Sunday, December 19, 2010
Surprise!
Have you ever come home from work to find that someone made you a meal and it's all set out for you? Well, maybe.... in fact probably at least once in your life, right? Okay, but have you ever come home from work and found that not only is there a meal set out for you, but someone also carted away all the old things that had accumulated in your yard, leaving the area full of clean space? Okay, maybe you have! But then, have you ever come home from work and found that not only had someone cooked you a meal and set it out, and cleaned out your junk and carted it away, but also replaced a broken front gate that you'd wanted to repair for years? Okay, maybe that's happened too... but then: Have you ever come home to find that your kids had cleaned out all the junk and carted it away, repaired and re-installed your front gate, prepared and set out a meal for you, AND ALSO painted and cleaned your kitchen????? NOW THAT'S WHAT I CALL A BIRTHDAY PRESENT!!!!! WOW!
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Cuckoo but positively not negative
Today I'm forcing myself back to positivity. I've always maintained that I'm an optimist, that I look for ways to make things better, not worse, that I hate it when people complain. So if I don't want to be a hypocrite, I'll just have to be hypocritical and say things are great. Because essentially they are. Uh-oh, here we go....
You see, I flubbed up. I flubbed up bad - again - embarassingly bad.... I know no one cares but me, and maybe the other person who for sure thinks I'm nuts, too naive for words, or completely full of it. But that's all.
Meanwhile, I've spent over 24 hours not being able to get over it. I wrote a blog that took 7 hours to write and perfect, trying to explain, or rather exonerate, myself. But it didn't help! I posted it and then a few hours later took it down, knowing it was stupid and ridiculous - just aimless, highfaluting bs! Okay, I do believe what I was talking about in the tutorial, in which my student actually got up out of his chair and threw his arms out and shouted it couldn't be so, and at the end of which he stared at me with an expression of utter bewilderment and asked: "so you really believe that people can lead themselves?"... oh, why am I going back to all that - Move on Minshap, get over it! I mean I can believe in harmony, rhythm and balance if I want to. I can believe I live my life by these beliefs, and that my household works under those premises, can't I? I can believe that people can be self-leaders. It doesn't mean they can't be group leaders too! They can! (my student is an important manager). Anyway, it's all just talk, and if you want to know what it was about, put it in a comment, and I'll repost the other blog.
But what I want to say in this blog is that, after beating myself up over it, after not being able to muster up the enthusiasm or even a sense of obligation to go to my art class - which I had assured my teacher I wouldn't miss, or the kermes at the neighbors' house, which I had promised to stop by and buy food at, or even cook up the meal I had said I would cook for my kids - and this is grave because we ended up eating nachos and popcorn all day... after all of that, I did shake it off! I pulled myself out of my own morbid negativity!
How, you ask? Well, first I bullied myself into doing my chores. I washed a thousand dishes and cleaned the stove. I felt like I was being punished, but in fact it was really my turn to do the kitchen, only I'd been moping around so much I'd let them accummulate to massive proportions. My back felt like hell at the end of it, but at least I knew I'd done something productive! Everyone congratulated me. It was like I'd really contributed to the cause (even though I hadn't cooked up the meal I'd promised, but then today is another day!)
Next, I participated in a family activity - we watched Matrix III, got incredibly bored with it and switched to Kramer vs Kramer - completely opposites in terms of genres but who cares? That was with popcorn, homemade lemonade, the works.
Then everyone went their own way - some to bed, some to parties, I myself decided to tackle the cuckoo clock. And that was the thing that brought me back to the good place I'm in now. It was hell! I surfed the net to find instructions, read them over a billion times, opened the back of our cuckoo clock, worked on it under the dim light of a florescent bulb, with my bad eyes straining to see the sprockets and chains which are hidden behind a metal barrier that cannot be removed. You have to stick a hook through the spaces in the metal and coax the chains over the sprockets. I didn't have a hook - but I had a toothpick and determination! When I put the clock back up and got it going - had to fiddle with the pendulum weight till it got the right rhythm - when I heard the cuckoo bird's call 15 minutes later at midnight - on the dot according to my watch! - I felt elated. And this morning, when I got up and discerned through the morning stillness the steady tick-tock of the cuckoo clock, I felt positively absolved! My bout with negativity was over!
The only thing I forgot is that, DST made the hour fall back, so my cuckoo says it's an hour later than it really is... but there's no way I'm going to change the hour now. Tomorrow will be soon enough!
You see, I flubbed up. I flubbed up bad - again - embarassingly bad.... I know no one cares but me, and maybe the other person who for sure thinks I'm nuts, too naive for words, or completely full of it. But that's all.
Meanwhile, I've spent over 24 hours not being able to get over it. I wrote a blog that took 7 hours to write and perfect, trying to explain, or rather exonerate, myself. But it didn't help! I posted it and then a few hours later took it down, knowing it was stupid and ridiculous - just aimless, highfaluting bs! Okay, I do believe what I was talking about in the tutorial, in which my student actually got up out of his chair and threw his arms out and shouted it couldn't be so, and at the end of which he stared at me with an expression of utter bewilderment and asked: "so you really believe that people can lead themselves?"... oh, why am I going back to all that - Move on Minshap, get over it! I mean I can believe in harmony, rhythm and balance if I want to. I can believe I live my life by these beliefs, and that my household works under those premises, can't I? I can believe that people can be self-leaders. It doesn't mean they can't be group leaders too! They can! (my student is an important manager). Anyway, it's all just talk, and if you want to know what it was about, put it in a comment, and I'll repost the other blog.
But what I want to say in this blog is that, after beating myself up over it, after not being able to muster up the enthusiasm or even a sense of obligation to go to my art class - which I had assured my teacher I wouldn't miss, or the kermes at the neighbors' house, which I had promised to stop by and buy food at, or even cook up the meal I had said I would cook for my kids - and this is grave because we ended up eating nachos and popcorn all day... after all of that, I did shake it off! I pulled myself out of my own morbid negativity!
How, you ask? Well, first I bullied myself into doing my chores. I washed a thousand dishes and cleaned the stove. I felt like I was being punished, but in fact it was really my turn to do the kitchen, only I'd been moping around so much I'd let them accummulate to massive proportions. My back felt like hell at the end of it, but at least I knew I'd done something productive! Everyone congratulated me. It was like I'd really contributed to the cause (even though I hadn't cooked up the meal I'd promised, but then today is another day!)
Next, I participated in a family activity - we watched Matrix III, got incredibly bored with it and switched to Kramer vs Kramer - completely opposites in terms of genres but who cares? That was with popcorn, homemade lemonade, the works.
Then everyone went their own way - some to bed, some to parties, I myself decided to tackle the cuckoo clock. And that was the thing that brought me back to the good place I'm in now. It was hell! I surfed the net to find instructions, read them over a billion times, opened the back of our cuckoo clock, worked on it under the dim light of a florescent bulb, with my bad eyes straining to see the sprockets and chains which are hidden behind a metal barrier that cannot be removed. You have to stick a hook through the spaces in the metal and coax the chains over the sprockets. I didn't have a hook - but I had a toothpick and determination! When I put the clock back up and got it going - had to fiddle with the pendulum weight till it got the right rhythm - when I heard the cuckoo bird's call 15 minutes later at midnight - on the dot according to my watch! - I felt elated. And this morning, when I got up and discerned through the morning stillness the steady tick-tock of the cuckoo clock, I felt positively absolved! My bout with negativity was over!
The only thing I forgot is that, DST made the hour fall back, so my cuckoo says it's an hour later than it really is... but there's no way I'm going to change the hour now. Tomorrow will be soon enough!
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Apology to a Leader
To G., in an effort to explain...
I believe in balance. I sometimes refer to it as harmony, or rhythm, or the yin/yang; I think of it in connection with God. The first time I started to see the tremendous connections between these concepts was when I had been playing Tetris for awhile. Did you ever play that game? This was back in the 90’s and my computer had it as part of the standard equipment. I played it so often, that I started to see everything I did in terms of bricks that I could accommodate and fit into slots to build columns.
Then Matrix came out. I think I watched that movie at least 8 times. At my house, we all did. It never failed to awe us – the idea that you could find patterns behind all actions and participate as part of the pattern. So that fit into the whole Tetris concept of bricks falling into place in their columns, and now there was also a master pattern to become part of. The insights I got from Matrix provided lots of new and interesting topics to talk about with my tutorials and my kids, and it eventually led me to the whole idea of how information travels. And that was right around the time we all heard about The Secret. Remember that? The law of universal attraction? I added that to the already abundant evidence that harmony and rhythm are what it's all about. Now there was even another dimension to it all - attraction of information as needed to keep growing. I could now see how to accommodate the bricks with better accuracy, and the patterns behind actions seemed even more discernible. I saw patterns and neat accommodation possibilities and rhythm in the traffic, at work, any time I looked out for them. Questions I found myself asking one day were answered for me the next! Was it simply because I was more aware??
Finally, I realized that I mustn’t leave out the one other crucial element in the order of things: COMMUNICATION. Of course I've always believed in that, but putting everything together, I found that I could do all sorts of things in all sorts of different ways; I could even make an agreement to swap tasks with someone else, or re-arrange the order of priorities. And I could explain and convince whenever it was necessary to get what I needed.
But wait - harmony? Rhythm?? Balance??? We were talking about Leadership, remember? Well yes, but Leadership is what holds it all together, and if others reach the same place, the power structure begins to change and leadership turns into a floating concept.
During our last class, you found it hard to believe that there wasn't an overall "leader" of the house. And I suppose I was wrong when I insisted there wasn't. I mean, technically I am the leader as I'm the breadwinner. But I don't look at it that way most of the time. It seems to me that what we have here are 4 or 5 (depending on who's home) full-time self-leaders who take over whenever required as momentary group leaders. What we do is switch around all the roles in what is sometimes a chaotic way, but which does have its order as long as we don't forget the essential ingredient: COMMUNICATION. We've become the most flexible family you can imagine but we find it necessary to adapt as no one person is around enough to be the constant leader.
I'm not saying it's a perfect arrangement. What I am saying is that we all agree that it's the best way for us. The important point - the interesting aspect of it - is the harmony, the balance, the building of confidence that evolves from our close communication. We all know that any one of us can take the lead when necessary. I know I made it sound invincible - perfect - and of course it's not, but it is possible and it’s challenging to put into action.
As for the idea being extended to work situations, I wasn't trying to imply that there is no use for leaders at work. On the contrary - it's to be desired! In fact, I get so excited thinking about all the possibilities, that I probably sounded irrational to you. But look at this: if we work in a way where everyone is encouraged to find out how much they can do alone and who they can get to help them when they need it, then our leaders will be freer to observe it all and straighten out the kinks they see with the full approval and appreciation of their people. And when their people can work out their own kinks without constant intervention by the leader, the leader will be even freer, maybe to help in another area where things are not running so smoothly or with such balance and harmony. Leaders can keep creating and modifying their roles as needed and so can their people. The key is to have good communication at all times. Because when that breaks down, you get problems full in the face.
At any rate, I hope this has cleared up your doubts and concerns; I hope you can see what I mean since in fact, I consider you a leader like that. You seem to lead your people in that kind of way and in all our conversations I've always felt that each of us was speaking on equal terms when there was an idea on the table. On the other side of the coin, even though I'm your English teacher and might technically be considered the "leader" in that sense, you are your own leader and you take your learning from me as you need it - you don't wait for me to give it. So you do lead yourself! I always say that if all students were like that, teachers would have a much more exciting job! People who know what they want and what they need and look for ways to get it keep the "leaders" on their toes and each task becomes something bigger than it was when it was just the leader trying to motivate or force their people to tow the line.
Okay, I'll stop for now. It's not complete. There are so many other things I could add as examples of what I mean. But for fear of going over the deep end again, I’ll stop.
I believe in balance. I sometimes refer to it as harmony, or rhythm, or the yin/yang; I think of it in connection with God. The first time I started to see the tremendous connections between these concepts was when I had been playing Tetris for awhile. Did you ever play that game? This was back in the 90’s and my computer had it as part of the standard equipment. I played it so often, that I started to see everything I did in terms of bricks that I could accommodate and fit into slots to build columns.
Then Matrix came out. I think I watched that movie at least 8 times. At my house, we all did. It never failed to awe us – the idea that you could find patterns behind all actions and participate as part of the pattern. So that fit into the whole Tetris concept of bricks falling into place in their columns, and now there was also a master pattern to become part of. The insights I got from Matrix provided lots of new and interesting topics to talk about with my tutorials and my kids, and it eventually led me to the whole idea of how information travels. And that was right around the time we all heard about The Secret. Remember that? The law of universal attraction? I added that to the already abundant evidence that harmony and rhythm are what it's all about. Now there was even another dimension to it all - attraction of information as needed to keep growing. I could now see how to accommodate the bricks with better accuracy, and the patterns behind actions seemed even more discernible. I saw patterns and neat accommodation possibilities and rhythm in the traffic, at work, any time I looked out for them. Questions I found myself asking one day were answered for me the next! Was it simply because I was more aware??
Finally, I realized that I mustn’t leave out the one other crucial element in the order of things: COMMUNICATION. Of course I've always believed in that, but putting everything together, I found that I could do all sorts of things in all sorts of different ways; I could even make an agreement to swap tasks with someone else, or re-arrange the order of priorities. And I could explain and convince whenever it was necessary to get what I needed.
But wait - harmony? Rhythm?? Balance??? We were talking about Leadership, remember? Well yes, but Leadership is what holds it all together, and if others reach the same place, the power structure begins to change and leadership turns into a floating concept.
During our last class, you found it hard to believe that there wasn't an overall "leader" of the house. And I suppose I was wrong when I insisted there wasn't. I mean, technically I am the leader as I'm the breadwinner. But I don't look at it that way most of the time. It seems to me that what we have here are 4 or 5 (depending on who's home) full-time self-leaders who take over whenever required as momentary group leaders. What we do is switch around all the roles in what is sometimes a chaotic way, but which does have its order as long as we don't forget the essential ingredient: COMMUNICATION. We've become the most flexible family you can imagine but we find it necessary to adapt as no one person is around enough to be the constant leader.
I'm not saying it's a perfect arrangement. What I am saying is that we all agree that it's the best way for us. The important point - the interesting aspect of it - is the harmony, the balance, the building of confidence that evolves from our close communication. We all know that any one of us can take the lead when necessary. I know I made it sound invincible - perfect - and of course it's not, but it is possible and it’s challenging to put into action.
As for the idea being extended to work situations, I wasn't trying to imply that there is no use for leaders at work. On the contrary - it's to be desired! In fact, I get so excited thinking about all the possibilities, that I probably sounded irrational to you. But look at this: if we work in a way where everyone is encouraged to find out how much they can do alone and who they can get to help them when they need it, then our leaders will be freer to observe it all and straighten out the kinks they see with the full approval and appreciation of their people. And when their people can work out their own kinks without constant intervention by the leader, the leader will be even freer, maybe to help in another area where things are not running so smoothly or with such balance and harmony. Leaders can keep creating and modifying their roles as needed and so can their people. The key is to have good communication at all times. Because when that breaks down, you get problems full in the face.
At any rate, I hope this has cleared up your doubts and concerns; I hope you can see what I mean since in fact, I consider you a leader like that. You seem to lead your people in that kind of way and in all our conversations I've always felt that each of us was speaking on equal terms when there was an idea on the table. On the other side of the coin, even though I'm your English teacher and might technically be considered the "leader" in that sense, you are your own leader and you take your learning from me as you need it - you don't wait for me to give it. So you do lead yourself! I always say that if all students were like that, teachers would have a much more exciting job! People who know what they want and what they need and look for ways to get it keep the "leaders" on their toes and each task becomes something bigger than it was when it was just the leader trying to motivate or force their people to tow the line.
Okay, I'll stop for now. It's not complete. There are so many other things I could add as examples of what I mean. But for fear of going over the deep end again, I’ll stop.
Friday, September 3, 2010
An Anniversary Message
How lucky do you get to be in your lifetime? Or is "luck" the word to use? Whatever the case, however you interpret it, I feel that my life is a marvelous miraculous journey. And one of the most incredible aspects of it is that I was born into such a wonderful family and had the benefit of growing up under what I call the epitome of good parenting. And today marks the day of their 60th anniversary!
This one is for you, Mom and Dad.
When we were growing up, it wasn't just me and my sibs who found you so remarkable - all our friends envied us. Everyone would say how great you were as parents, they even used adjectives like 'wise' and 'perfect' to describe you.
And you're still going strong! I love you for your zest for life. I love you for your cheerful certainty that everything will fall into place. I love you for showing me by your example how to see what needs to be done, and how to face things. I love you for always letting me know that I'm loved and valued. I love you for all the things you do for EVERYONE - how you just seem to KNOW how to say or do the right thing at the right time to make it all better...
I sometimes wonder how you stay so strong - who plays the role for you that you play so well for others?
I think it's your curiosity, your desire to know what else is going on, to try new things, to discover something remarkable every day. It's also your sense of humor, being able to see the funny side of things and joke and kid around, and even laugh at yourselves. And of course it's also your respect and appreciation for the beauty of life.
And the best part of all the above is the way it is interwoven into the unique design of your partnership! You go so well together, you create your own balance; you bring in the tide and send it back together with the benefit of all you know combined.
Dear Mom and Dad, I wish you all the best and send you all my love on this, your 60th anniversary!
This one is for you, Mom and Dad.
When we were growing up, it wasn't just me and my sibs who found you so remarkable - all our friends envied us. Everyone would say how great you were as parents, they even used adjectives like 'wise' and 'perfect' to describe you.
And you're still going strong! I love you for your zest for life. I love you for your cheerful certainty that everything will fall into place. I love you for showing me by your example how to see what needs to be done, and how to face things. I love you for always letting me know that I'm loved and valued. I love you for all the things you do for EVERYONE - how you just seem to KNOW how to say or do the right thing at the right time to make it all better...
I sometimes wonder how you stay so strong - who plays the role for you that you play so well for others?
I think it's your curiosity, your desire to know what else is going on, to try new things, to discover something remarkable every day. It's also your sense of humor, being able to see the funny side of things and joke and kid around, and even laugh at yourselves. And of course it's also your respect and appreciation for the beauty of life.
And the best part of all the above is the way it is interwoven into the unique design of your partnership! You go so well together, you create your own balance; you bring in the tide and send it back together with the benefit of all you know combined.
Dear Mom and Dad, I wish you all the best and send you all my love on this, your 60th anniversary!
Sunday, August 22, 2010
The one-question survey
I can't get that movie out of my mind - Julie and Julia. I saw it, then saw it again, and it still sits with me in a comforting way. The movie itself is warm and entertaining, but the idea of blogging for a set purpose is what really entices me. So, I've decided to blog like Julie did. I'm not setting dates and all that, because, first of all, I haven't figured out how you do it, and second of all, I'm not sure how well I would come out on that, as I tend to let things slide (remember the tomatoes???).
But this blog-project is about the one-question survey I did during the last days of 2009. I'll start by setting the scene:
When I started studying German over 2 years ago, I got truly passionate about it (Deutsch ist noch meine Leidenshaft und ich möchte in der Zukunft ein Blog auf Deutsch schreiben, aber das ist eine andere Geschichte!).
One day, another teacher, our director in fact, expressed concern about the fact that a lot of students were getting poor grades on one of the big official German exams. She asked me why that was so... of course, she was just wondering out loud, and it wasn't like she expected an answer in that moment, but her question made me wonder too.
I mulled it over, thought about it from all angles, trying to settle on a single determining factor. I finally concluded that, in order to learn a language (learn anything for that matter) what one must basically have is the desire above all to learn it. Of course there are other important factors, but having the will to learn (or a need to learn which prompts the desire) drives the whole learning process itself.
The next morning, I stopped by the director's office to tell her my answer, not to her original question, but to what lies behind that question, and we ended up discussing the reasons people learn (and don't)... a very subjective discussion to be sure, but quite interesting and satisfying.
In fact, as I left her office a little while later, I felt that I now needed to know what other teachers thought. Since our school is a language center where Spanish, English, German and Portuguese are taught, there are teachers from different countries giving classes. The director herself is German and Mexican by birth, I come from a direct line of migrating ancestors, our kids - hers and mine - are bilingual or trilingual, so we have a definite preference for promoting multilingual (multicultural) living. I wondered what the other teachers in our school would answer if I asked them. So I did!
I approached each teacher asking them to please answer my one-question-survey. The original question was simply: "Why do some people learn a foreign language better than others?" But I quickly realized that it wasn't complete enough, so the final wording of the question was:
Answers are coming... Stay tuned for the next blog entry.
But this blog-project is about the one-question survey I did during the last days of 2009. I'll start by setting the scene:
When I started studying German over 2 years ago, I got truly passionate about it (Deutsch ist noch meine Leidenshaft und ich möchte in der Zukunft ein Blog auf Deutsch schreiben, aber das ist eine andere Geschichte!).
One day, another teacher, our director in fact, expressed concern about the fact that a lot of students were getting poor grades on one of the big official German exams. She asked me why that was so... of course, she was just wondering out loud, and it wasn't like she expected an answer in that moment, but her question made me wonder too.
I mulled it over, thought about it from all angles, trying to settle on a single determining factor. I finally concluded that, in order to learn a language (learn anything for that matter) what one must basically have is the desire above all to learn it. Of course there are other important factors, but having the will to learn (or a need to learn which prompts the desire) drives the whole learning process itself.
The next morning, I stopped by the director's office to tell her my answer, not to her original question, but to what lies behind that question, and we ended up discussing the reasons people learn (and don't)... a very subjective discussion to be sure, but quite interesting and satisfying.
In fact, as I left her office a little while later, I felt that I now needed to know what other teachers thought. Since our school is a language center where Spanish, English, German and Portuguese are taught, there are teachers from different countries giving classes. The director herself is German and Mexican by birth, I come from a direct line of migrating ancestors, our kids - hers and mine - are bilingual or trilingual, so we have a definite preference for promoting multilingual (multicultural) living. I wondered what the other teachers in our school would answer if I asked them. So I did!
I approached each teacher asking them to please answer my one-question-survey. The original question was simply: "Why do some people learn a foreign language better than others?" But I quickly realized that it wasn't complete enough, so the final wording of the question was:
In your opinion, why do some people seem to learn a foreign language better, easier, and/or faster than other people?
Answers are coming... Stay tuned for the next blog entry.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
those chick flicks
Remember when we watched Romancing the Stone, Six Days Seven Nights, Green Card, True Lies, Overboard, A Walk in the Clouds, First Knight, Zorro, The Goodbye Girl, The Family Stone, Far and Away, Maverick, Something's Gotta Give, As Good as it Gets, and French Kiss in what seemed like a never-ending cycle? There were others, but those ones were always the mainstays - chick flicks. You grew to love them - or rather, you loved watching them with me. I loved watching them with you too... we would start talking about something in the movie, an idea, or a gesture or the way they kissed, or the emotion behind something they said, or we'd chide them for their blindness, or find ourselves remembering some event in our early life together, or with our kids, or we'd take a moment to wonder what it would have been like if we'd done something similar... you didn't want to watch blood and gore, or movies that got too involved, too suspenseful or too dramatic - you wanted to watch romance in the making in the middle of an adventure, and then, as the movie progressed, you'd cuddle with me until we were slowly lulled into asleep, although I sometimes watched the movie to the end no matter how many times I'd seen it! And yet, it was always fun, always as if it were the first time, always exciting to pop the movie into the player and get ready to watch it with you.
I haven't watched any of those flicks lately. It's just not fun to watch a chick flick by yourself. It's okay, because I've been watching other movies and I watch them with Sam or with Clo or with Anto and Moni... or all of us together. And if I'm alone, I watch thrillers, which is more enjoyable without your annoying observations about some actor's/actress's body or real-life messy love-life, or those exasperating derrogatory remarks about the flashbacks being purposely too confusing, followed by inevitable scoffs about Hollywood tactics until I lose the thread; or I watch old black and white movies or musicals, 2 genres you never liked. But on Friday in class, we watched Overboard, and I explained about chick flicks - and it made me think of you with a smile and that old familiar love.
I haven't watched any of those flicks lately. It's just not fun to watch a chick flick by yourself. It's okay, because I've been watching other movies and I watch them with Sam or with Clo or with Anto and Moni... or all of us together. And if I'm alone, I watch thrillers, which is more enjoyable without your annoying observations about some actor's/actress's body or real-life messy love-life, or those exasperating derrogatory remarks about the flashbacks being purposely too confusing, followed by inevitable scoffs about Hollywood tactics until I lose the thread; or I watch old black and white movies or musicals, 2 genres you never liked. But on Friday in class, we watched Overboard, and I explained about chick flicks - and it made me think of you with a smile and that old familiar love.
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Belated Apology - okay!
Earlier today, I published a belated apology. Whether it was accepted or not is still unclear, but one thing I do know - it was heard and acknowledged, so there's no reason to keep it published (and publicized) mission accomplished!
Friday, July 9, 2010
Twenty!
She's 20! She's through with the teens. Twenty is a number that says something. It stands for balance and perspective. You know you're an individual, a separate peson, when you're 20. It's the reward for having reached and crossed over a threshhold. No one can call you a teenager and lump you in with those who fall into that unfortunate category. Yet you don't have to be a real 'adult' either. 20 is like a rehearsal, with lots of room to adapt and grow into the role. In fact, what you are when you're 20 is a young person! It's a very gratifying thing to be. A young person.
She's 20 today and she's going to be 20 for a whole year! Does she feel the difference? Knowing her, I believe she does. Is she ready for it? Knowing her, I believe she is.
Happy Birthday Carm! Twenty years old today!
Good going so far; good things coming ahead.
And always and evermore, my love.
She's 20 today and she's going to be 20 for a whole year! Does she feel the difference? Knowing her, I believe she does. Is she ready for it? Knowing her, I believe she is.
Happy Birthday Carm! Twenty years old today!
Good going so far; good things coming ahead.
And always and evermore, my love.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Love in a foreign language
I don't usually like interpreting; as opposed to translating on paper, I much prefer the latter. You can think and revise and perfect what you translate. With interpreting, you have to be totally attentive to the here and now and not let anything distract you. Sometimes you are so attentive, that your awareness of that atentiveness distracts you, with the result that you miss a key word or concept, and then you botch up the translation, or you have to ask the person to repeat what they said. It's quite stressful at times.
Today, I spent 8 hours at the racetrack, where a some people were going to take several cars on rigorous road tests using professional racedriving techniques. They were English speakers, from different places around the world, but the instructors were Spanish speakers. I was the Interpreter - the go-between.
Today, I spent 8 hours at the racetrack, where a some people were going to take several cars on rigorous road tests using professional racedriving techniques. They were English speakers, from different places around the world, but the instructors were Spanish speakers. I was the Interpreter - the go-between.
So we had finished two of the tests, and were on a coffee break, when a young woman on the team that had hired me for the event pulled me over and asked me in whispered excitement if I could give a message to one of the men who was there for the event.
"Could you please tell the guy in the black shirt that I would like to talk to him but I just can't speak a word of English."
Now how was I supposed to react to that?? More followed:
"But wait until my boss is not around. I don't want her to hear."
I still didn't know what to say! What I said was, "Okay, no problem."
Everyone was milling around the refreshment table, and then she came up to me again and said, "Yesterday, he tried to talk to me a couple of times, but I couldn't understand, and I just want him to know that I would like to understand. I know when you tell him, he'll say the same thing."
Ahh! Now I was starting to understand. Or was I? Had they really already reached some sort of intutitive understanding? How exciting, if I was right!
"Could you please tell the guy in the black shirt that I would like to talk to him but I just can't speak a word of English."
Now how was I supposed to react to that?? More followed:
"But wait until my boss is not around. I don't want her to hear."
I still didn't know what to say! What I said was, "Okay, no problem."
Everyone was milling around the refreshment table, and then she came up to me again and said, "Yesterday, he tried to talk to me a couple of times, but I couldn't understand, and I just want him to know that I would like to understand. I know when you tell him, he'll say the same thing."
Ahh! Now I was starting to understand. Or was I? Had they really already reached some sort of intutitive understanding? How exciting, if I was right!
A few minutes later, just as I was biting into a plum, squirting juice in seven directions, the guy in the black shirt turned towards me. Not only was he extremely good-looking - jet black hair and sea-blue eyes!!! very unusual - but he also had excellent reflexes. He grabbed a napkin and handed it to me. Naturally I made light of the whole thing by exclaiming about the delicious juiciness of the plum, and by that time the young woman had moved to join us. So I said,
"Oh Jay (not his real name), Nina (not her real name) here asked me to tell you that she would really like to talk to you but it's just that she can't speak English. She just wanted you to know that."
"Well, please tell her that I've been really wanting to speak to her too! But I don't speak any Spanish. But I'd like to invite her to dinner with our group tonight."
So I turned to Nina and told her all of that but I forgot to switch languages - whereupon there was a moment of blank silence, then sudden understanding on my part of my mistake, and then spontaneous, tension-breaking laughter, after which I told her his wishes in Spanish. She immediately responded by thanking him, and adding that maybe they could e-mail each other and translate each other's letters, which I translated to him, and he said that would be fantastic and would she give him her e-mail, so she said she would.
Then the boss came back into circulation, so we split up and went back to business at hand.
"Oh Jay (not his real name), Nina (not her real name) here asked me to tell you that she would really like to talk to you but it's just that she can't speak English. She just wanted you to know that."
"Well, please tell her that I've been really wanting to speak to her too! But I don't speak any Spanish. But I'd like to invite her to dinner with our group tonight."
So I turned to Nina and told her all of that but I forgot to switch languages - whereupon there was a moment of blank silence, then sudden understanding on my part of my mistake, and then spontaneous, tension-breaking laughter, after which I told her his wishes in Spanish. She immediately responded by thanking him, and adding that maybe they could e-mail each other and translate each other's letters, which I translated to him, and he said that would be fantastic and would she give him her e-mail, so she said she would.
Then the boss came back into circulation, so we split up and went back to business at hand.
Two hours later, during another break, Nina took me aside again.
"Oh what should I do? I want to talk to him, but how?"
I said, "Why don't you write him a note in Spanish and then I'll help you put it into English."
"Okay, I'll tell you and you write the note."
"No, better if you write it, I translate, and then you rewrite it in your handwriting in English."
So that's what we did. This is what she wrote:
'Hi! This is my e-mail address. I just want to say that I really hope that we can find a way to talk to each other. And if you write to me, I'm going to translate each of your e-mails to Spanish and then write you back. Then you will have to translate my letters from Spanish to English (you can do it in the Internet). I'm glad we are going to be in communication.'
And she gave it to him.
"Oh what should I do? I want to talk to him, but how?"
I said, "Why don't you write him a note in Spanish and then I'll help you put it into English."
"Okay, I'll tell you and you write the note."
"No, better if you write it, I translate, and then you rewrite it in your handwriting in English."
So that's what we did. This is what she wrote:
'Hi! This is my e-mail address. I just want to say that I really hope that we can find a way to talk to each other. And if you write to me, I'm going to translate each of your e-mails to Spanish and then write you back. Then you will have to translate my letters from Spanish to English (you can do it in the Internet). I'm glad we are going to be in communication.'
And she gave it to him.
When it was time for them to board their bus, Jay came up to me and said, "Could you please tell Nina that I think she is absolutely stunning?" When he saw my incredulous look - how often do you hear the word stunning used like that? - he nodded and said, "I'm serious! Tell her I am going to write to her and that I'm really hoping we can get together this evening because I do want to get to know her."
So I told her (though it was hard to find an effective translation for the word 'stunning' and all it implies, and I told her that too!) and she blushed with happiness.
"It was just one of those things. We fell in love with each other before we could even communicate! We had to get the interpreter to help us set up our first date."
Will that be the story they tell their grandkids one day?
So I told her (though it was hard to find an effective translation for the word 'stunning' and all it implies, and I told her that too!) and she blushed with happiness.
"It was just one of those things. We fell in love with each other before we could even communicate! We had to get the interpreter to help us set up our first date."
Will that be the story they tell their grandkids one day?
Saturday, June 26, 2010
You
It's like diving in. You know how it feels to plunge head first into deep cool water? Your body shoots below the surface, slicing through the water, and in that silent weightlessness amid bubbles and currents, the feel of yourself and the feel of the water cannot be separated.
Or like this morning. I was dreaming and then I was not - in the middle of a word - I think it was a cry or a call - in some kind of glaringly bright piece of somewhere, I opened my eyes and it was the gray light of early morning and I was in my bed at home. But as I teetered between glaring and gray, between loud and still, between there and here, I saw you.
I've been thinking about you a lot in the last couple of days. Or rather, consciously not thinking of you. I put my thoughts on hold time and again to attend to what's going on or escape into acceptable modes of fantasy.
But this morning, it was as if someone had thrown a cog into the machinery causing a fragmenting of time. In the middle of the ordinary, things became extraordinary. I was driving along the cobblestone road that leads out of this tiny town, traveling slowly and gently over the speedbumps and dips, and I looked to my left, as I do when I'm on this road, taking in the volcanoes and the puff of smoke sitting atop the Popo, marveling at the shouting blue of the sky, and noting that the clouds seemed to be frozen there in a billowing whiteness...
Meanwhile, the Dixie Chicks were singing that song about a landslide, and suddenly I saw you, moving in a rhythm that breathed with the sound of your voice and the beat of my heart; you were putting on your socks and telling me the dogs were waiting to be fed, you were wheedling a kiss from me, you were telling me about the political scene, you were on the phone, you were calling me over to see something on the computer, you were cooking and explaining the virtues of olive oil, you were offering me a taste of your fragrant steaming mug of coffee, you were going outside to oversee the work on the cars and asking me to bring your water bottle... you were telling me I would miss your love when you were gone.
And I do!
I know, I know... you told me so.
Or like this morning. I was dreaming and then I was not - in the middle of a word - I think it was a cry or a call - in some kind of glaringly bright piece of somewhere, I opened my eyes and it was the gray light of early morning and I was in my bed at home. But as I teetered between glaring and gray, between loud and still, between there and here, I saw you.
I've been thinking about you a lot in the last couple of days. Or rather, consciously not thinking of you. I put my thoughts on hold time and again to attend to what's going on or escape into acceptable modes of fantasy.
But this morning, it was as if someone had thrown a cog into the machinery causing a fragmenting of time. In the middle of the ordinary, things became extraordinary. I was driving along the cobblestone road that leads out of this tiny town, traveling slowly and gently over the speedbumps and dips, and I looked to my left, as I do when I'm on this road, taking in the volcanoes and the puff of smoke sitting atop the Popo, marveling at the shouting blue of the sky, and noting that the clouds seemed to be frozen there in a billowing whiteness...
Meanwhile, the Dixie Chicks were singing that song about a landslide, and suddenly I saw you, moving in a rhythm that breathed with the sound of your voice and the beat of my heart; you were putting on your socks and telling me the dogs were waiting to be fed, you were wheedling a kiss from me, you were telling me about the political scene, you were on the phone, you were calling me over to see something on the computer, you were cooking and explaining the virtues of olive oil, you were offering me a taste of your fragrant steaming mug of coffee, you were going outside to oversee the work on the cars and asking me to bring your water bottle... you were telling me I would miss your love when you were gone.
And I do!
I know, I know... you told me so.
Saturday, June 19, 2010
It's Q and A Time - i.o.w. A Quiz!
Well, I read Fned's blog and she was tagging anyone who arrived there, so I said I would play the Q&A game; why not? Here are the Questions and my Answers:
- What did you want to be when you were little?
A writer, a singer, and an actress - all together. I used to invent all these stories and then act them out (playing all the parts myself). Most of the plots included the scene where the wild, or poor, or uneducated - but always beautiful - young girl is discovered by a rich handsome guy who somehow gets lost in some rural paradise, where he hears her singing while she's picking berries or whatever, whereupon he convinces her to go to the big city, where she's able to become a star, but she always ends up scorning wealth and glamour and returning to her rustic life, whereupon the guy who has naturally fallen in love with her by then, goes and finds her and they end up together... There were also plots that had to do with an incredibly elaborate story of espionage and got played out with NoneOther when we were left to our own devices. When I was very young, I wrote out the story of the lives of my paper dolls including Pickles (their dog) in my Big Chief tablet (and I still have it!). - What one place makes you the happiest being there?
Wow! Only one place? Hmmm... okay, I'd have to say up on the roof. I rarely go up any more, but whenever I've gone up on the roof of any of the places I've lived, I've always felt especially happy. Just being above all the mundane, daily comings and goings of everyone, and looking out over everything from a higher place... it's a great feeling. - Do you wish your first kiss could have been with somebody else?
Absolutely not! The only first kiss that I really remember as being such was the first kiss with Car - and that was a kiss like no other. I once wrote a song about it. - What's one thing you wish you could tell your 16-yr-old self?
Don't think twice! Take your parents up on their offer to send you to a Kibbutz for the summer! - What movie do you never get tired of watching?
There are lots... and all for different - but equally compelling - reasons. At this moment, Jerry Maguire comes to mind, for the overall good message and feeling you get from it. - What movie do you wish you had never seen?
"Whatever happened to Baby Jane?". That movie gave me nightmares for years, and even today I can't stand to remember any part of it. - How much time do you admit to spending on Facebook in a week's time and how much time do you really spend there?
Two to four hours. And that's for real. How do I know? Because whenever I go in there, I end up spending a couple of hours, and then I inevitably check back a few days later but very quickly... that's it for the week. And there are weeks where I don't go in at all because I'm still frustrated about the last time I sat there for 2 to 4 hours. - Who do you miss at this exact moment?
My Dad - it's almost Father's Day and I wish I could be there and wish him a happy day in person. HAPPY FATHER'S DAY DAD. I LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU! - Where are you going tomorrow and why?
Nowhere special, but maybe for a long walk or a bike ride. Probably up on the roof at some point now that I think about it!! Those are some ideas of what I want to do. - If you had a gift certificate for plastic surgery and you had to use it (witness protection program or something) what would you get done?
My nose. Not for beauty's sake, but rather to open up my nasal passages.
Okay - I did it. Now that means that you too have to do it if you were here! Are you up for it? Ready? GO!
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Oil and Water - an exception to the rule
It's raining! I wanted to write a post about the oil spill and the whole terrible disaster of BP in the Gulf. But the sound of the rain has captivated my attention so it's water I'm going to talk about instead. I'm sitting in front of a huge bare window, knowing the rain is pouring down yet unable to see it clearly in the evening twilight.
And that's the unexpected perfection of this moment - Sitting all alone in the silence of this building at dusk, listening to the rain in surround sound. I'm only barely able to see and smell the rain, but the stereophonic volume of it heightens my feelings, and that in turn intensifies my powers of listening. It sounds like velvet. It sounds like an important message from God pouring down to be deciphered second by second, drop by drop. It sounds like fresh things coming and joyous celebration. It sounds like the story of a secret wish coming true. It sounds like tears brimming and overflowing the eyes that have experienced loveliness beyond description.
It's raining - without thunder or lightning - the best kind of rain. The kind that comforts and promises and makes you hope for a night of it, for the chance to fall asleep to the sound of it's drenching quenching devoid of malice.
The rain started exactly when I started to write my blog, but just think if it hadn't! I would have written about the oil spill. I would have said that it's horrible to think what is happening there, all those millions of gallons of oil gushing into the ocean. I would have said I've been feeling the pull of that annoying kind of guilt you feel when you ignore something you know needs your attention, because I have been ignoring the whole issue, because I couldn't bear to think about it and know that another day was passing with no solution in sight, because it took one of my students bringing up the subject to open my eyes and make me look at what's going on, and read about it, and mull and ponder over things I can do to help.
And in fact, that's how I came to sit down here and blog about it! But now look! It's raining! The rain has washed away all my good intentions to blog about the oil spill. Still, there is something I can do! I can pass on to you this blogspot link where you can read about a certain group of people spreading information and taking action positively. Now THAT'S what I call blogging about the oil spill! Just copy and paste this link: http://casa-catherwood.com/disasterinthegulf.html
Meanwhile, I'll consider myself lucky to have been here for the rain! It's allowed me to mix together - for once, if only in a blog - oil and water.
And that's the unexpected perfection of this moment - Sitting all alone in the silence of this building at dusk, listening to the rain in surround sound. I'm only barely able to see and smell the rain, but the stereophonic volume of it heightens my feelings, and that in turn intensifies my powers of listening. It sounds like velvet. It sounds like an important message from God pouring down to be deciphered second by second, drop by drop. It sounds like fresh things coming and joyous celebration. It sounds like the story of a secret wish coming true. It sounds like tears brimming and overflowing the eyes that have experienced loveliness beyond description.
It's raining - without thunder or lightning - the best kind of rain. The kind that comforts and promises and makes you hope for a night of it, for the chance to fall asleep to the sound of it's drenching quenching devoid of malice.
The rain started exactly when I started to write my blog, but just think if it hadn't! I would have written about the oil spill. I would have said that it's horrible to think what is happening there, all those millions of gallons of oil gushing into the ocean. I would have said I've been feeling the pull of that annoying kind of guilt you feel when you ignore something you know needs your attention, because I have been ignoring the whole issue, because I couldn't bear to think about it and know that another day was passing with no solution in sight, because it took one of my students bringing up the subject to open my eyes and make me look at what's going on, and read about it, and mull and ponder over things I can do to help.
And in fact, that's how I came to sit down here and blog about it! But now look! It's raining! The rain has washed away all my good intentions to blog about the oil spill. Still, there is something I can do! I can pass on to you this blogspot link where you can read about a certain group of people spreading information and taking action positively. Now THAT'S what I call blogging about the oil spill! Just copy and paste this link: http://casa-catherwood.com/disasterinthegulf.html
Meanwhile, I'll consider myself lucky to have been here for the rain! It's allowed me to mix together - for once, if only in a blog - oil and water.
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Retrieval, Recovery, Redemption!
Well, it looks like - even to me - this sudden return to blogging is a direct result of my having read Fned's blog earlier. But actually it's not.
I checked into my blog today because I was determined to finally return to blogging -which I've been thinking about doing for a while now. The problem was - I had been finding myself in Facebook more and more and it took up too much time for me to THEN write a blog. But over the months, the whole FB thing has started to irk me!! I mean it's a great way to connect up with friends and relatives, but all you can do is see their (or write your own) short little snippets about what's going on... it seems hollow somehow. Then again, is NO writing at all less hollow?
Hollowness aside, what I'm trying to state here is that communication in general is what it's all about. But blogging - blogging is a responsibility. It's not something to be taken lightly. Later, you go back and read over what you've written and it's like the day of reckoning! If you're satisfied, you feel you've accomplished something and you're redeemed! But heaven help you if you realize it's not what you really wanted to say! Because then you feel ridiculous, or frustrated, and you know that you've wasted your precious time. Yes, blogging is heavy.
But that's the challenge of it! That's what makes it worthwhile! And what are the alternatives to blogging? Twittering? Facebooking? These alternatives have their charms and even their reasons for being, but they don't provide an outlet for stretching our minds. And that's what is so truly wonderful about blogging - it's mental exercise. We should all get more of that! I know I need it. I haven't been exercising the creative writing part of my mind enough for the last I-don't-know-how-long. So now it's time to try again.
That's what I wanted to say today. It's time to go back to finding and reading interesting blogs again, and to take on the responsibility of forming and writing down my own new thoughts and ideas and putting them out there for others to see and respond to - or not.
I checked into my blog today because I was determined to finally return to blogging -which I've been thinking about doing for a while now. The problem was - I had been finding myself in Facebook more and more and it took up too much time for me to THEN write a blog. But over the months, the whole FB thing has started to irk me!! I mean it's a great way to connect up with friends and relatives, but all you can do is see their (or write your own) short little snippets about what's going on... it seems hollow somehow. Then again, is NO writing at all less hollow?
Hollowness aside, what I'm trying to state here is that communication in general is what it's all about. But blogging - blogging is a responsibility. It's not something to be taken lightly. Later, you go back and read over what you've written and it's like the day of reckoning! If you're satisfied, you feel you've accomplished something and you're redeemed! But heaven help you if you realize it's not what you really wanted to say! Because then you feel ridiculous, or frustrated, and you know that you've wasted your precious time. Yes, blogging is heavy.
But that's the challenge of it! That's what makes it worthwhile! And what are the alternatives to blogging? Twittering? Facebooking? These alternatives have their charms and even their reasons for being, but they don't provide an outlet for stretching our minds. And that's what is so truly wonderful about blogging - it's mental exercise. We should all get more of that! I know I need it. I haven't been exercising the creative writing part of my mind enough for the last I-don't-know-how-long. So now it's time to try again.
That's what I wanted to say today. It's time to go back to finding and reading interesting blogs again, and to take on the responsibility of forming and writing down my own new thoughts and ideas and putting them out there for others to see and respond to - or not.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
love and car washing
It started because I had to return the car I'd been driving for the last 15 months. It was a rented car for work, and when you get up to 25,000 km. you have to return it. You have to return it in as good as condition as possible, spic and span, inside and out.
I could have taken the car to the car wash; it would have been a small price to pay for the professional job they would have done. But no, I couldn't do that. I knew that the car and I had to spend our last day together. It was up to me to give it its farewell bath - personally.
I dressed in my car washing duds, brought out a good jazzy-rock CD to put into the CD player, lugged two buckets of hot water outside - one sudsy, one clear, went back for two clean cloths - one large and one small, and away I went - sloshing the water onto the roof and catching it on the way down with the large cloth, to swish over the windows, doors, and down to the tires.
Dunking my cloth into the bucket, and pulling it out to fling another load of water, this time onto the rear window, swishing it down the trunk, and down over the license plate, and taking time to rub the cloth between the numbers of the plate.
Plunging the cloth back into the bucket and pulling it out again to hurl it, laden with water, onto the roof on the other side of the car, and swishing the cascading water across doors and windows and the sideview mirror, then dunking once more and sloshing the water over the windshield, across the hood of the car and on down to the front plate and grill...
A short pause, then time for the second bucket, rinse water, this time only half the bucket to go all the way around the car. With the second half, my daughter used a sturdy brush to scrub the wheels.
Then wetting and wringing out the smaller flannel cloth to clean all the inside fixtures, all the inner doors and seats and the console and the dash... and finally, vacuuming all around inside the car.
When the car was clean, I felt proud. It was an act of love.
Today, I decided to do it again - this time to our own car. Just because. Just for love. The car looks cared for. When I look at the car, I feel like I've done something good.
I could have taken the car to the car wash; it would have been a small price to pay for the professional job they would have done. But no, I couldn't do that. I knew that the car and I had to spend our last day together. It was up to me to give it its farewell bath - personally.
I dressed in my car washing duds, brought out a good jazzy-rock CD to put into the CD player, lugged two buckets of hot water outside - one sudsy, one clear, went back for two clean cloths - one large and one small, and away I went - sloshing the water onto the roof and catching it on the way down with the large cloth, to swish over the windows, doors, and down to the tires.
Dunking my cloth into the bucket, and pulling it out to fling another load of water, this time onto the rear window, swishing it down the trunk, and down over the license plate, and taking time to rub the cloth between the numbers of the plate.
Plunging the cloth back into the bucket and pulling it out again to hurl it, laden with water, onto the roof on the other side of the car, and swishing the cascading water across doors and windows and the sideview mirror, then dunking once more and sloshing the water over the windshield, across the hood of the car and on down to the front plate and grill...
A short pause, then time for the second bucket, rinse water, this time only half the bucket to go all the way around the car. With the second half, my daughter used a sturdy brush to scrub the wheels.
Then wetting and wringing out the smaller flannel cloth to clean all the inside fixtures, all the inner doors and seats and the console and the dash... and finally, vacuuming all around inside the car.
When the car was clean, I felt proud. It was an act of love.
Today, I decided to do it again - this time to our own car. Just because. Just for love. The car looks cared for. When I look at the car, I feel like I've done something good.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
figuring things out
It doesn't matter how old I get - and I'd rather not go into too much detail about how old I'm getting! - I always seem to be STILL figuring things out. And I always have moments where I know I'm doing it all wrong, and I always have moments where I just can't see a clear course for myself.
What keeps me from taking all of that too seriously and getting depressed?
WORK for one thing! When I'm on a translation marathon, where I'm swamped with work and have impossible deadlines to meet, suddenly I'm the epitomy of organized, clear-thinking, wonder-woman actions.
Putting things in order at home is another good way to put things into perspective. I do that when the whole "what should I do?" dilemma hits. Planning, making lists, cooking, baking, these things help. They make me feel worthwhile.
Last week, I found myself abruptly tossed into a translation marathon that kept me from thinking about anything else - except work.
Since I also have a teaching job, I have to do translations during my off hours. Usually, I try to do the bulk of translations on the weekend. But in this case, they were urgent, so I had to get home from teaching and start in on translation.
Naturally, I couldn't allow myself such unfair circumstances, so I'd get home, get something to eat and watch one of the interesting newer movies that I rented just for that purpose. Then it would be time to start in on translation. In the middle of the marathon, I'd take time out for another escape into movies, watching such gems as Notorious, a Barbra Streisand special from 1993-94, and other oldies, just in 30-minute slots. At those times, I'd also pick up on a knitting project or one of three books I'm trying to finish. Then I'd go back to translating, take a sudden nap when I couldn't do that any longer, then back to translating, and so forth and so on, getting a total of 3 to 4 hours of sleep per night.
Yesterday, at 4:00 a.m. I finished with the last of the huge translations I was working on back-to-back. I had an hour to kill before I had to get ready for teaching, and it was either clean the kitchen, or snuggle back in my bed. I chose snuggling back in my bed. This time, I added a steaming cup of coffee to the formula. It was the most delightful hour! I was exhausted, so as soon as I snuggled down and had taken my first sip of coffee, I knew I wanted to sleep...
I told myself, none of that, you need to get up in an hour... and I answered myself, I'll just get really, REALLY comfortable and sleep for 15 minutes. I closed my eyes and that's exactly what happened. I awoke exactly 15 minutes later, feeling refreshed, took another sip of coffee and to my delight it was still hot! After pondering the weird dream I had just come out of, I thought, hmmm, let's do it again. My bed was so warm and comfortable you see. Once again, the 15 minute trick worked! This time my coffee was not so hot when I sat up, but it was still drinkably warm. I felt good that I had had such crazy dreams during both of those short naps and i told myself i was ready for the day, now that I'd gotten in some "quality" sleep - isn't dream-sleep supposed to be the deepest kind?
Last night I went to art class. I had come home from work a few hours earlier, feeling I was free!!!! I probably should have gone straight to bed, but I felt good and wanted to go to art class. Of course, I felt exhaustion creeping up on me once I was there, so I barely got started on my new project before throwing in the towel.
I came home and slept very well, and I woke up feeling great, but now, at the end of this first day post-translation marathon, I'm frustrated!
Why? (this is the part where I start trying to figure things out!)
Because here's the thing: Today I had this whole day - a lovely Saturday - to get lots of things done - all the things I couldn't do during the week. It was a day I could have made the most of and what did I do? I spent it doing something I'm very good at but not particularly proud of. It's called: ESCAPING!
I tell myself just relax and not be so hard on myself. I tell myself that it's understandable and I deserve a day off to do nothing. But I know I'm kidding myself. I know that I deliberately put myself into this vicious cycle. You see, that's the thing about working under pressure. You can be very good at it, but when the pressure lifts, and you're actually free, and you've got time, you suddenly find it difficult to regroup. So you kind of bungle through the hours, all the while telling yourself it's your right to "relax and enjoy doing nothing".
Well, that's not how I want it to be!
Wish me luck for tomorrow. I'm going to try to use the time much more constructively than I did today! Figuring things out usually gets you nowhere.
What keeps me from taking all of that too seriously and getting depressed?
WORK for one thing! When I'm on a translation marathon, where I'm swamped with work and have impossible deadlines to meet, suddenly I'm the epitomy of organized, clear-thinking, wonder-woman actions.
Putting things in order at home is another good way to put things into perspective. I do that when the whole "what should I do?" dilemma hits. Planning, making lists, cooking, baking, these things help. They make me feel worthwhile.
Last week, I found myself abruptly tossed into a translation marathon that kept me from thinking about anything else - except work.
Since I also have a teaching job, I have to do translations during my off hours. Usually, I try to do the bulk of translations on the weekend. But in this case, they were urgent, so I had to get home from teaching and start in on translation.
Naturally, I couldn't allow myself such unfair circumstances, so I'd get home, get something to eat and watch one of the interesting newer movies that I rented just for that purpose. Then it would be time to start in on translation. In the middle of the marathon, I'd take time out for another escape into movies, watching such gems as Notorious, a Barbra Streisand special from 1993-94, and other oldies, just in 30-minute slots. At those times, I'd also pick up on a knitting project or one of three books I'm trying to finish. Then I'd go back to translating, take a sudden nap when I couldn't do that any longer, then back to translating, and so forth and so on, getting a total of 3 to 4 hours of sleep per night.
Yesterday, at 4:00 a.m. I finished with the last of the huge translations I was working on back-to-back. I had an hour to kill before I had to get ready for teaching, and it was either clean the kitchen, or snuggle back in my bed. I chose snuggling back in my bed. This time, I added a steaming cup of coffee to the formula. It was the most delightful hour! I was exhausted, so as soon as I snuggled down and had taken my first sip of coffee, I knew I wanted to sleep...
I told myself, none of that, you need to get up in an hour... and I answered myself, I'll just get really, REALLY comfortable and sleep for 15 minutes. I closed my eyes and that's exactly what happened. I awoke exactly 15 minutes later, feeling refreshed, took another sip of coffee and to my delight it was still hot! After pondering the weird dream I had just come out of, I thought, hmmm, let's do it again. My bed was so warm and comfortable you see. Once again, the 15 minute trick worked! This time my coffee was not so hot when I sat up, but it was still drinkably warm. I felt good that I had had such crazy dreams during both of those short naps and i told myself i was ready for the day, now that I'd gotten in some "quality" sleep - isn't dream-sleep supposed to be the deepest kind?
Last night I went to art class. I had come home from work a few hours earlier, feeling I was free!!!! I probably should have gone straight to bed, but I felt good and wanted to go to art class. Of course, I felt exhaustion creeping up on me once I was there, so I barely got started on my new project before throwing in the towel.
I came home and slept very well, and I woke up feeling great, but now, at the end of this first day post-translation marathon, I'm frustrated!
Why? (this is the part where I start trying to figure things out!)
Because here's the thing: Today I had this whole day - a lovely Saturday - to get lots of things done - all the things I couldn't do during the week. It was a day I could have made the most of and what did I do? I spent it doing something I'm very good at but not particularly proud of. It's called: ESCAPING!
I tell myself just relax and not be so hard on myself. I tell myself that it's understandable and I deserve a day off to do nothing. But I know I'm kidding myself. I know that I deliberately put myself into this vicious cycle. You see, that's the thing about working under pressure. You can be very good at it, but when the pressure lifts, and you're actually free, and you've got time, you suddenly find it difficult to regroup. So you kind of bungle through the hours, all the while telling yourself it's your right to "relax and enjoy doing nothing".
Well, that's not how I want it to be!
Wish me luck for tomorrow. I'm going to try to use the time much more constructively than I did today! Figuring things out usually gets you nowhere.
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Twenty Ten
Time to start thinking in tens and hundreds. Twenty Ten is upon us. We have made it through the first decade of the 21st century. I haven't given too much thought about my resolutions. You're supposed to be doing that as you eat each of your 12 grapes at the stroke of 12 o'clock on the new year. But we were watching a movie at the time - While You Were Sleeping, which turned out to be a good choice as it's a Christmas/New Year flick and Anto, Clo and Samo had never seen it (chick flick, ya know?)! The idea was to start the movie at 10:30, so it would be over right at midnight, but we didn't actually start it till close to 11:00, so it was just getting to the climax when the clock began to strike and we realized it was the hour. I turned off the movie, ran for the grapes, set them out and we chomped as the clock continued striking (it's a cuckoo clock). We were of course talking, joking, and watching the sudden bursts of fireworks in the town square below. Also, although I was trying to train my brain to the task of putting my resolutions into words, I had to concentrate harder on chewing the grapes! They were those huge red globo grapes and my teeth danced delicately around them, trying to feel for the little seeds inside. But these are the resolutions I did manage to form:
Give more love;
Get to know the neighbors;
Keep the essential and let go of the rest;
Use the day-to-day as a practice in planning and thinking ahead.
And now I'm going to try to chronicle the PoppyDay end of the year family reunion, which won't be easy, and will probably be so abbreviated, that only if you were there will you be able to pick up the thread! But here goes:
We arrived at midnight at their house. Naturally they were as tired from the wait as we were from the drive, but we did manage to stand around talking for quite awhile! Finally, we were given instructions on using the throne in the bathroom - an elongated comfort-height dual flush model - and dealing with a balky shower mechanism - and then it was off to bed.
In the morning, the coffemaker was set to go, so I switched it on. I think my dad was already up, because soon after the coffee pot got going, he came into the kitchen, followed by mimi, Clo, Anto and Samo and of course there were bagels for breakfast!
That first day was a big reunion in itself - with Fned and Hubby and my older sis from the north (whose hubby had already been and left) coming back from a visit at my younger sib's. She lives about 100 miles away from my parents house. I don't remember what we did exactly except for the part where I went out with my mom (who let me drive!) and I got a gift for my cousins whom we were to visit the next day, and mom got a pot to pop popcorn in... then came the part where we made nachos and watched parts of old movies that were playing nonstop all day.
The next day we went to my cousins' house and had the best time, eating an incredible smorgasbord brunch that included lox and cream cheese on bagels (my absolute fave) and later played those crazy dominoes I'd gotten them... the game is called the Mexican Train! Hmmm.... Anyway, in the middle of all that, Lu arrived at the airport, so Fned and Hub and Deb (who knows a shortcut that will get you to the airport in 7 minutes flat) went to pick him up, while us domino players finished our game (for the record, Nancy won!)... Then the party got really wild with stories and tales and pictures galore... and Rachel's dog, Nala of the glossy black coat made the rounds among us all... it was a truly delicious morning and afternoon.
Late afternoon meant shopping with Fned and Hub in their rented Kia and everyone doing their thing, but ending up at Best Buy to look for a movie Fned wanted us to see... then back home to make popcorn and watch it... turned out to be totally raunchy, which of course made for another good story to tell the grandkids... (watching a raunchy movie with your grandparents!!!)
AND THAT'S WHEN THE BATHROOM THRONE PROTESTED!!!
We tried flushing several times, we tried plunging, we were looking at the idea of pouring draino down the drain... but in the end, Poppy called his plumber, who was out of town but promised to do something about it when he got back.
Meanwhile, Ruth was due to come in, so Marce went for her and Fned and Hub were at the mall, and the rest of us went to find a nearby hotel to stay at for bathroom use in the next couple of days, and the reunion continued!
Next day was PoppyDay! Did I explain this to you before? My lucky Dad has his birthday right on Xmas Day! Since we're of the Chanukah persuasion, we make use of the 25th to celebrate PoppyDay! This year, it was held at a local Chinese restaurant. Family came from miles around - cousins and second cousins and aunts and uncles I hadn't seen in quite awhile! We were a boistrous bunch, the food was buffet - EXCELLENTLY SO I MIGHT ADD! I never got a chance to taste everything as I got full after my first plate-load... but the cake was something else!!! I don't know where that cake came from but hats off to the baker of it - devil's food chocolate of the best quality, with the creamiest icing you can imagine.... it was DELISH!!! And of course, all the pics, and all the gabbing, and all the eating, and all the laughing.... what an afternoon!!!
But suddenly in the midst of all of this, my mom gets the idea to go take a family picture at the park near where my aunt and uncle live. It's a beautiful landscaped park with a pond and trees and rocks all around... totally peaceful and lovely. So we have to say good-bye to the guests who are still there partying, because we have to have the right light to take the picture!!! - and then we drive away in 4 cars and get to the place, and get everyone all set up - in the freezing cold, but with everyone in high spirits - and the shutters start to snap. That session was truly fun.
Later still, it's back to mimi and poppy's house to have our gift exchange... and give poppy his birthday present - which turns out to be this incredible grill that's already set up in the backyard (very mysteriously so I might add!) and everyone's wearing the hats and jewelry and other accessories they got, and getting instructions about use of gadgets, and mimi's handing out envelopes full of love and gelt and we're all getting teary-eyed and there are pictures and lots of paper and gift bags strewn around, which we collect for the recycling bin!
That night we're letting mimi and poppy have a well-deserved rest, as we go off to our motel and find a restaurant that's open and gorge on hamburgers and french fries - the kind that take hours to prepare, you know... old-home style...
And the next day, we go early to visit Aunt Dottie, who always has a box of books for us to sort through... and we visit with her, and with Sharon and Diana and even Lindsey who's come in with her dogs, who are adorable, and then we head over to Mimi and Poppy's where Fned and Hubby are packing up to leave already, and then it's time to say good-bye to them...
As they drive away, we make a plan to head up to Austin with Ruth... to see Drew play in his band and to visit old friends and to be in the unique atmosphere of Austin, which everyone is trying to keep weird....
During the Austin trip, we break for lunch at Chuy's for Tex Mex food and good vibes, and then to meet up with Stace at a unique coffee shop where Drew works when he's not playing music.... and then we split up for awhile, and meet back at the club where the music is great and we're all dancing around and finally it's late night and we head over to Stace's and she and I go out in the morning to bring back donuts to go with their fabulous coffee and a discussion that goes from the music of the night before, to what really happened on different occasions of the past, to the pros and cons of sunny-side-up vs. over easy ... and laughter.
Then we're back to Mimi and Poppy's with hot dogs and buns ready to be grilled, and we enjoy a yummy barbeque on the new pit before heading out to the airport to drop off Lu and Ruth who are going back to their respective abodes... and then the rest of us stay the night, and the next. These are the days we go on different quests for things on lists, and and then it's time to start preparing to leave. The idea is to start out in the afternoon and drive across the border. But the day has turned so rainy and cold, and the hour gets later, and we still want to get those last things, and the Spurs are playing, and Uncle Boots and Joanie come by, and then we decide to watch a movie with popcorn... and get a good night's sleep.
So it's Wednesday. The 30th. We head for the border early early. It's been a wonderful reunion with so many people and good feelings and so much laughter and fun. It's all captured in pictures in about 20 different cameras from different angles at different moments, and we'll trade them and remember how great it was to be together on Poppy Day 2009!
HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYBODY!!!
P.S. Some pics to start you out...
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