No Better Butter

When I came to Mexico, there were several taste adjustments I had to accept. In some cases it meant giving up a certain food altogether, since I couldn't find the special taste I was looking for: i.e. NO VANILLA yogurt! In other cases, the choice was between an inferior taste or an exorbitant price (i.e. chocolate). Thus, I learned to make do with what there was, accept the inevitability, and move on to other things. This was in the late 70's and most of the 80's, before the market started to open up.

Then came the signs that Mexico was practically annexing to the US. Suddenly, and once begun, increasingly, there were American products on the shelves at the supermarket. The old Conasupo was ousted by "Bodega" and later "Mega" versions of supermarkets and those in turn were ultimately shaken by the coming of Walmart and Sam's, etc. etc.

Here's the thing - when the market in Mexico was still limited and I couldn't get the products I loved from home, it made going for a visit that much more anticipated, as in: "oh, when I get there, I'm going to have a delicious snack of vanilla yogurt!! Or a reese's chocolate peanut butter cup!! Or some REALLY GOOD BUTTER for my bread!!! Once things opened up, thanks to NAFTA and globalism in general, the longing for a certain taste has almost become a thing of the past... or has it?

Take the following for example: After so many years of making do with strange-tasting margarines and butters, the arrival of ICBINB to our supermarket shelves was for me a big thrill. Toast with butter and jam in the morning was once again a delicacy! Baked potatos dripping with melted butter became a more standard part of our menu!

But last week, the price for ICBINB was suddenly WAY TOO HIGH! UNACCEPTABLY HIGH!! I do have my limits when it comes to spending money on food, and there's no way I was going to pay double for a product that's not even really an essential and certainly not the healthiest of foods! Better to spend less money and be all the healthier for it.

Upshot of the story: I am back to the taste adjustment thing. I had it good for awhile, but seems like price hiking is getting serious. I don't know how these big supers and bodegas are going to keep stocking and selling their goods, since we who buy are not seeing any great raises in our wages! Are we going to end up in a situation like the horror of the 80's - where you never knew what anything would cost from one day to the next? Hope it doesn't go that far this time, but the way things are looking, I'd have to repeat Fned's motto: "hope for the best, but be prepared for the worst".

Fragments of Life - or - Total Eclipse of the Moon

There are moments when I feel like a whole person - integrated, together, completely one with myself. But since Life takes you where it will no matter how much you think you're in control, sooner or later, fragmentation sets in.




Now being fragmented is not all bad. Sometimes I'm a prism - cut into sharp angles that dazzle the eye - a prism that brings everything into a circle of light and color.

(all photos courtesy of Abimelec G.)

Then there are the times when the fragments of my being are more like a Picasso painting - totally disjointed, discordant, with miscellaneous parts joined at miscellaneous places to form a strange, yet uniquely lovely, workable whole.

Being fragmented can also be simply a case of bad architecture - a labyrinth that gets you lost, a staircase going nowhere.

On the day of the eclipse, I was feeling more fragmented than usual, but when the moon went into hiding that night, I realized that I was simply going through a human eclipse, and when I came out of it...,

I'd be brighter and more beautiful than ever! Not to mention whole!

Hair cuts - Is there more significance to one than meets the eye?

I recently had my hair cut. Now that seems like such a mundane thing to say. Doesn't everyone get their hair cut every so often? Well, no, not everyone.

At least, I don't. I think we must be a bit strange in this family. For one thing, ever since I got together with Car, which was close to 30 years ago, we have pulled and pushed each other into this whole self-sufficient kind of lifestyle. Both of us hate having to get other people to help us in any way - hence, from the beginning, Car was always the mechanic, electrician, plumber, carpenter, etc. I was always the cleaner, shot-giver, haircutter, mechanic's assistant, carpenter's assistant, etc. Then we had kids and some of them became (quasi) mechanics, plumbers, electricians, etc. They've all learned to cook and clean too (some better than others), but come to think of it, none of them have become haircutters!

Now I happen to get a big thrill out of having a pair of scissors in my hand and a head of hair to cut! Car was my first subject - in fact, he asked me to do it! I wasn't sure I could, but I figured if he was willing to take the consequences, I was all for trying! My first haircut given might not have been a total success, but it was totally acceptable to the wearer of the result! Thus, a hairdresser was born! After that I regularly tried my creative skills on my kids. Some liked my improvisation, others cried or threw minor tantrums over the results and as soon as they were old enough, ran to the nearest professional haircutter before I could get my hands on their heads again (though to this day, I never stop offering my services - free of charge).

But I still hadn't gotten up the nerve to experiment on my own hair.

The first time I cut my own hair - and REALLY CUT OFF A LOT - was after Clo was born. She pulled my long locks mercilessly when she was a baby. I don't remember any of her three older sibs yanking on my hair, which had been long since high school, but Clo was always reaching her chubby little hands out to tug on a braid, or tangle her fingers torturously in my hair if I forgot myself and wore it loose. So, when she was around a year old, I decided one day, standing in the bathroom and looking at myself in the mirror, that this was it - I was going to cut my hair!

That first session was scary but exhilarating. I cut off all the crown hair about an inch from my scalp and around the upper half of my head too. I wanted the kind of haircut that kind of stands up all around your head, and I got what I wanted! But when it came to cutting the bottom half - all that long hair all around me, I just could not bring myself to do it. So I ended up with a short/long style... and I guess it was okay. Car thought it was very original and we went to a big company dinner one night right after I'd cut it and I actually got compliments on it!

But after a couple of weeks, I decided to take the plunge and I cut the rest - very very short. All around. After that, I regularly cut my hair, until I would get so tired of having to do it every few weeks, that I let it grow out long. This would take a couple of years, then I'd leave it long for another year, then I'd grow tired of washing it and cut it off again, and the cycle would begin anew.

But this last time I decided to cut my hair, I got too impatient and I cut it too too short on one side and couldn't even it out. Luckily, there's a haircutter near our house, so I walked over there and asked her if she could fix the damage.

Well, when I came out, I was a NEW WOMAN!!! I cannot believe how much I have missed by not having my hair cut more regularly throughout these years!! This woman was so deft, so sure, so gentle, so comfortable, so RIGHT! While she shore and shaped, I was lulled almost to sleep by the way her hands moved over my head. Long before she was satisfied and stepped away, I was already admiring and thanking her for my new image in the mirror. I'm telling you, she gave me style - something I'd never been able to give myself!

At first, I have to tell you, I was afraid of the change in myself. I tried to ignore my image in the mirror, and I told myself it would never last, my hair would grow and I'd end up cutting it myself, rather than go back to a hairdresser... So I let it grow for 4 months! And wouldn't you know it, the style of the cut lasted all that time - which never happens when i cut my own hair; in less than a month I have to do some repairs to one side or the other, or cut off hair that's growing faster than the other parts and sticking out in a horrible way. But this cut lasted and lasted, even though it was getting longer. It all grew out together! I just trimmed my bangs a couple of times.

So at the end of 4 months, when the sides were getting a bit unmanageable, I decided that this haircutter was really a pro, deserving of my patronage. So I went back and she remembered me and she did a neat job on my head again! And here I am, 3 weeks later, still feeling good about it!

Which brings me to the question of the day: what exactly does one gain by having style? Well, it seems to affect the way they act! Believe it or not, I am more animated, my gestures are more dramatic, I've got ways of turning my head that I don't remember using before! And all because of a haircut???

Does that sound vain and ridiculous to you? Then I present you with the case of my son, Lew, who seems to show similar tendencies. In Lew's case, he hadn't had his hair cut in a couple of years. Soon after I got mine cut, we were sitting around the dining room table with a friend of his who'd just had his hair cut. He looked really really good, and when Lew saw him, and when his friend and I both started a chorus of "Come on, Lew, do it!", he said okay and I got the scissors and... voilá! He too became a new personage! (note: though I can't cut my own hair with any guaranteed precision, when I cut the hair of other people, I sometimes manage to give them a nice-looking style, which was the case with Lew).

So what does it all mean? Am I trying to insinuate that a good haircut brings out the real you? Am I secretly afraid that stylish haircuts hide the real you and turn you into a false replica of whatever your fantasy-you is? Maybe it's simply a matter of being able to appreciate - really appreciate - having your hair cut off to your advantage, and enjoying the new you that greets you in the mirror! Whatever it is, and whoever you turn out to be because of it, a well-carried-out haircut sure can liven up your day-to-day!

Moving on...

So yesterday I was lolling in the hammock on our patio, when I called Car to come out and kinda make the peace. I told him he oughta read my blog, but he said my writing is too "complicated" for him to get through (there's that word again!)... so I basically gave him an abbreviated version in Spanish and he gave me one of his winning smiles and a big, fat, splendor-in-the-sun, swinging-to-and-fro-under-the-tree-shade kiss and we were back to normal. One thing he did say was that I shouldn't put my life online (WOW! Does that have a double meaning or what???)...

So I thought, yeah, maybe not... at least not often, and not too much at a time... so I was fixing up my blogsite, putting up the picture that I took of the Popo in full bloom, and putting up those old black-n-whites that I had deleted by accident, and then I got all involved in the website where I get the details about the movies I love, and I started looking for all sorts of info - especially about Barbara Stanwyck, an actress from the 30's on, who I absolutely adore. This morning, I sat down with my cafe-con-leche to start working on a translation, but I couldn't resist just making a quick check to see what would happen if I plugged Barbara Stanwyck into the blog search... UNBELIEVABLE! I AM NOT ALONE! She is well loved and brilliantly discussed by many!

So, if I can't be discussing my private life online - CAR is right, it's definitely too controversial! - might as well get into other things that I'm also passionate about. Movies, books, questions about life, semantics and linguistics.... the list goes on and on...

As for Barbara, I'm gonna watch one of her movies later if I ever finish this translation!

Clarification!

Sorry, people, about the confusion you may have suffered from reading the last entry... I wrote it more as therapy for myself, so it wasn't really necessary to spell it all out, know what I mean? But now that it's over, I'll try to clarify the dilema:

I guess it all depends on what you think is more important: having your steady job bringing home the bacon, or putting yourself out there in order ot enrich your inner essence. That was the question I had to ask myself. Fact was, I had no trouble making the decision - I wanted to put myself out there! And where is "there"?

Well, about a month ago, I did a translation for a webpage about an incredible International mountain-biking race. It's taking place this month - a week-long trek from Veracruz, Veracruz to Huatulco, Oaxaca. I was interested in the race and when I sent my translation, I wished the organizers good luck and congratulated them on a fabulous itinerary. Next thing I know, I get an e-mail from the publicist for the event asking if I want to come along as a voluntary interpreter. They'd pay my traveling expenses and lodging and meals but that's all. Here's how my mind worked after the offer was made to me:
(me thinking with lightning speed): Wow! If I do this, I'll get to see the whole incredible route from Veracruz to Huatulco. I'll talk to people who are from all over the world and see how they feel about all sorts of things, from biking to the natural environments we'll be crossing, to Mexico in general, etc. I'll be sure to take pictures and.... DOUBLE WOW! I can work this into an article for the magazine! Then I can maybe make back some of the money I'll be losing from not working my regular week! Hmmm... sounds perfect!

Sooo, I don't know what any one of you would do, but I swear I DID NOT THINK TWICE: I wrote back right away saying, YES! YES! YES! CON MUCHÍSIMO GUSTO!!!

Naturally, I had to tell some people my plan and this is how their minds worked:
Translation boss: Well, that sounds neat, but you ought to get them to pay you! How can you go and be an interpreter for a week FOR FREE?? Think of how this will affect other translators who are trying to make a living at it!
me: But they didn't offer me a paid gig - they offered it as a volunteer with traveling, food and lodging expenses paid by them. And I want to do it, so the money would only be secondary anyway.

CAR's initial response: WHAT??? YOU'RE GOING TO GO OFF FOR A WEEK AND LEAVE ME WITH THE HOUSE AND KIDS AND EVERYTHING AND YOU WON'T EVEN GET PAID FOR IT??? RIDICULOUS!

kids' responses: cool... do it!

Those were the only people I mentioned it to at first... but time went by and at the beginning of the month I informed the School Chief that I'd need to be gone for a week. She said okay, but I'd need to find substitutes for my classes. So the day that we had to turn in our pay sheets calculating the hours we'd be working that month, I made arrangements for substitutes (no easy feat and more explaining to more people) and when everything had been tallied up, I realized that I would in fact be ending the month with a pretty low paycheck, but still... what the heck.

Driving home, I knew I'd still have to contend with CAR's objections, and just as I thought, he was in no frame of mind to accept the idea: WHAT???? YOU MEAN YOU'RE STILL GOING TO GO THROUGH WITH THIS??? THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU'RE ASKING ME TO DO AND WHY YOU'RE ASKING IT! It's not like you're going to visit your family, something I can well understand. It's like you're going off to have an adventure and just forget about your responsibilities here.... He pointed out that I was being frivolous, unfair, putting him in a difficult position, etc. etc. I got pretty mad right back at him, but then I decided to call the organizers and feel them out about just what additional benefits - if any - I might be able to get by going on this trip. AND THAT'S WHEN THE TABLES TURNED!

Turns out that the gal who wrote me an e-mail invite never got it confirmed, so it wasn't even for sure I'd get my expenses paid (though she assured me there would be no problem about that)! Plus, the heads had told her that anyone who was going in that capacity (paid expenses) would have to work as part of the administrating staff - all day, every day. Since I am not on their staff, and don't even know anyone, that sounded rather daunting! What about getting to go on the biking route and take pictures and interview riders? And finally, when I looked up the event in the Internet, I saw that the staff would be working two more days than what I'd heard about. Since all staff would be traveling together, that meant I'd be there two extra days too - or else pay my way back home!

Hmmm, what to do? What to do? On the one hand:

1) I wanted to go, no matter what. I wanted to get that story and take those pics and see it all with my own eyes! (Deep down I knew I could find a way to do basically what I wanted once the show was on the road).

2) I had already made plans that included other people having to switch their schedules around to accommodate mine.

3) I had already turned in my paysheet which meant I'd have to go back and get that altered, and also get the substitutes' sheets altered.

4) I felt betrayed by Car's attitude. Where was the UN-macho man I thought I'd married?

BUT, on the other hand, if I insisted on going through with the plan, I would have to ask for two more days off at work which would be uncomfortable for the same reasons stated in 2) and 3) above, PLUS I'd still have to be waiting to find out if the gig was really confirmed, PLUS I'd have a mad husband!

Bottom line: I backed out... told the girl that as long as nothing had been confirmed, I was turning down the offer, sad as it made me to do so.

That was when I wrote the last blog... feeling horrible knowing I'd have to go to work the next day and explain and try to switch my schedule back, etc., etc.

As it turned out, everyone was quite understanding. I had written my chief an e-mail the night before to prepare her, and she was completely understanding and said no problem. The subs also said no problem about switching back.

So, the final question is: what have I learned from this experience? Well of course, the obvious: GET YOUR FACTS STRAIGHT BEFORE YOU ACCEPT OR DECLINE AN OFFER! And also, DON'T GO MAKING CHANGES UNTIL YOU'RE SURE THEY'RE REALLY THE CHANGES YOU WANT!

Then there's the not-so-obvious lesson: THAT HUSBAND OF MINE MAY BE ORNERY BUT HE REALLY GETS ME TO THINKING! If he hadn't objected so strongly, I would have just gone along the way and met up with a rude reality that would have caused even more conflict for everyone. So, even though I'm pretending I'm mad at him just to make him suffer, I'm not really mad at all! Does that make sense? I keep marveling at how his bad attitude actually saved the day!

And finally, on a more personal level, I think that if I do get an opportunity like this in the future, I will try to take everyone's points of view into consideration before deciding, so I can try to get the best kind of deal for myself and for them so we will all be happy.

And guess what? This morning, in my first class, my student told me about an international swimming event coming up in the summer and said I ought to check out the possibility of being there as an interpreter! Could be that 'next opportunity', no?

When Complication leads to Frustration!

Now see? There I was joking about life being complicated, and now I'm in a situation that's beyond complicated! Talk about frustration! Is there anything as exasperating as having told 'everyone' that you're going to do something and then having the plan fall through? I thought I'd learned my lesson the last time! This time, I waited till it was absolutely necessary to tell people, and then, only those it was absolutely necessary to tell. And what happens?? THE PLAN FALLS THROUGH ANYWAY!! And now I'm left with having to undo all the arrangements I so painstakingly made to make room for 'The Plan' because it's not gonna happen! And the worst part is that I don't know if I can undo them!
Well, nothing's impossible, right? Guess I'll just have to grin and bear it.
Time to swallow my fears and just face the music! I'm writing this here in hopes that when I get back from work, I'll be able to report an uplifting end to this story. At least I'll have LEARNED SOMETHING from whatever happens... and that's what it's all about, right?

Exhilaration - Bring it on!

I have a student who always refers to situations as "complicated." It's a great word to use when you don't want to go into detail, or when you don't have the words to describe the situation in detail or when you simply haven't examined your thoughts enough to be able to describe the situation in detail. Whatever the reason, it's true that Life is 'complicated.' And yet, as the years go by, what I realize more and more is that Life should be exhilarating as often as possible! Here are some situations I associate with the feeling of Exhilaration:

• a nurtured childhood,
• true love,
• wonderful travels,
• exquisite cuisine,
• a glass of sparkling, thirst-quenching water,
• deep spiritual insights,
• perfectly-put-together music,
• having a baby,
• earth-washing rainshowers,
• bodysurfing,
• witnessing a breathtaking sunrise / sunset,
• gazing at the full moon

Could you help me out by adding more? I don't want to leave any out!