is, the moon is the moon.... and it is whether you believe you've received its energy and light or not.
And what about the Man in the Moon???? Now that's the person I'd love to meet... But could it be a woman? La Luna in Spanish - a feminine moon, though we see a rabbit in the moon in Mexico! Could it be a female rabbit? In German it's Der Mond - a man! The man in the moon!
But I know there's more to be understood about the moon - the connection with the tides for instance. Have you seen it over the ocean at night, seen the slant of its rays sparkling up the ocean surface? Oh! It's a fantasy - all those winking flashes of tiny ripples - they look unreal, and yet they sparkle like they're more than real. And then of course we can talk about those huge orange moons of October and November. Now those are full moons not to be missed! I've never seen a blue moon, not even once in a blue moon, but I've seen it many times with an aura around it - rainbow of colors in a shimmering fog around the bright-white pearl of the moon. And have you seen the moon when it's a sliver, curving into the perfect profile of a young girl's head? Have you looked up and seen it in a dark black sky, and noticed the diamond-like stud next to her ear... a star!... all shining in silverlight.
Oh yes, the moon the moon, what else can I say about the moon... Once I took a moonbath in my house. I was standing under the skylight and there was no one but me awake to see it. I looked up and felt its soft light bathing my face, I saw its shine behind my closed eyelids. I let my robe fall and then the moon poured magic and light all over my body and I was full of moon energy...
And yet, no one ever raves about the real moon - the one we know exists in space with its bumpy craters and grayish-white surface. No, we prefer our moon - the moon we see from afar, reflecting all the raw magic and untamed beauty the real moon simply doesn't know what to do with.
The Morning Moon, still shining strong
Moon preparing to set
Moon-Set and Sun-Rise
Photos courtesy of Louisa Greathouse
Scenes courtesy of Mother Nature
Monday, September 5, 2011
Commemoration
I've been scanning old pictures lately. It started when I explained to Carm that, contrary to her insistence upon having to spend a fortune on scanning at an internet café, she could do it right here at home using our printer. As I showed her how to use the scanning feature, I decided to go through our billions of old photos and scan the best of them. I knew it would be a time-consuming job, so I put it on my mental to-do list for the future.
Two weeks later, when I was writing the blog about Friendships, I scanned the first batch. I was looking for a photo from a trip we made in the early 90's, and I knew I didn't have a digital one of that trip. Out came the huge bag of old photos - it's actually an old GAP portfolio-bag given to me by Fned a long time ago, which has 6 roomy compartments, 5 of them stuffed to the gills with photos, and the 6th containing all the negatives I still possess. I can tell you it weighs a ton! Anyway, I searched the bag through, and Carm came into the room as I was doing this, and got interested in the photos too. I told her I was going to scan them a few at a time.
After André mentioned in a comment about the friendship blog that old pictures are so interesting and should be scanned and preserved, I knew the day was coming. I happen to have a week off in September and thought I would concentrate on that then. In the end, however, I got a jump-start on the task yesterday, when I decided to do a photographic walk down memory lane to send in e-mail form to my parents on their 61st anniversary this weekend. It turned out to be quite a process, but one which I found for the most part tremendously enjoyable.
And so, I've decided to post some other pictures from the past - a commemoration of sorts. Fun times we shared, or just great moments that got snapped just in time!
Enjoy the scroll, and as you go, take a guess: do you know who the babies are??? (hint: they don't go in any specific order)
Two weeks later, when I was writing the blog about Friendships, I scanned the first batch. I was looking for a photo from a trip we made in the early 90's, and I knew I didn't have a digital one of that trip. Out came the huge bag of old photos - it's actually an old GAP portfolio-bag given to me by Fned a long time ago, which has 6 roomy compartments, 5 of them stuffed to the gills with photos, and the 6th containing all the negatives I still possess. I can tell you it weighs a ton! Anyway, I searched the bag through, and Carm came into the room as I was doing this, and got interested in the photos too. I told her I was going to scan them a few at a time.
After André mentioned in a comment about the friendship blog that old pictures are so interesting and should be scanned and preserved, I knew the day was coming. I happen to have a week off in September and thought I would concentrate on that then. In the end, however, I got a jump-start on the task yesterday, when I decided to do a photographic walk down memory lane to send in e-mail form to my parents on their 61st anniversary this weekend. It turned out to be quite a process, but one which I found for the most part tremendously enjoyable.
And so, I've decided to post some other pictures from the past - a commemoration of sorts. Fun times we shared, or just great moments that got snapped just in time!
Enjoy the scroll, and as you go, take a guess: do you know who the babies are??? (hint: they don't go in any specific order)
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Friendships that build your life
I know that on the surface I am what you would call a sociable person. I meet people with enthusiasm, listen avidly to their tales and ask all sorts of questions, enjoy laughing and kidding with them, and try to keep the tempo upbeat. I'm also open and frank, I'm not shy about giving my opinions when asked to, and I can tell stories and relate a multitude of humorous anecdotes from my life.
All of that is well and good, but the truth is, I don't get a chance to play that role very much. Usually, I'm more of a recluse. I go to work and come home. That's it. On the weekends I usually have tons of housework to drudge through, as well as one or two translations to work on, and at any rate, even if I have the time to go out and socialize, I end up opting to just stay home and hang out... feeling that it would take too much effort to put on that other face and become that other person.
Last weekend was one of the most unusual, socially-fulfilling weekends I've had in a looooong time. In three days, I had the rare opportunity to re-establish the bond with three different - and each in her own way wonderful - friends. And it all came together so beautifully!
During the week, I had to call Marbar about something and as we were talking, I realized that it had been so long since we'd seen each other. She's one of the first people I met in Mexico; her husband was Car's boss for a long time, and we used to go on great trips together to the Caribbean, and different places. She's been like an aunt to all my kids, and she has this knack for stepping in with the solution just at the right moment. Though we've grown apart over the last few years, whenever we talk, it's like we're still right back there at the beginning and everything we talk about has a link to the things we've shared in the past. In short, she knows me as I was when I crossed the threshhold and started my life in Mexico. Recently, she too has become a widow and has found it hard, so when I called her, I suddenly said, "Let's go out for a glass of wine together sometime!" And she agreed, and we settled for that Friday, and I asked her to name the place and she did (I'm totally ignorant about places to go, as I rarely go out!).
That same day, I checked my e-mail and there was one from Urs, another good friend who used to be my boss, inviting me to her annual chiles-en-nogada get-together on Saturday. Feeling honored at receiving this invitation, as she and I have barely seen each other for months and months, I accepted with great enthusiasm. I thought it would be wonderful to have the chance to spend a bit of time with her after so long and I resolved to bring a good bottle of wine along to the dinner.
Just after I had RSVP'd her to say YES to her invitation, I received an e-mail from another friend - Pam - who was my first best friend. You know how you go to elementary school and make friends there, but then, when it's time to go to Jr. High (or middle school as it's now called) you find yourself alone again, in a different school from the one your friends enrolled in, and you must start all over.
Well, that's how it happened that I met Pam. She came from a different elementary school so we met during the first week of Jr. High. We became best friends almost immediately, in all the ways that teenagers do - talking for hours on the phone, spending the night together, going on long walks after school, or visiting at each other's houses (mostly I went to her house, since both her parents worked and we could have the house to ourselves so to speak). She introduced me to music, poetry, critical thinking, and many other things I was eager to learn about. I think that for her, I was the lightness she wanted and needed as she had passed the childhood state and saw Life as serious business, while I still enjoyed being a child. I was exuberant and innocent, always ready to jump into something new, or take a dare, or be the clown. For me, she was the teacher, as she showed me that serious side I knew existed in me, and helped me bring it out and develop it. And of course, we both loved to write and that was the bottom line. Writing and sharing our compositions, poetry, etc. was a big part of our relationship.
So, I received the e-mail from Pam saying that she was coming here! She would actually be here on the day of the chiles en nogada!!! Luckily her plane would arrive late in the afternoon, so I would go visit her at her hotel on Sunday morning.
What an extraordinarily enriching weekend I had!!! On Friday evening, I discovered a new restaurant - small and cozy, decorated with an abundance of plants and wood, with the tables set out on an enclosed patio, where music played softly and animated conversation swirled to the rhythm. The food was reasonably priced and very tasty, the micheladas were excellent, and of course the company couldn't be beat! We jumped from topic to topic, leaving some unfinished, only to return to them from another angle. We said good-bye with many a hug and promises to get together again soon. Curiously enough, when I drove off, I remembered that we had never even gotten back to the subject which had sparked off the invitation in the first place!!
And then it was Sunday and I took the bus to the big city... saw a corny movie on the way, and didn't even protest when I had to get off the bus before the end of the movie. Then it was a lengthy subway ride, though luckily without having to change lines, and then a 10-minute walk to the hotel. Lo and behold, when I got to Reforma, which is the huge central avenue, I encountered an aerobics class in full swing in the middle of the street, with at least 50 or 60 people following the movements of the leader, and cyclists having a leisurely (or speedy) ride up and down the avenue... NO CARS!! Music, laughter, people in the streets! Totally fine.
As for my meet-up with Pam, what can I say? How many kilometers did we walk for the next 10 hours, up and down streets, in and out of subway stations, shops, the zocalo, the Grand Hotel... with the weather allowing us to enjoy being outside, and the Sunday easiness acting as a relaxing background for our trek. Our last meet-up was 6 years ago for a day in New York, where she was living at the time, and I came away from this meeting as full of friendship as I did the last time.
So, here's to good friends - whether we see them often or seldom, one thing is irrefutable: Good friends make life something personal and true. Family does it too, of course, but good friends are the mirror in which you see yourself beyond what your bathroom mirror shows you. When it seems like forever since you had a chance to see yourself from someone else's eyes, you need to spend time with a good friend. A good friendship can never be truly lost, but its roots grow deeper and are nourished by a night out for a glass of wine, or a home-cooked dinner together, or a meet-up to close the distance that normally separates you.
All of that is well and good, but the truth is, I don't get a chance to play that role very much. Usually, I'm more of a recluse. I go to work and come home. That's it. On the weekends I usually have tons of housework to drudge through, as well as one or two translations to work on, and at any rate, even if I have the time to go out and socialize, I end up opting to just stay home and hang out... feeling that it would take too much effort to put on that other face and become that other person.
Last weekend was one of the most unusual, socially-fulfilling weekends I've had in a looooong time. In three days, I had the rare opportunity to re-establish the bond with three different - and each in her own way wonderful - friends. And it all came together so beautifully!
During the week, I had to call Marbar about something and as we were talking, I realized that it had been so long since we'd seen each other. She's one of the first people I met in Mexico; her husband was Car's boss for a long time, and we used to go on great trips together to the Caribbean, and different places. She's been like an aunt to all my kids, and she has this knack for stepping in with the solution just at the right moment. Though we've grown apart over the last few years, whenever we talk, it's like we're still right back there at the beginning and everything we talk about has a link to the things we've shared in the past. In short, she knows me as I was when I crossed the threshhold and started my life in Mexico. Recently, she too has become a widow and has found it hard, so when I called her, I suddenly said, "Let's go out for a glass of wine together sometime!" And she agreed, and we settled for that Friday, and I asked her to name the place and she did (I'm totally ignorant about places to go, as I rarely go out!).
That same day, I checked my e-mail and there was one from Urs, another good friend who used to be my boss, inviting me to her annual chiles-en-nogada get-together on Saturday. Feeling honored at receiving this invitation, as she and I have barely seen each other for months and months, I accepted with great enthusiasm. I thought it would be wonderful to have the chance to spend a bit of time with her after so long and I resolved to bring a good bottle of wine along to the dinner.
Just after I had RSVP'd her to say YES to her invitation, I received an e-mail from another friend - Pam - who was my first best friend. You know how you go to elementary school and make friends there, but then, when it's time to go to Jr. High (or middle school as it's now called) you find yourself alone again, in a different school from the one your friends enrolled in, and you must start all over.
Well, that's how it happened that I met Pam. She came from a different elementary school so we met during the first week of Jr. High. We became best friends almost immediately, in all the ways that teenagers do - talking for hours on the phone, spending the night together, going on long walks after school, or visiting at each other's houses (mostly I went to her house, since both her parents worked and we could have the house to ourselves so to speak). She introduced me to music, poetry, critical thinking, and many other things I was eager to learn about. I think that for her, I was the lightness she wanted and needed as she had passed the childhood state and saw Life as serious business, while I still enjoyed being a child. I was exuberant and innocent, always ready to jump into something new, or take a dare, or be the clown. For me, she was the teacher, as she showed me that serious side I knew existed in me, and helped me bring it out and develop it. And of course, we both loved to write and that was the bottom line. Writing and sharing our compositions, poetry, etc. was a big part of our relationship.
So, I received the e-mail from Pam saying that she was coming here! She would actually be here on the day of the chiles en nogada!!! Luckily her plane would arrive late in the afternoon, so I would go visit her at her hotel on Sunday morning.
What an extraordinarily enriching weekend I had!!! On Friday evening, I discovered a new restaurant - small and cozy, decorated with an abundance of plants and wood, with the tables set out on an enclosed patio, where music played softly and animated conversation swirled to the rhythm. The food was reasonably priced and very tasty, the micheladas were excellent, and of course the company couldn't be beat! We jumped from topic to topic, leaving some unfinished, only to return to them from another angle. We said good-bye with many a hug and promises to get together again soon. Curiously enough, when I drove off, I remembered that we had never even gotten back to the subject which had sparked off the invitation in the first place!!
Marbar with Carm on the beach - '92
On Saturday, the chiles en nogada were fabulous!!!!! There were 20 people there, and most of us knew each other to some degree... and good vibes flowed as easily as the wine! I got a chance to meet a composer whose song I recently heard on the radio and loved! You can hear it here (number 7 was the one I heard on the radio, but all are great): http://www.zombra0.freehall.com.mx/ We talked for some time after the meal and he promised to let me know when any good live music events (of this type or others that we talked about) came to town. I also finally got a chance to re-establish my connection with Urs, who is such a delightful and generous person, who has and carries out one great idea after another. She really knows how to live her dreams, and her enthusiasm is contagious. She always makes me feel like I know what I'm doing even when I may not! She always sees something beautiful in me that I've seen but never acknowledged myself. She is a person one can't help but love and admire.
Urs at last year's chiles-en-nogada (weather was the same this year!)
And then it was Sunday and I took the bus to the big city... saw a corny movie on the way, and didn't even protest when I had to get off the bus before the end of the movie. Then it was a lengthy subway ride, though luckily without having to change lines, and then a 10-minute walk to the hotel. Lo and behold, when I got to Reforma, which is the huge central avenue, I encountered an aerobics class in full swing in the middle of the street, with at least 50 or 60 people following the movements of the leader, and cyclists having a leisurely (or speedy) ride up and down the avenue... NO CARS!! Music, laughter, people in the streets! Totally fine.
As for my meet-up with Pam, what can I say? How many kilometers did we walk for the next 10 hours, up and down streets, in and out of subway stations, shops, the zocalo, the Grand Hotel... with the weather allowing us to enjoy being outside, and the Sunday easiness acting as a relaxing background for our trek. Our last meet-up was 6 years ago for a day in New York, where she was living at the time, and I came away from this meeting as full of friendship as I did the last time.
So, here's to good friends - whether we see them often or seldom, one thing is irrefutable: Good friends make life something personal and true. Family does it too, of course, but good friends are the mirror in which you see yourself beyond what your bathroom mirror shows you. When it seems like forever since you had a chance to see yourself from someone else's eyes, you need to spend time with a good friend. A good friendship can never be truly lost, but its roots grow deeper and are nourished by a night out for a glass of wine, or a home-cooked dinner together, or a meet-up to close the distance that normally separates you.
Chums!
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Seeing Lu, it was like old times with the whole family together, although Anto isn't with us this trip. Lu had us laughing ourselves inside out with his zany interpretations, stories, observations and impersonations of people and events from the real to the outer realms of the unreal! He also took us to eat unbelievably greasy food, where the flies and mosquitos were so thick he had to set up a mosquito coil to ward them off. But it was Sunday evening, so we took what we got, and then there was a walking tour of downtown to compensate the after-dinner sluggishness, and André at least got some great photos of that - I keep trying to get them to come out with my camera, but still don't always manage to program it right for the different light conditions.
The next day was super cool - a drive out to visit 3 hidden cenotes. It was quite a journey, most of it made by sitting in a little cart pulled by a horse over an ancient track running straight through the jungle for 18 kms.
There are 3 stops - each for a dip in a different cenote - all of them lovely, fresh and cold - and with entrances you look at dubiously... in one place, there was a hole in the ground with a ladder going straight down - maybe 20 or 30 rungs, and you could barely fit through the hole with your backpack. When you got to the bottom it was so dark you couldn't see where you were walking. But in every case, I just went to the platform and jumped to the depths below where the water was icy cold and totally inviting. Of course you can't touch bottom in these cenotes, so you are basically floating, dog-paddling or downright swimming the whole time you're in them, unless you can find a place to cling to on the rocky sides of the cave. At any rate, a totally enjoyable day - dios bo ti (Mayan for thank you) - with time out for beer and chips, and later a good shower and meet-up with cousins for a dinner in an outdoor cafe in the balmy evening breeze on the main avenue with delicious "cheladas" and tortas ahogadas, with good conversation and lots of laughter.
Last night, more of the same, but today, oh today.... today, in a few minutes I will have to say good-bye to Pao and André. They're going to Quintana Roo and the Caribbean and we are staying here to visit nearby beaches in Yucatán. They're equipped with sunblock - be sure to use it guys! - mosquito repellent (Jorge, with luck there won't be moscos on the beach) and chile habanero readily available. Meanwhile, I have to reckon with the inevitable good-bye scene, and I hate saying good-bye when I'm the one who's staying. It's always easier to be the one who leaves. You know you're going somewhere new for more adventures, whereas the one who stays can only remember the good times and miss the ones who left. I will truly miss them. I think I've had the most wonderful moments with them ever. Actually exchanged several mutually heartfelt hugs with Pao, and she and I are not usually the hugging type. I hope they both know I enjoyed every minute with them, even if I was tired out from too much jiggling around in those "trucs" or even if the heat had me totally floored... just having them around made everything wonderful. I will miss you guys and here's hoping your trip continues with more great photos, great food, delightful adventures, and a turquoise ocean to swim in.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)